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to think this is not an adequate thank you

(84 Posts)
missknows Wed 09-Jul-14 22:07:55

If you sent a child a birthday present would you expect any sort of thanks and if so what?

Didn't give it in person so that is out of the question. Not expecting a formal Thank you card but a quick phone call or even text would be nice. The closest thing to a Thanks is a status on the mum's Facebook saying "son had a lovely day, thanks for all the cards, gifts and the money, he's very happy" (not even tagged so people know it's there).

Am I being unreasonable in thinking that's a bit poor and almost worse than no thanks at all!

RedSoloCup Wed 09-Jul-14 22:09:20

Yes YABU imo!

Madcatgirl Wed 09-Jul-14 22:10:16

You don't give to receive. You are being unreasonable

MyFairyKing Wed 09-Jul-14 22:12:19

YANBU. A mass text or email would have been politer.

Iownafourinchporsche Wed 09-Jul-14 22:12:33

I think a text/email would have been polite yet quick. I don't give to receive but it does put me off if the receivers seem ungreaful

Droflove Wed 09-Jul-14 22:13:02

I think its nice that you sent a gift and it would be best manners for the child to say thanks by phone or something (arranged by parents who are teaching child manners) but it wouldnt bother me hugely not to be thanked. So I'm leaning on the side of YABU to be upset you didn't get a formal and personal thank you.

soverylucky Wed 09-Jul-14 22:14:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mineofuselessinformation Wed 09-Jul-14 22:14:33

Surely you give a gift for the pleasure it will give the receiver?
A thank you back is a bonus IMO.

Yama Wed 09-Jul-14 22:15:36


Every time I receive no thanks for a present I am pleased that the receiver feels no pressure to issue a thank you. I do not give to be thanked.

MyFairyKing Wed 09-Jul-14 22:16:29

Of course you don't give to receive a thank you but I still think it's rude. I've noticed that on MN, it's bad form to feel miffed if you don't get a thank you but in real life, I find my family and friends expect it. In my circle, thank yous come pretty quickly unless it's a thank you post-baby which is understandable.

FreeSpirit89 Wed 09-Jul-14 22:18:55

I always call or text to say thank you. That's how I was raised x

phantomnamechanger Wed 09-Jul-14 22:19:33

you don't give to receive means you don't necessarily expect a gift back if you buy for someone - but crikey yes I expect a thank you. manners cost nothing, and in fact make it more likely you will carry on receiving from that person, if they know you were pleased with their choice, and were grateful.

lack of a thank you is as bad as those who do not RSVP

rude rude rude

gertiegusset Wed 09-Jul-14 22:23:06

Manners maketh man.
Of course you should get a personal thank you.

missknows Wed 09-Jul-14 22:23:54

Didn't realise a thanks was deemed 'receiving'!

If someone handed someone a gift in person and they didn't say thank you to their face but just took it and said nothing would you deem that ok too?

bonzo77 Wed 09-Jul-14 22:28:32

YANBU. Really if the gift is not given in person (it's posted or sent with someone else), some kind of thank you is polite if only to let you know the gift arrived safely. IMO a text / email / tagged FB post is quite sufficient, though I do post cards to older people.

missknows Wed 09-Jul-14 22:29:08

I was always taught "manners cost nothing but are worth a lot."

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett Wed 09-Jul-14 22:36:17

YANBU. A text costs nothing, fGS.

My 9 yo hs ASD and so handwriting invitations isn't going to happen, but we work round it - for example, he draws one picture and I photocopy it, and this year we'll do a coup,e of emails (practising copy and pasting). It really, really isn't hard and it's teaching the things I want him to learn.

ChickenMe Wed 09-Jul-14 22:38:18

I too was raised to write thank you letters if there hadn't been an opportunity to thank in person. Nowadays it'd be a text. But I've regularly failed to receive a thank you from parents whose children have received a nice present from me. I think it rude, bad manners, a poor show. Very common nowadays. Also, I like to hear that the recipient liked it.

Chewbecca Wed 09-Jul-14 22:40:14

When was it? A thank you card may turn up in the post over the next week.... (Mine have never been instant)

UptobedNOW Wed 09-Jul-14 22:47:07

I think a thank you is courteous whether it be by letter, phone call, email or text. After all, if someone gave you a gift in person, you wouldn't just take it and open it without a personal thank you.

brotherhoodofspam Wed 09-Jul-14 23:37:49

Completely agree with all who think it's just rude not to say thank you. If someone's gone to the effort of choosing a gift, paying for it and getting it to you and you can't even be bothered to let then know it's arrived let alone say thank you and that you like it you shouldn't be surprised if they don't bother sending you another.

myusernameis Wed 09-Jul-14 23:47:42

No you are not being unreasonable to expect a thank you. It's good manners and I don't understand the people who are saying otherwise. You never know, you might still get a text when they've had a chance to go through who gave what.

Bobulate Thu 10-Jul-14 00:58:19

I think it's rude.

happygirl87 Thu 10-Jul-14 16:16:26

YANBU IMO. I don't think card/ text is necessary if you see the giver, but I do think it is otherwise.

littlemslazybones Thu 10-Jul-14 16:30:32

I fucking hate it when people give you stuff and have a hang up about the particular way in which they would like to be thanked for it.

I'd rather not have a gift than have to walk the ettiquete tightrope of the easily offended.

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