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Is my friend being unreasonable about his wedding?

(217 Posts)
CannulaNellie Wed 02-Jul-14 14:11:54

I'm not emotionally invested in this and can see both sides of the coin but am interested in what others think.

I have a friend who's getting married in his future in-laws country house - very lovely indeed. The house is completely private and not open to the public but is set in large and pretty grounds, a couple of fields I think as well as a garden.

Invitations arrived a week or so ago and in that blurb pamphlet thing that often accompanies wedding invitations there was a bit about accommodation. Previous to the invitations being sent out the couple had said to lots of people that as the location was quite remote guests would be welcome to camp in the fields if they wanted. Anyway, the pamphlet mentioned camping and said that they would be charging £20 per head for this which would be going to a children's charity, so for a family of 4 £80.

In our friendship group there has been much muttering about this charge as virtually everyone is travelling to attend with their whole family. Some people think it's a very bizarre thing to do and why not just have donations to charity in lieu of wedding presents if that's something the couple feel strongly about, and others are happy to 'pay' despite there being no facilities as such and that there are local campsites that charge £25 per night in total.

What do you think?

SarcyMare Wed 02-Jul-14 14:13:38

You don't get to afford big houses by accident.

campingfilth Wed 02-Jul-14 14:15:16

So no loos, no showers and they want £20 a head...erm nope I'd go to the local campsite and pay for a pitch as it will be a damn site cheaper than that if you and a family of 4.

Very bizarre indeed.

FatalCabbage Wed 02-Jul-14 14:17:48

Ouch. I would imagine the IL2B thought it would be just such a lovely charming idea, and ha ha who can't affordtthat small sum?

He has to talk to them to get the "fee" to be a suggesteddonation.

CannulaNellie Wed 02-Jul-14 14:18:23

I have to say I'm looking forward to seeing how they propose to collect the money!

Dh says he'd go, camp, then breeze off afterwards thanking them for a lovely event and wishing them much happiness but never mention any camping fees.

Rubadubstylee Wed 02-Jul-14 14:18:42

Yes seems odd. As Sarcy says, no wonder they are rich!

cees Wed 02-Jul-14 14:18:44

Seems very grabby to me.

redskyatnight Wed 02-Jul-14 14:18:52

Would be ok at �20 per family, but who would pay �20 per head? Surely you'd either camp elsewhere for cheaper, or stretch to a hotel/B&B?

beccajoh Wed 02-Jul-14 14:19:16

£20 a head??! Clearly they've never been camping.

beccajoh Wed 02-Jul-14 14:20:40

I'd want a bed indoors somewhere with a loo and hot shower available nearby for £20.

sebsmummy1 Wed 02-Jul-14 14:20:41

Are you sure you are reading the invitation correctly? That seems really weird.

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks Wed 02-Jul-14 14:22:24

Totally unreasonable. I would book the other campsite at £25, or not attend at all. A small donation (that each person choses) to charity if they wish is one thing (like camping in our field is free, but there will be a charity box by the door for those that wish to donate), but to charge a set fee is out of order.
It is pricing guests out of staying, whilst supporting a charity of their choosing without affecting their gifts IYSWIM?
I don't like charity giving to be forced on me though, I like to give to the charity of my choosing at a time that is conveinient to me.

DoJo Wed 02-Jul-14 14:24:50

I agree that if supporting a charity was so important to them, they should be the ones sacrificing their wedding gifts to make a donation. Does the £20 get proper toilet and shower facilities? Or just a square of grass in their garden?

CannulaNellie Wed 02-Jul-14 14:25:43

The exact wording is ' you are welcome to stay in the grounds for a small charge (aprox £20 per person) with the money going to a children's charity. Just think! Cheaper than a hotel and you'll be doing your bit for the community '

sebsmummy1 Wed 02-Jul-14 14:27:56

Fucking hell they want you to contribute to the local community and gift the Bride and Groom I assume? Plus travel there, arrange childcare if necessary etc. I am honestly shocked at how outrageous some families really are with their expectations.

StrangeGlue Wed 02-Jul-14 14:28:40

Are there any loos? How are you meant to get teeth brushed etc? Will they let you all trot through their house.

On face value yanbu and they are taking the piss. I would assume it was that £ in lieu of a present.

I'd rather drive an hour and stay at a premier inn for well under £80 if that was a viable option.

gamerchick Wed 02-Jul-14 14:30:40

For 20 quid a head it'll be cheaper to club together for rooms in a b&b.

They probably think it's a brilliant idea.

todayisnottheday Wed 02-Jul-14 14:30:46

They haven't even named the charity so people can add that into their decision. I'd say it's very unreasonable. Grabby dressed up as do-good. I would stay on another site nearby on principle, I'd also tell him why (politely of course)

gamerchick Wed 02-Jul-14 14:32:36

Everybody should immediately swamp the hosts for practicalities asking about toilets, showers and other stuff provided at a campsite etc. They may do a back peddle.

NorbertDentressangle Wed 02-Jul-14 14:32:52

You could always play dumb and phone and ask them about the toilet and shower facilities, breakfast etc.

When they say there aren't any just say "oh, really, I thought that as it was so much more expensive than the campsite down the road that you were providing all that, with the surplus money and any extra donations going to charity"

maddening Wed 02-Jul-14 14:33:18

All go but stay sober and drive home (that'll do loads for the atmosphere) and make the gift to the bride and groom a donation to the local community centre in their name - they'll be delighted no doubt to ne helping the community which is evidently close to their hearts!

Hedgehogsrule Wed 02-Jul-14 14:34:24

They will let you use their toilets and showers, surely.
These are rich people who assume you are the same. And they want to come across as bountiful towards their local charity (probably something like repair the church organ that they enjoy playing on).
Just treat similar to a hotel option, weigh up pros and cons and choose whatever suits you.

caruthers Wed 02-Jul-14 14:35:01

I just wouldn't go.

Strange people.

StanleyLambchop Wed 02-Jul-14 14:35:06

£20 per person? I am not an expert on camping but don't they price it per pitch, not per person? Why can't they just ask for a charity donation for camping, put an honesty box out by the field gate and leave it at that?

STOPwiththehahaheheloling Wed 02-Jul-14 14:36:55

Dh says he'd go, camp, then breeze off afterwards thanking them for a lovely event and wishing them much happiness but never mention any camping fees.

Yep- i'd do this too. Cheeky feckers!

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