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I've just sent a horribly PA text to my children.

(94 Posts)
AtYourCervix Mon 07-Jul-14 15:02:25

Along the lines of.... 'thanks for tidying up.... oh wait, you didn't'.

In my defence I am v tired, working nights and they are both doing nothing at all and haven't even washed up.

How the bloody hell do I make them actually do some housey stuff? Do I write lists every day?

Lobbing Mon 07-Jul-14 17:43:33

Changing the wi-fi password is even better if you've changed the name first.

I find mine will do more if I leave lists. These lists have to be detailed and have details like 'empty liquid from cups before placing in dishwasher'.

Bange Mon 07-Jul-14 17:45:30

how do you change the wifi password?


AdoraBell Mon 07-Jul-14 17:57:38

YY to today's wifi code, I'm stealing that one.

I haven't done my DDs' laundry for a few years now, apart from exam fortnight, they are so close, it would for me shame to have to murder them for their attitude now nearly 13.

Sisters that was genius grin

Who pays for all their stuff Cervix ? Could you dock their pocket money, stop buying what ever it is they must have food wise, while still feeding them of coursewink

AtYourCervix Mon 07-Jul-14 18:03:38

They both have jobs. D1 earns loads. D2 not do much. I suppose I just pay for stuff they want/need. Neither are particularly frivolous or greedy and don't demand or nag for stuff (blimey - did I do something right?)

AdoraBell Mon 07-Jul-14 18:10:39

Mine were not let loose on the washing machine. I gave them proper lessonsgrin

DD2 actually enjoyed the responsibility it was supposed to be a punishiment for being gobby, not a fecking reward for it and DD1 realized that flicking the switch without checking the setting resulted in her lugging a basket of hardly spun track suits to the line.

We also showed them how to use the vacuum cleaner properly. They were not amused. We were undeturred.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams Mon 07-Jul-14 18:15:51

My mum had a terrible habit of shrinking my clothes or dying them another colour. Funnily enough it only started in my teen years that I can recall.
............... goes off to contemplate that there may have been an ulterior motive that completely escaped me at the time ....

Itsfab Mon 07-Jul-14 18:37:14

My 13 year old told me I nag to much and moans and pulls faces EVERY BLOODY TIME I ask him to do something. He had a day off school today. 3 hours home alone. I told him exactly what needed doing and what would happen if he didn't. It wasn't done. It hasn't happened. I just can't face the faces he will pull and the attitude. He has wore me down to the point that I give up.

I have stopped putting their clothes away - months ago that though do the very odd thing - and for the last week or so I have folded them up and left them in individual piles. Twice he has stroppily said he needs me to buy more pyjamas or pants and I have pointed to the pile or told him he has plenty in the lounge. He is getting it quicker than the 10 and 9 year olds.


This week, no pocket money at all.

Stratter5 Mon 07-Jul-14 18:39:04

YY to showing them, Adora, mine were taught thoroughly too. I'm pretty fond of my washing machine (it plays a little tune when done), and didn't want it fucked up by careless small people.

ThinkIveBeenHacked Mon 07-Jul-14 18:41:13

If you do take theor phone/tablet/laptop, hide it in the washing machine.

Milmingebag Mon 07-Jul-14 19:02:43

How about asking they get a job ( might be tricky for one of them admittedly) and contribute towards the running of the house since they seem to need a reality check?

Otherwise tell them that money that would pay for their luxuries will be diverted to a pay for a cleaner in a week unless they ...... ( insert list of jobs needed to be done).

Milmingebag Mon 07-Jul-14 19:06:35

Itsfab - never give out pocket money for doing nothing. Assign them jobs for which they are paid if done properly.

Itsfab Mon 07-Jul-14 19:07:32

Just make sure you don't forget to take them out!!

Hassled Mon 07-Jul-14 19:08:24

Sympathies - I currently have a post-exam teenager lounging around the house doing bugger all too. I've taken to leaving post-it notes with very specific (i.e stating the bleeding obvious) instructions before I leave the house which has helped a bit, but I do feel myself building up to a full-on hissy fit.

Milmingebag Mon 07-Jul-14 19:09:05

Also Itsfab - every time he gives you attitude = he makes his own dinner/has wifi turned off/does his own ironing etc.

