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To think possibly the head should have contacted me?

(22 Posts)
Sleepswithbutterflies Tue 08-Jul-14 17:20:26

Ds is in reception, for a few reasons we have had concerns with the school (currently inadequate and ds has had 4 different teachers this years). We made an appointment to see the head as we wanted to talk about the class ds would be in next year and to seek assurance re which teacher it would be and just to chat about ds's general progress.

When we attended the meeting it was the assistant head not the head and she didn't have any of the data or information regarding ds. She couldn't tell us which class ds would be in (even though this information had been given to other parents) and said class lists hadn't been made.
We expressed our concerns and said that we were considering withdrawing ds from the school. She said the head would be in touch.

Nothing. For a week. Sent emails. Nothing. In the end transferred ds to another school (starting September), head had to sign the form, secretary took it away, came back signed, still no conversation with him.

What upsets me is that I know of two other parents that have been to see the head and stated that they are considering withdrawing their child. Both children are high achieving girls - there are only 8 girls in ds's year of 45. The head did everything to keep them - he told the parents the girls were "assets" he "couldn't bring himself to sign their transfer forms" and that the school would be "devestated" to lose them.
This morning I heard him talking to a little girl who is moving out of catchment about how "gutted" he was she was going. Me and ds were stood next to them, not even an acknowledgment.

I feel like because ds is a boy, who is middle achieving and never likely to set the world on fire academically they don't care that he's going. Ds is very well behaved, he just toddles along. I didn't expect them to get down on their knees beg us to leave him there but I did think the head would have contacted us after we had seen the assistant head to talk to us about our concerns and it genuinely may well have made a difference.

As it is Im glad we have made the decision to move ds because I feel like no one at the school values him at all and I also think the head has been quite unprofessional.

And I am not one of "those" parents, this is the first time we have tried to see the head about anything all year, or indeed the teacher apart from at pick up and drop off.

Aibu? It's made me irrationally sad for ds that the head was professing great sorrow at his classmate leaving whilst we were stood next to them and he said not a single word to us.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Tue 08-Jul-14 17:25:02

That would smart a bit, OP. You're not being unreasonable to feel the way you do. Policy should be for the headteacher to keep his/her feelings private if they can't be equal across the board. There's nothing wrong with a 'middle performer' nor is it a measure of their worth.

However, this is life and everybody gets benchmarked against everybody else at some point. Sad for you though. thanks

Sleepswithbutterflies Tue 08-Jul-14 17:29:10

I don't mind ds being middle achieving, as long as he tries his best and behaves his little self.

It just makes me feel a bit sad that despite ds doing both of the above the school don't seem to have placed any value on it at all.

helensburgh Tue 08-Jul-14 17:30:56

I think you are fully justified in feeling the way you do.

Thank goodnes you have moved him, onwards and upwards.

Sleepswithbutterflies Tue 08-Jul-14 18:14:48

I wasn't sure if I was being PFB - but surely it is common courtesy to get in touch, particularly when he didn't attend the first meeting.

Nomama Tue 08-Jul-14 19:13:49

If you can bear to, send the Head a thank you note. Thank him for his actions of today as they have confirmed that you were right to withdraw your son from a school that does not recognise him, or you, in any way.

Do it without any fanfare, just a normal Thank You card, written from the heart.

Sometimes it's the little things, other times a slap in the face is required. If that were my boss I would have had a quiet word, about the AHs inaction and his own behaviour. You don't treat parents like that - especially when in special measures where parent feedback is sought by Ofsted, often from those who chose to leave.

girlwhowearsglasses Tue 08-Jul-14 19:37:24

Also do send a letter explaining his attitude is the final seal to a bad year.

We withdrew DS1 after reception at a 'good' school and I really wish I had sent head the letter I drafted. So glad we took him out though. 'Good' was a massive overstatement, no idea what a school in special measure must be like...

BlackeyedSusan Tue 08-Jul-14 20:13:44

write the letter to the chair of governors.

MiscellaneousAssortment Tue 08-Jul-14 20:23:14

Wow, I'd be thinking that ht is probably one of the reasons why the school is having problems. What an unprofessional man.

