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Was it unreasonable of me to accept a decline to an invitatation?

(48 Posts)
Littleturkish Sat 28-Jun-14 20:39:44

Stuck with how to word this.

Have a friend who introduced me to her work friend when we all went for lunch together. We got on well, when I told her about a place I'd been to in London recently, she asked me to tell her if I wanted to go again and she would come.

Weeks pass, I invite her and my friend to go to this place in London, my friend declines but other friend accepts. My friend cites money as a reason, so we make other arrangements to do something cost free another time. I still go with the other friend.

I've had several texts accusing me of being insensitive and unreasonable for still going with the other friend. Reasons given are: it was HER friend, she had no money so cruel of me to exclude her, she has had a difficult week and I knew that, so should have wanted to see her.

I do not feel I was unreasonable, this friend has form for getting very angry and cutting people out- but has never done it to me, I'm beginning to strongly dislike her for doing it to others. Now it seems it is my turn.

I've ignored the third message telling me how horrible I am- I've not said sorry as I'm not. But I need to know- was I being unreasonable to still go out?

Jinsei Sat 28-Jun-14 20:42:31

Yanbu, she is being precious.

eddielizzard Sat 28-Jun-14 20:43:50

i can see how she was hurt but i think you did the right thing by still going. your friend sounds quite difficult!

Ragwort Sat 28-Jun-14 20:45:52

Sounds the sort of thing a 13 year old would say - no, you were not unreasonable, you offered to do something else 'cost free' with (first) friend. This (first) friend sounds very needy, as adults we all have to accept that people's budgets are different. I have a group of friends who regularly go away for expensive weekends abroad - I don't begrudge them that at all, equally I have friends who genuinely can't afford to go out for a coffee - I accept that and meet them for coffee at their homes.

If this person has form for behaving like this maybe it is time to see less of her? Stop engaging in text exchanges for a start though - pick up the phone grin.

MrsDiesel Sat 28-Jun-14 20:46:14

No you weren't being unreasonable. Just ignore the drama lama and her nasty messages.

TickleMePurple Sat 28-Jun-14 20:46:17

Yanbu. Honestly.

littlewhitebag Sat 28-Jun-14 20:46:29

You invited them both. One accepted, the other declined. You were going anyway. You were not unreasonable to go with the new friend. Old friend is being very arsey.

EllaFitzgerald Sat 28-Jun-14 20:47:17

She's being a bit weird about it. You're sharing a mutual friend, not asking to borrow her knickers!

Mintyy Sat 28-Jun-14 20:48:17


HecatePropylaea Sat 28-Jun-14 20:48:29

No, you weren't unreasonable.

leeave the mardy madam to her foot stamping lip quivering strop and see if she gets uin touch when she grows the fu k up.

I assume you were meant to provide the cash for her to attend. hmm

SquigglySquid Sat 28-Jun-14 20:51:47

Why should you rearrange plans just because a friend couldn't make it? If she's broke, she's broke. She's a grown ass woman, she can woman up and deal.

HappySunflower Sat 28-Jun-14 20:52:47

She sounds like very hard work to me!

Littleturkish Sat 28-Jun-14 20:53:59

Ella I just snorted. I'm stealing that comment for future use.

For clarification- I detest arguments of this kind, and I've tried to respond to her texts by diverting the conversation, but after two tries I gave up. I agree texts aren't the way to go- and oddly, I doubt she'd say this face to face.

Driven by your confidence I'm not going to reply (I've probably waited too long now anyway- it's been a few days!) and I've mentally added her to my 'used to be nice' list.

Thanks! So relieved no one thought I was being a Wendy.

Icimoi Sat 28-Jun-14 20:54:12

I'd be tempted to tell friend to grow up and then ignore all subsequent messages from her till she comes to her senses.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds Sat 28-Jun-14 20:54:26

Yeah. Woman the fuck up, princess.

Purplecircle Sat 28-Jun-14 20:54:27

YANBU you hid nothing and can't put your life on hold for someone else's finances

ThinkIveBeenHacked Sat 28-Jun-14 20:54:30

What an odd woman!

"X wamted to go, so the next time I was going I invited you both. You declined and she accepted. I was going anyways. Sorry you werent able to make it, maybe next time --you weirdo--"

HeartsTrumpDiamonds Sat 28-Jun-14 20:56:22

Her, obviously, not you.

pictish Sat 28-Jun-14 21:04:03

"I'm going to say you have read too much into it. I invited you weren't able to make it, but xxx was. It's as simple as that. I am not insensitive or cruel and frankly your texts are uncalled for."

Polite but firm.

SoonToBeSix Sat 28-Jun-14 21:11:45

Ragwort , why wouldn't you just buy them a coffee?

Lepaskilf Sat 28-Jun-14 21:15:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AlpacaPicnic Sat 28-Jun-14 22:08:32

Definitely not being a Wendy. If you were, you wouldn't have invited her in the first place, and would have kept it secret until you posted pictures of it on Facebook....

Your friend is angry about not being able to go, maybe? Because of the lack of funds? That doesn't mean she has the right to direct that anger at you..

Pumpkinpositive Sat 28-Jun-14 22:12:53

YANBU, though I can see why she was irrationally hurt. But three text messages telling you how horrible you are?? grin

Does this person need to be the centre of attention at all times?

Ragwort Sat 28-Jun-14 22:53:04

Soon - yes, good point I would always offer to buy them a coffee BUT I can appreciate that it sometimes comes across as a bit condescending to always be the one 'treating' the other person so if they would feel more comfortable meeting for a coffee at home then I would be happy to go with that suggestion.

wheresthelight Sat 28-Jun-14 23:43:29

I had similar a few years ago. Friend A intintroduced me to friend B and we hit it off, after several invitations to friend a to come and stay at ours having been declined I invited B as she had mentioned she loved the area we live but due to redundancy for her dh they were unable to afford a holiday. Would have mentioned it to A next time we spoke but certainly wasn't planning to ring to ask permission. friend A went mental and 8 years later still won't speak to me. She fell out with B over it also but has forgiven her weirdly!

I would cut off friend 1 sounds far too much hard work

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