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AIBU?

AIBU to think DH should have learned to drive?

219 replies

SisterMcKenzie · 04/07/2014 20:19

He's pissed off with me because I'm not going to pick him up and the DC now.
I'm been guilted out by text atm

It's been 7 years at least since I bought him driving lessons.

His dad gave him numerous driving lessons 20 years back.

I passed my test at 17.

AIBU to think at over 40 he should have equal responsibility for driving?
btw we both work hours and earn similar hours

OP posts:

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sanfairyanne · 04/07/2014 20:20

up to him if he drives or not but he shouldnt expect lifts.

thenightsky · 04/07/2014 20:21

YANBU

just that really

thenightsky · 04/07/2014 20:22

Sorry... me again.

If he's had two courses of lessons, why did they not culminate in driving tests?

TheHouseCleaner · 04/07/2014 20:24

YABU. There's no "should". You've just said he's over 40 - he's old enough to make his own decisions and not be told he "should" drive.

He is unreasonable for expecting you to pick him up. He isn't unreasonable to expect you to pick up any young children you share together, unless under exceptional circumstances.

GnomeDePlume · 04/07/2014 20:25

Given all the opportunities, what are his reasons for not having learned to drive?

Clutterbugsmum · 04/07/2014 20:25

I agree with sanfairyanne, it is his choice not to lean to drive and the same with not to drag yourself and dc out to collect him.

SisterMcKenzie · 04/07/2014 20:26

why did they not culminate in driving tests?

He never went for them..

OP posts:

Groovee · 04/07/2014 20:27

It's his choice not to drive and he shouldn't expect lifts

FraidyCat · 04/07/2014 20:32

He isn't unreasonable to expect you to pick up any young children you share together

I suppose anyone who's never learned to cook is exempt from feeding their children, their partner should do it.

littlejohnnydory · 04/07/2014 20:34

If he can afford to learn, take his test etc, and is capable of passing it, doesn't have any medical problem preventing him - then YANBU. I'd bloody love to be able to drive. The whole family's lives would be completely different. I failed 3 tests as a young adult and have never been in a financial position to learn since. It's bloody horrible never being fully independent, alwasy relying on lifts / not being able to go places. I don't know why anyone who can learn wouldn't take advantage of the opportunity or wouldn't want to.

littlejohnnydory · 04/07/2014 20:36

I suppose anyone who's never learned to cook is exempt from feeding their children, their partner should do it.

It doesn't cost a bloody fortune to learn to cook, so it isn't prohibitive for anyone. And even if you can't cook you can rustle up beans on toast. Driving is black and white, you can either drive or you can't. Silly comparison! The financial side might not apply for the OP's dh but it does apply to many (I'd think most) people who can't drive.

GnomeDePlume · 04/07/2014 20:36

If he were single then I would say that it was his choice to not drive. However, once children are on the scene then not driving does edge towards not pulling his weight if the driving partner is expected to do all the child lifts (school, play dates, parties, trips out, doctors appointments etc etc).

I can remember having to drive with an agonising trapped nerve in my neck because DH couldnt drive. We had to ask FiL to collect DD from CM.

Within a week DH had got himself driving as that was a huge lesson learned.

sanfairyanne · 04/07/2014 20:41

the kids can get buses or taxis with their dad, or walk
wont kill them

EarthWindFire · 04/07/2014 20:44

Some people just don't want to drive for various reasons. It isn't compulsory!

TheHouseCleaner · 04/07/2014 20:45

"I suppose anyone who's never learned to cook is exempt from feeding their children, their partner should do it."

Well someone's gotta do it, Fraidycat!

C'mon, be kind to me, the essentials to keep a child alive are a bit different to collecting them in a car!

Sillylass79 · 04/07/2014 20:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheHouseCleaner · 04/07/2014 20:50

"once children are on the scene then not driving does edge towards not pulling his weight if the driving partner is expected to do all the child lifts"

Not if the non driver does other things to make up for not pulling his weight in that particular area. You don't need to split each individual responsibility 50/50 in a relationship where there are children. You just need to do your share of chores overall in some way. So, for example, the DH does the gardening and the DW does the shopping, the DW does the DIY while the DH does the washing and ironing.

thenightsky · 04/07/2014 20:54

Why did he let you and his dad both pay for expensive lessons, yet not book the test at the end?

DrCoconut · 04/07/2014 20:57

You were fortunate to be able to pass a driving test at 17. My parents couldn't afford to pay for me to learn to drive at that age and part time jobs that fitted round college and A levels were almost non existent. I'm now 37 and still have not managed to pass my test despite several attempts. I'm starting again in September, third time lucky? Is there a reason your DH didn't get to be able to drive, it is not easy at all for some people who are not naturals at it.

Goblinchild · 04/07/2014 20:57

I'm married to a non-driver, and I feel the same as HouseCleaner. It's a partnership, and you split things up according to abilities and preferences when you can. Or at least that's how my relationship works.
I know that there are 'girly' things I never learnt to do well, that he's never nagged me about or expected. Like ironing.
I took responsibility for my DC and transport until they were old enough to make their own way to most things, and OH doesn't expect lifts. I do offer on occasion, but he always thanks me.
How old are the children you are using as pawns in the struggle?

Goblinchild · 04/07/2014 21:00

There are lots of women who post here who can't drive. Do you think their partners should nag them until they do?

DragonMamma · 04/07/2014 21:01

After several failed relationships with non drivers, I married a driver and I actually respect him much more because of it.

There's nothing more unattractive than collecting your boyfriend for a date and not being able to have a drink because you're driving.

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Doodleloomoo · 04/07/2014 21:02

Why was he expecting a lift this time? Do you arrange it and have changed your mind, or did he just assume without asking beforehand?

He is bu to be pissed off unless you have dropped him in it (doesn't sound like it). I know it isnt compulsory to drive, but if there is no reason why not, I do think someone with a family is being unreasonable not to do so.

NuggetofPurestGreen · 04/07/2014 21:06

Is it okay for the man not to be able to drink because he's driving?

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 04/07/2014 21:07

My DH passed his test over 20 years ago but drove once then never again.
He's not happy behind the wheel. He gets the bus ,
But if he needs a lift, it's a joint finance car, so if I can, I'd get him.

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