So good you're taking your son out. Achieving the best he can and behaving well is all anyone can ask - and it should be valued, not passed over.

I would be tempted to let the ht (and governors?) know that trying to save a school by rank favouritism is unlikely to succeed, and that you're glad he made it so clear that he only values certain children, as it's helped you make the right decision for your child.

I suggest governors as although it could seem an over reaction, there's not much point in communicating with the ht as it won't change his behaviour and won't be known about beyond himself.

(I'm the proud 'owner' of a quiet and well behaved boy who will also be looked over occasionally I suspect!)

Sleepswithbutterflies Tue 08-Jul-14 20:32:53

I hadn't thought about contacting governors.

Does the head teacher have to account for children who leave the school to attend another one in the close area? Or is it just so common no one bats an eyelid?

Sisyphus85 Tue 08-Jul-14 20:32:53

Huh - YADNBU - what an unprofessional man.

Sounds like you are sure doing the right thing moving DS to another school. I wouldn't go over the top with complaining... but a polite but honest note to the head, cc'ing the chair of governors, seems appropriate.

They made it clear that they don't care. You need to make it clear that you expect better. Hope Y1 brings more settles times for you both.

Nanny0gg Tue 08-Jul-14 20:39:36

I would definitely write to the CoG and explain why you are moving your DS and about how you were treated at the meeting, with the lack of data.

It won't help you (you've already done the right thing), but if the CoG is at all worth their salt, the information may help the other parents and children.

neverintheincrowd Tue 08-Jul-14 20:45:43

We may be relocating and I expect DS school to be 100% cockahoop when I tell them, he can't sit and listen to save himself. They'd put the flags out if your DS took his place. I hope your DSs next school appreciate him for who he is.

Botherations Tue 08-Jul-14 20:45:59

It's quite sad, I hope it's an unlucky oversight as he was seemly caught at busy moments. Do write a calm and factual note. And leave your opinions on ofsted parent view

Sleepswithbutterflies Tue 08-Jul-14 20:47:55

I appreciate he's busy and has lots of children in the school and ds is only one of those.

It's more that he seems to have taken the time for the others...but not for ds.

Botherations Tue 08-Jul-14 20:51:48

I know, I'd be upset too. Maybe it was poor timing, but you should question it

SisterMoonshine Tue 08-Jul-14 20:55:54

There may be a back story here re your DS.
Is there a teacher you didn't want to get then?

Topseyt Tue 08-Jul-14 21:00:46

It sure has vindicated your decision to move your son. The head sounds like an arse who has no idea how to treat children or their parents.

Send in the letter suggested. It will be interesting to see whether or not you get any response to it. Even if you don't, it will be satisfying to have put the boot in and had the last word.

Sleepswithbutterflies Tue 08-Jul-14 21:07:37

No - we just wanted to know and be reassured that he wasn't likely to have four different teachers / long term supply which is what has happened this year.

tiggytape Tue 08-Jul-14 21:17:23

YANBU to feel upset about the Head's reaction. Even if he was unwilling to discuss class teachers ir class lists at that point, he could at least have met you face to face to say so and not just ignored you.

As for other pupil's leaving, I am guessing he is more worried that the ones going are girls rather than high achievers. Only having 8/45 girls in one year can cause problems for those girls and makes the school a less attractive prospect for other parents who will assume their own DD won't have friends or that the boy-heavy year will be 'livelier' than a mixed year.

And I don't think it is any more professional to guilt-trip girl pupils into staying or tell them he's 'gutted' about their house move either. They are probably anxious about moving school (and house). The decision wasn't there. If he wants to say anything at all it should be to the parents in private not to the girls making them feel negatively about the move.

MiscellaneousAssortment Tue 08-Jul-14 21:44:07

SisterMoonshine from the OP I think it's more about getting one permanent teacher for the whole year vs any issues over disliking or wanting to choose a teacher

Four teachers in reception year sounds awful.

Carrie5608 Wed 09-Jul-14 00:09:02

YANBU the head was wrong.

However I wouldn't label your Ds as a middle achiever, at this stage you don't know what he can achieve. In a good school he should fulfil his potential ( don't put any limits on that at this age) and be happy.

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