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to not want to send kids to my Mum's so their step Dad can "have a break"?

(154 Posts)
somanymiles Sat 28-Jun-14 21:48:30

My DH and I had planned to spend a few days away next week and my kids were to go to my Mum's. However, we decided we were too skint to go away and would do day trips instead. He still expects my kids (who are his step children) to go to my Mum's so he can "have a break" from them. They are 12 and 15 respectively and pretty good, not rude or badly behaved. They already spend one or two nights a week at my Mum's or sister's house (Friday and Saturday this week). I think it's a bit much to expect Mum to have them for three nights when we won;t even be going away. He is in a massive sulk because he was looking forward to having a break from them. We have Wednesday-Friday off and they will be going to my Mum's on the Friday. AIBU? Should I ask Mum to take them anyway? They will be away for all of August visiting their Dad, so he will be getting a break soon anyway. We will still have DS3 with us who is three years' old.

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis Sat 28-Jun-14 21:51:47

How about he goes back to his mum and you can have a lovely time with your kids and a break from his mardybumness?

SallyMcgally Sat 28-Jun-14 21:52:38

YANBU. That sounds very mean on the part of your DH, especially as you will still have their sibling with you so it's not childfree time anyway. I don't like that distinction he's establishing between his step-children and child. And, as you say, if he's got the whole of August without them then he's even more unreasonable.

HecatePropylaea Sat 28-Jun-14 21:53:41

Is the 3 year old his biolofical child?

Either he sees you as a family unit or it cant work.
Its not you and him and the kids he has to tolerate. That is so unfair to them.

Finola1step Sat 28-Jun-14 21:54:29

Well... We all need a bit of quiet time without the kids says she who hasn't been out for an evening with DH for ages

But your DH is being excessive. The dc already go to your mum's two nights a week. Is this every week? If so, why?

And they will be at their Dad's during a large chunk of their summer holidays.

Does your DH see your dc as part of his family? Or are they a necessary inconvenience to put up with until they turn 18?

bloodyteenagers Sat 28-Jun-14 21:56:08

He wants a break?
Then he can leave then. Have as much of a break as he wants. The rest of you can enjoy yourselves without the selfish, mardy child spoiling the atmosphere.

Finola1step Sat 28-Jun-14 21:58:30

Just re read your OP.

Sorry, this really doesn't sit right with me. He is sulking because he thought he was going to get a break from your dc.

People need a break from work, from the daily grind of housework, child care, shopping, cooking etc.

Needing regular breaks from two nice kids? Really? I think he is telling you something here and you need to listen.

DontPutMeDownForCardio Sat 28-Jun-14 22:00:39

He was probably looking forward to some quality time with you. It doesn't make him a twat to be disappointed.

Chunderella Sat 28-Jun-14 22:00:42

I could see his point if he wanted a break from all DC. But as it's just yours, that leaves a nasty taste.

weatherall Sat 28-Jun-14 22:01:30

I don't see a problem with this.

(We are a step family)

somanymiles Sat 28-Jun-14 22:02:04

Yes, they are an incovenience that he puts up with. TBH while this bothers me a lot, I also realise that it must be hard to share your life with two children that are not yours. If there are any step parents out there who woud care to comment that would be helpful. The 3 year old is his biologically.

somanymiles Sat 28-Jun-14 22:03:03

Sorry weatherall, didn't see yours before I posted!

racmun Sat 28-Jun-14 22:03:56

At first I thought fair enough, it is nice to be child free time but then as I read on you're having your daughter anyway I think he is being mean

FightingFires Sat 28-Jun-14 22:04:29

I think he's probably disappointed about not having time just the two of you. That's nice sometimes. Do you not fancy a just the two of you break? Why not? I think YABU.

Hulababy Sat 28-Jun-14 22:07:23

But it's not just the two of them. The 3y will still be there

MrsDiesel Sat 28-Jun-14 22:08:20

I think some people are missing the fact they they will still have their three year old anyway which totally changes the tone of the post.

I think he is being horrible and if he need a break for his step children he can bugger off somewhere and have one!

Just curious but why do your children spend two nights a week out of the home and does your younger child go with them?

SallyMcgally Sat 28-Jun-14 22:08:33

I'm a stepparent, but my DSCs are now adult and have left home. We were the nrps. But if I had ever wanted to intimate that I needed a break from them, or wanted them out of the house, I'd have been told immediately (and rightly) that it was their home and no way. And as for expecting my DH to favour his children with me over his children with his EXW - absolutely no way. I usually defend stepparents on AIBU. Absolutely not in this case.

ChasedByBees Sat 28-Jun-14 22:10:40

He is being horrible. He has the whole of August. It can't be great for your DC to feel that they are just tolerated.

Chuffchuff Sat 28-Jun-14 22:11:36

Tbh if I needed a 'break' from the DC, it would be a three year old rather than older children who tend not to be so 'full on' anyway.

And speaking from experience, 'blended' families can only really work when all dc are treated equally. Your H is so blatantly favouring his bio child that I assume this isn't the first time he's done so. Not on, IMO.

overthemill Sat 28-Jun-14 22:12:10

I think he's being a bit of an arse BUT I am a step parent to two beloved stepchildren and I do really like it when my DH and I go away just with our dd. It's a different kind of break doesn't happen very often but I do like it. And I also like the holidays we have with the two of them as well! Just a different experience . My 2 dcs are adults now. ( 21 and 18) but still come away with us. They live 50/50 just about with us and with their mum when not at uni .

somanymiles Sat 28-Jun-14 22:13:06

My three year old has never had a sleepover away from home, so it was never the plan for him to go to my Mum's. He will be in nursery during the day though. The big kids often go to my Mum's on a Friday as we have Friday night dinner there and they don't like going home late on the bus plus will get spoiled by Mum in the morning (chocolate pancakes etc). I sometimes stay too. They like going to my sisters' too because she lets them play video games, stay up late etc. It's usually one night a week, just happens to be two this week for one reason or another.

overthemill Sat 28-Jun-14 22:13:20

Btw some years the dcs have 5 or 6 holidays as they have huge extended family they all go away with.

SureFootedWhispher Sat 28-Jun-14 22:13:53

I understand completely his feelings, but I think he is getting 'a break' anyway.

I sometimes feel sufficated with my stepchildren, but they are 18 & 20 and do nothing to help out. DD is 2.6.

RhondaJean Sat 28-Jun-14 22:13:54

Well I can kind of understand because I would be sulking if I thought I was getting a couple of days without my kids and it didn't happen - and they are my own biological kids - but then you mentioned the 3 year old.

somanymiles Sat 28-Jun-14 22:16:23

Fightingfires - I do fancy some quality time with him. But it just seems odd to ask my Mum to have them for three nights when we are not even away.

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