Itsfab Mon 07-Jul-14 19:12:29


we tried payment per day - full pocket money for 7 days jobs, less for not. Weren't fussed when got less.

Always full money but had to do what was asked when asked. Didn't last.

I have a chart up - was called earn your pocket money and they had 1-2 jobs a day.

Last month I did a new chart - responsibility chart. They have 3 jobs a day and sometimes one job has to be done once or twice.

Last 3 or 4 weeks they have had reduced pocket money. Weren't bothered. Warned them one more week and they would get nothing. They still got it as something went wrong. This week nothing as I have no change but they won't be getting anything.

Sent email to DS about what I said earlier. No response. DH ill so i have a sandwich and will be doing nothing the rest of tonight.

Milmingebag Mon 07-Jul-14 19:18:15

It's probably time for you to go on strike then or remove all gadgets... grin

RevoltingPeasant Mon 07-Jul-14 19:24:52

OP at 18 dd is old enough to understand rationally that she should pull her weight. Sit down and talk to her, you do a physical and demanding job and you need to not come home to a houseful of crap.

Then you need to make an American-style "honey do" list, as in "honey can you do...?"

Maybe 2-3 things every day. Simple and not overwhelming. If she does it then buy her a takeaway at the end of the week. Rules and rewards grin

brdgrl Mon 07-Jul-14 19:49:16

oh stratter, you misunderstand. Mine have been shown exactly how to do all variety of household tasks. They can use a washing machine, prepare reasonably complex meals, iron, hoover, mop, wash the car...but it makes no difference when faced with having to do something they do not want to do.
DSS is perfectly capable and has been given instruction in washing clothes...but when i withheld laundry services his response was NOT to do his own laundry in a careful and tidy manner and to the best of his ability.
Sometimes you follow all the usual advice and the kid doesn't comply. And sometimes you end up with no currency whatsoever except goodwill...which is never a sure or permanent condition with a teen. sad

SistersOfPercy Mon 07-Jul-14 19:55:05

treadsoftly my Mother used to iron my clothes.
I wore a lot of band T Shirts, Metallica, Megadeth type shirts. She absolutely HATED them because they invariably had skulls and blood on them. She'd wash my shirts with the weekly wash but if she came across a shirt she especially didn't like she'd iron the print and ruin it.

When I think back it was a bloody horrible thing to do to me but it didn't really work as I had a part time job from 14 so I'd just go out and buy another. She still moans about my T Shirt choices now. I block her out grin

weeblueberry Mon 07-Jul-14 20:00:16

Are they your step kids? Am just wondering if they're being especially defiant because of this. Do they listen to their dad if so?

missymayhemsmum Mon 07-Jul-14 20:04:46

Wake them before you leave with a 'please darling would you do x y and z by the time I come home from work at 5.30. Love you lots, have a lovely day
Follow up with reminder txt in case still asleep.
Blow your stack completely and storm out for the evening if jobs not done when you return.
If done, offer praise and thanks, how nice it is to come back from work to a tidy house, how you enjoy sharing your home with such lovely young adults. Open and share wine.

Lara2 Mon 07-Jul-14 20:18:55

I went down the sarcasm rote with DS1 - the 'hotel' send him all manner of apologetic texts about the rubbish catering department, the noisy cleaners etc. He hates them so much he actually started doing what I asked! grin

Pixel Mon 07-Jul-14 20:23:46

I stopped doing dd's laundry a couple of weeks ago. She hasn't noticed yet.

Her room is a complete tip too, you can't even see the floor. Trouble is my resolve not to touch it always falters eventually because we are renting and have regular inspections. I just couldn't bear the letting agents to see the state of it whereas dd couldn't care less.

brdgrl Mon 07-Jul-14 20:43:22

Don't want to hijack thread with my own pleas for advice that works.. but for purposes of illustration...DSS lost xbox for a while after an accumulation of offenses. He got it back two days ago but with a limit placed on it of 21 hours a week. At this very moment I can hear him upstairs arguing with DH and calling him a cunt for this.

brdgrl Mon 07-Jul-14 20:44:42

yes pixel if they care less than we do they know we will cave.

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