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Was I unfair to send this text to my partner just now . . . I think many followers of my previous posts will agree it was a long time coming

(122 Posts)
Roundedbuttocks90 Thu 10-Jul-14 10:28:51

Put your big boy pants on, look at the bigger picture, do a bit more for yourself, realise and be THANKFUL for how much help you do get instead of stomping off like a spoiled child. Maybe I should stop looking after your daughter for the majority of the time she's here. Stop doing all of the cooking and cleaning. Stop buying all of the food in. Stop insuring/taxing/testing/fuelling the car that YOU are using and abusing because you don't hav the balls to stand up to the person who isn't pulling her weight. YOU DON'T HAVE MUG WRITTEN ACROSS YOUR FOREHEAD AND NEITHER DO I!!!!!!!! Who was paying to feed your daughter while she was here 4 nights a week (at least) whilst you were still giving her mother fucking maintainence!!?? Cos it sure as shit wasnt you, was it? No it was me!!!!!

We had a massive row last night after we had paid the service bill for MY car. He is doing 350+ per week in it to pick up his daughter and take her back as her mother refuses to share travelling.

DH said that he has to see his daughter and it shouldn't be an issue. £550+ service bill for my car is a fucking issue I me!!! The travelling to and for has taken its toll and we are copping for it. He agreed to pay half of the bill and asked me to get his money out of the cash machine (as he can't/won't use them.)

I drew the money out and got him a balance. I didn't check the balance as 1. I was in a pan shite with DH for defending his ex yet again and 2. I don't feel as though I should be looking at his balance. He thingy I ha overdrawn him and completely flipped out. Called me a useless bitch etc etc.

He told me that the travelling situation 'doesn't even come into it as I need to see my daughter.' All the while that poor little girl is being dragged back and forth several times a week like she is some possession tht he feels he has a right to!
Oh and DSD's mum can't do half of the travelling because 'he hasn't got a job' but doesn't he realise that by agreeing to do all of the travelling he is just allowing her to sit on her arse and not bother to find one! So much for the court order he threatened her with!!

One and DDs bags are packed. Actually can't wait to get away from all of this shite.

Sorry for the rant and thank you to ever mums better who has offered me advice and supported me smile

Eebahgum Thu 10-Jul-14 10:32:55

So you've already sent the text? What kind of response are you hoping for? Sounds like your relationship is at breaking point to me.

Roundedbuttocks90 Thu 10-Jul-14 10:35:02

Sorry about the typos!!! They are horrendous! I'm heartbroken but I'm going to end up having a breakdown if I carry on like this. My stomach is in knots

gamerchick Thu 10-Jul-14 10:35:23

Are you leaving him? Sounds like you've had enough of your situation.

Roundedbuttocks90 Thu 10-Jul-14 10:37:02

My intention is to end it. Maybe make him realise how much I did and hope that he never takes th piss out of his next art we like his has done with me.

Time to be strong

ivykaty44 Thu 10-Jul-14 10:39:44

You also need to stop doing all these thing and take a step back from this situation in a calm way.

ivykaty44 Thu 10-Jul-14 10:40:56

You also need to stop doing all these thing and take a step back from this situation in a calm way.

CoffeeTea103 Thu 10-Jul-14 10:45:04

I have followed your last few posts and I'm so glad you've decided to leave this situation. It's really insane what you've put yourself through. He doesn't want to stand up to his ex, to even compromise with her over something which would be very fair at the least. He's taken advantage of you for so long over this, putting her before you and both children. Please go and don't look back.

Ifyourawizardwhydouwearglasses Thu 10-Jul-14 10:55:25

Good for you.

Isn't it funny how it always comes out in an explosion though? But sometimes needs must!

Btw.....'can't/won't use a cash machine'!? Er, what planet is he on!? I bet YOU wouldn't get away with that shite! 'Oh sorry DP, I can't/won't use a washing machine. So....yeah. You do it.'
I bet he can manage to operate a smartphone and a car ok though.

mrssnodge Thu 10-Jul-14 10:57:45

You are completely at breaking point- I totally sympathsise, Im in a much much smaller but same situation, Dp doing all travelling, driving, collecting, being used for a taxi with DSD (15 and cant use a bus??) but at least its mainly his own car-very occasionally mine, - Wont stand up to EXW , wont say no to DSD EVER!
OP he is totally taking advantage and he needs to realise, maybe a break apart will make him see the light, but it may make you realise what a relief and enjoy life without this resentment! Take Care x

Writerwannabe83 Thu 10-Jul-14 11:03:44

I remember your last post - you had my total sympathies.

