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To leave 10yo dd1 home alone while we go shopping?

(54 Posts)
D0oinMeCleanin Sat 28-Jun-14 17:10:23

We've just been to town but couldn't find what we needed.

dd1 wants to make her own pizza, including the base, for supper, so I need yeast and strong white flour. We couldn't find any in town, so will need to go to Tesco. Let me just reiterate that all of this faffing and expense is being done for dd1, at her behest.

I wouldn't buy her a new charger for her tablet. I bought three last week. She broke 1. Left one in the middle of her bedroom floor, under a blanket, I stood on it and it broke. The third one was left in London on the very expensive school trip she's come back from.

She howled all the way home. She has nothing to play with. She never gets anything. I spend all of my money on wine (I bought 1 bottle of wine and drink less than once a week) and neglect her.

She's now upstairs in her room howling again.

AIBU to just leave her and go and get the pizza things with dd2? She turned 10 last December and is usually sensible. We'll be gone about 40 minutes.

I don't think I can face reasoning with her after her behaviour in town because she was said no to, after all that was done and bought for her to go to London and the fact that we only need pizza stuff because she wants it. Although dd2 is now looking forward to it, otherwise I'd just give them beans on toast and send her to bed.

calzone Sat 28-Jun-14 17:12:06

I would do beans on toast and tell dd2 she can have pizza tomorrow.

Dd1 should do jobs to help pay for the charger.


Canus Sat 28-Jun-14 17:13:03

I'd go with the beans on toast option.

Three chargers?

beccajoh Sat 28-Jun-14 17:13:06

Sounds like a lot of hassle. I'd do beans on toast.

Gremlingirl Sat 28-Jun-14 17:13:56

My 10 year old daughter is like this sometimes so you have my sympathy. What stopped her in her tracks yesterday was, when she was howling about how unfair life was and how her brothers always get more treats etc, DH just turned round and said "but obviously, that's because we like them better than we like you" (in a very jokey way, before anyone jumps on me). She laughed and all was well.
But to answer your question, I don't think I'd leave my stroppy little mare alone for 40 minutes to go shopping. The usual MN maxim, it's not that something might happen to her, necessarily, it's that something might happen to you.

Monopolice Sat 28-Jun-14 17:14:25

Why go and buy more stuff for her?

D0oinMeCleanin Sat 28-Jun-14 17:14:48

Dd2 has been delightful. I don't want to punish her for her sister's bad behaviour.

The charger will be replaced from dd1's own pocket money or not all.

BreakOutTheKaraoke Sat 28-Jun-14 17:14:57

I would- and do- leave my 10 year old while I go to shops. I'd tell her tough about the charger.

MeMyselfAnd1 Sat 28-Jun-14 17:15:54

I wouldn't leave her alone if she is upset and rebellious, she can get herself into trouble.

Alisvolatpropiis Sat 28-Jun-14 17:16:25

Yes, leave her to sulk.

If she's usually sensible it is unlikely she will suddenly not be just because she's have a sulk.

Also agree that dd2 shouldn't be punished for dd1 being a madam.

hercules1 Sat 28-Jun-14 17:16:48

3 chargers in one week? Really? You're spoiling her and moaning about her being spoilt.

Ragwort Sat 28-Jun-14 17:16:54

Don't pander to her, shame if DD2 is looking forward to the pizza but by giving in to DD1 and going shopping again (not to mention the expense - I am aware of your situation and know money is tight) you are teaching her that she can have whatever she wants despite her behaviour. A 10 year old should know better than to howl over things.

And why did you buy her three chargers for her tablet shock.

And yes, I do have a child of a similar age who can be a right pain so I appreciate how tough & relentless it is, good luck.

calzone Sat 28-Jun-14 17:17:33

Normally, I would say yes to leaving a 10 y old. In this case, due to her strop, I would say No.

I would order in a pizza for you and dd2 and send dd1 to bed.

