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To leave 10yo dd1 home alone while we go shopping?

(54 Posts)
D0oinMeCleanin Sat 28-Jun-14 17:10:23

We've just been to town but couldn't find what we needed.

dd1 wants to make her own pizza, including the base, for supper, so I need yeast and strong white flour. We couldn't find any in town, so will need to go to Tesco. Let me just reiterate that all of this faffing and expense is being done for dd1, at her behest.

I wouldn't buy her a new charger for her tablet. I bought three last week. She broke 1. Left one in the middle of her bedroom floor, under a blanket, I stood on it and it broke. The third one was left in London on the very expensive school trip she's come back from.

She howled all the way home. She has nothing to play with. She never gets anything. I spend all of my money on wine (I bought 1 bottle of wine and drink less than once a week) and neglect her.

She's now upstairs in her room howling again.

AIBU to just leave her and go and get the pizza things with dd2? She turned 10 last December and is usually sensible. We'll be gone about 40 minutes.

I don't think I can face reasoning with her after her behaviour in town because she was said no to, after all that was done and bought for her to go to London and the fact that we only need pizza stuff because she wants it. Although dd2 is now looking forward to it, otherwise I'd just give them beans on toast and send her to bed.

Smelsa Mon 30-Jun-14 12:55:28

No, but it gives her licence to hope for a bit of leeway from mum who should expect that her behaviour is going to be affected from years of living in an abusive home and then all the shit happening now after the escape.

D0oinMeCleanin Mon 30-Jun-14 14:53:10

I think -hope- she gets that Smelsa, but on Saturday night she pushed me to my very limit and I lost it.

I did apologise to her and explain that I shouldn't have said those things to her, but also that she can only push me so far, before it becomes too much. I am only human.

I do understand that her behaviour, confidence and self esteem will have been effected by all that's gone on. I am trying my best to rectify that and she does seem happier since we've moved, but of course she is entitled to have a bad day.

She's gotten what she wanted in the end anyway because I've just bought dd2 a new charger since she asked this morning for one and she did not lose or break any of the chargers this week. Dd2, sometimes to her own detriment, is very sharing and protective of her big sister. I am sure dd1 will get as much use of dd2's charger as dd2 will, but as for wanting her own, she will need to buy herself one.

Dd1 is also just plainly and simply very spoiled. She is the golden child, in my GPs eyes and very rarely hears no from them. They are always buying her things or taking her places or excusing her bad behaviour, it's hard sometimes to see what is just plain old being a madam and what is a side effect of her dad's behaviour.

Froggie2812 Mon 30-Jun-14 16:30:26

My daughter turned 11 last week and I have only just started leaving her for short bursts. Say 20 minutes? (A 10 minute drive to collect husband from the train station and then the 10 minute drive back). I make sure all doors and windows are shut and that she has her phone to hand. Probably a bit paranoid but I'm new to this. She starts secondary school in September so I'm trying to give her a little more independence and autonomy - but only baby steps!

As for your daughter, only you know how responsible she is. If she's upset then I'm not sure if it's best to leave her. She may do something irrational that you wouldn't necessarily expect her to do.

I'd order in pizza for yourself and your other daughter and she can go without. Bad behaviour has to have consequences otherwise she'll never learn and the teenage years will be HELL for you.

And she can save up and pay for a replacement charger. Again the same rule applies, if she doesn't look after her things and respect her property then she will never learn the value of money and you'll have a brat to contend with.

Good luck!

BravePotato Mon 30-Jun-14 16:47:58

Oh, it sounds a tough situation. hormones don't help.

I sometimes leave my 11 yr old (boy) for up to 30 mins. We are in a semi in a cul- de sac, know all the neighbours, I feel he could get help easily if anything happened. I don't lock the doors.

He has instruction to not answer the door.

He is, oddly, sensible when on his own, whereas with other kids he is very silly.

I would never in a million years leave BOTh my 10 yr old and my 11 yr old together for example!

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