There is nothing wrong with reaching breaking point and I dont blame you for sending that text - we all have that moment where we crack and say enough is enough.

I think you and DH should definitely have some time away from him - I think both of you need to think about your relationship and whether it can be saved. He needs to realise he can't treat you the way he is thanks

Roundedbuttocks90 Thu 10-Jul-14 11:20:26

He's so dependant on me for almost everything.

He can't tidy up after himself, he can't ring up dentists, doctors etc and make appointments for himself. He thinks nothing of leaving me with both DC but would really struggle if I left him with both of them. I mean DSD plays up for him a lot more than she does for me but that's his own doing due to his fear of saying no to her ad wanting to be seen as good cop.

Had enough. My friends have told me for a long time that I'm bring too strong in an impossible situation and that he's the only one who can help himself.

He has tried to argue that it's his exes new partner who is winding her up to be awkward. IMO he must be a complete and utter mug for letting her live with him and sponging with no intention of finding a job.

She did the same with DH. Got a part time waitressing job, didn't like it, but DH told her to stick with it as bills were to pay etc. funnily enough, fell pregnant shortly after starting her job (she reckoned she was infertile and told DH that she didn't take contraception because she had no chance of falling pregnant. Of course, DH found contraceptive pill packets and believed that she had trapped him)
I give her the benefit of the doubt on that score but she's very sly with a lot of things.

FunkyBoldRibena Thu 10-Jul-14 11:46:06

Yeah, I'd have my bags packed too.

Roundedbuttocks90 Thu 10-Jul-14 12:51:30

And he is still in denial that he has done anything wrong. Apparently I knew what I was walking into!

I knew being a stepparent would be a challenge - it has.
I didn't know that I would be expected to provide financially for this child.
I don't know DH was such a push over.
I didn't know that I would be main carer for her whilst she was here

I've gone above AND beyond. But he doesn't think I've done enough!?

2014meh Thu 10-Jul-14 13:01:15

He's not a pushover, you are.

He's pushing and you're rolling over and taking it.

"He can't" bollox - He won't because he's got you running round doing it all for him.

Get rid of this cocklodger.

QueenofallIsee Thu 10-Jul-14 13:01:47

I have seen your other threads - this man thinks that anyone with ovaries is automatically the carer, for him and for anyone else that he decides is in scope. You are well rid OP, I hope that you can see that through the inevitable pain

hellsbellsmelons Thu 10-Jul-14 13:02:24

Get out of there.
Take your packed bags and just go.
Stop stalling waiting for him to realise how wonderful you are.
No matter what you do, it won't be enough.
He will NEVER change.
He's an sponging arsehole and you need to get away from him.
Lean on your friends for support but please, for the love of god, LEAVE!!!!
No more contact at all.
Just be gone!

ViviPru Thu 10-Jul-14 13:06:15

I agree with PP he'll never change. He'll just find someone else to leech off. Don't look back, OP.

CanaryYellow Thu 10-Jul-14 13:07:41

I've read your previous threads. I really hope this is the final straw for you, and you really do end it now. The man is a leech.

douchbag Thu 10-Jul-14 13:10:31

I think I remember you posting about this a few months/weeks back. She moved away didn't she? Dd's mum x

Itsfab Thu 10-Jul-14 13:11:31

He CAN do all those things, don't be silly. He just chooses not too as he thinks you are his slave/mother/it is beneath him.

Mintyy Thu 10-Jul-14 13:12:48

How sad. I'm sorry that its come to this.

Sparklypants Thu 10-Jul-14 13:17:49

Good for you! Maybe this will be the kick up the arse he needs.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Thu 10-Jul-14 13:18:24

Why is it your car being used? Does 'D'P have a car too? Maybe you should say that your car is unavailable for such long & frequent trips as you can no longer afford the added mechanical costs?

I think I do remember your previous thread about this. Is it the one where DSD's mum moved away but refuses to even meet you halfway with DSD or ever bring her to you on a bus, train etc?

Of course your DP should be seeing his DD - and I don't think you are disputing that. However, it should not be you doing all of the work and shouldering all of the costs!

So what if paying half of your garage bill sent him overdrawn? The bill still needed to be paid regardless of that!

hellsbellsmelons Thu 10-Jul-14 13:37:05

The only kick he needs is to the curb!

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