D0oinMeCleanin Sat 28-Jun-14 17:19:57

1 of the chargers was dd2's. The other was a USB to mini USB from Poundland and she used the plug from my old phone charger. Only 1 was a proper new charger.

Dd2 is happy to go and charge her Kindle at her dad's with his charger until I replace her charger.

Canus Sat 28-Jun-14 17:23:51

But that's even worse - she broke/lost someone elses property.

Do you never show your older daughter that her actions have consequences? She's running rings around you, and you sound happy to let her.

DogCalledRudis Sat 28-Jun-14 17:25:59

Get ready bases for the pizza

Thenapoleonofcrime Sat 28-Jun-14 17:28:50

I would and do leave my 10 year old for short periods but only if she was in a very sensible mood, after telling the neighbours and with a plan of action (don't answer door, don't move from in front of computer, no making toast or cooking). I wouldn't leave her distressed as she's far more likely to forget one of these.

I don't really know why you are still pandering to her, if I was too tired to go into town, I would just say to my children 'sorry, mummy's too tired to go back into town, we'll have to have something else tonight' and expect them to lump it. I work long hours and am often tired and it's perfectly normal to not want to do stuff when you are tired.

She also sounds over-tired, perhaps go and have a calm chat about it all- and say you don't feel like going out, but also want her to have the pizza, has she got any constructive suggestions? I'm pretty sure my girls wouldn't make me go out if I were tired, perhaps developing a little empathy would go a long way in this situation.

ElephantsNeverForgive Sat 28-Jun-14 17:29:48

I'd leave her. IME 10 yearolds throw worst strops than any other age of child. There is absolutely no point in trying to deal with them until they calm down.

At 13, DD2 is infinitely more reasonable than she was at 10 and I was truly horrible (I got the worst school report ever because I was disobedient and cheeky. Far far far worse than I was as a teen).

Being 10 and being in Y5 are both difficult, DCs get a sniff at independence and year sixes responsibilities, but can't quite have them.

Thenapoleonofcrime Sat 28-Jun-14 17:31:13

If she's just got back from a school trip, she probably got no sleep at all on the trip! Suggest the pizza-making for a day when she's less tired and hysterical.

D0oinMeCleanin Sat 28-Jun-14 17:34:41

I'm not too tired to go into town, I meant I'd likely lose my temper and inflame the situation even more, when I said I couldn't face reasoning with her.

She is probably still recovering from London. She didn't get home until after 9pm and needed supper, plus was v over excited and had photos etc to show. She also waited up for a while longer than needed to see if her dad would reply to her messages/pick up her calls and come to see her photos (he didn't sad ) and was then up early to come to work with me, which goes some way to explaining her behaviour.

She does cry often when she gets said no to but she doesn't normally howl and it usually only lasts a few minutes before she gives up.

She seems to be coming round now, dd2 went up to see her and offer her one of her toys to play with.

I'll leave it another 10 minutes and then suggest Tesco/alternatives and let dd2 pick what we should do.

WorraLiberty Sat 28-Jun-14 17:35:45

Blimey, she'd be getting nothing but beans on toast from me.

And no, I wouldn't leave her alone while she's in that sort of mood.

Thenapoleonofcrime Sat 28-Jun-14 17:36:47

Perhaps I am too soft, but I wouldn't come down hard on a 10 year old having a howl after a very exciting and tiring school trip- it's all -and the general hysteria of the thing. She'll be ok in a day or two.

WorraLiberty Sat 28-Jun-14 17:37:07

Ahh X post

Hopefully her sister can bring her out of her mood then

Thumbcat Sat 28-Jun-14 17:39:03

Yes leave her if you don't mind going out again. But only go out to get your younger daughter a replacement charger and a pizza. Don't pander to a 10 year old throwing a tantrum. Beans and bed for her.

JamJimJam Sat 28-Jun-14 17:41:20

I wouldn't leave a 10 year old.

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