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To renege on this offer

(81 Posts)
whatnowstupid Fri 27-Jun-14 12:55:54

Bought a property 8 years ago with ExP. He had limited funds so we bought as tenants in common 72% 28% with me having larger share. We are now splitting up, we have a dog. Because he kept banging on about would have to rent, couldn't share dog etc. I felt bad and offered to split our house sale proceeds 50/50. After a bit of "Oh no that's too generous", he accepted, found a flat and said he would be able to give me �10,000 back, then changed his mind at flat needs some work done. Since then he's still banging on about being hard done by, will I commit to having dog when he goes on holiday etc and generally making my life as miserable as he can (has very nasty streak). We are renting together until we both buyseperately (which was a mistake but seemed to make sense at the time. WIBU to change my mind. The amount I would be givng him is �73,000

iwantavuvezela Fri 27-Jun-14 12:58:10

Between his 10,000 and your 73,000 I would say there is room for wriggling, reneging and compromise.

bedraggledmumoftwo Fri 27-Jun-14 13:01:08

Did you formally commit to changing the percentages or is it just a verbal agreement?

whatnowstupid Fri 27-Jun-14 13:02:17

Just verbal

VodkaJelly Fri 27-Jun-14 13:05:13

Why on earth to you want to give him more than his 28% share. I am assuming at the time you put in the 72% so why are you wanting to give him more?

tell him to jog on and all he is getting back is his 28%. And dont give him a penny more,

MaidOfStars Fri 27-Jun-14 13:07:20

73k is 50%, therefore 100% is £146k.

His rightful share is £41000 (give or take). He is therefore £32k up on this verbal deal?????? And he's moaning?


lucidlady Fri 27-Jun-14 13:08:33

Renege. Why would you give him thousands more than he is entitled to?

whatnowstupid Fri 27-Jun-14 13:08:48

The thing is I do feel bad because he has now got a maximum mortgage and will be having the dog most of the time asI will have a long commute (just been made redundant but offered another job)

MaidOfStars Fri 27-Jun-14 13:09:53

I'm afraid that if he was willing to max out a mortgage based on nothing more than a verbal offer of a bit more cash from an ex-partner, he's an idiot!

VodkaJelly Fri 27-Jun-14 13:10:16

And whilst you feel guilty now and have offered now, I can guarantee that a couple of years down the line when the ex is being a shit to you, you will bitterly regret this. £32k is a lot of money. And it should go to you reducing your new mortgage not making his life easier.

ajandjjmum Fri 27-Jun-14 13:10:24

What would he do if the situation was reversed?

whatnowstupid Fri 27-Jun-14 13:10:26

No I'm giving him �73K MORE than his rightful share 50/50 is �166K each

MaidOfStars Fri 27-Jun-14 13:10:32

Serious question - how much would "maintenance" cost for the dog? How many more years might you expect to have to pay this?

MaidOfStars Fri 27-Jun-14 13:12:23

No I'm giving him £73K MORE than his rightful share 50/50 is £166K each

Because you feel bad about a dog? Not to minimise the family pet or owt, but you owe him nothing now. Pay pro rata for the dog. And take the rightful share in your house.

apermanentheadache Fri 27-Jun-14 13:12:27

You are effectively giving him �32,000 to look after a dog? That's madness. Renege.

How's he got a mortgage if he is skint? They are quite hard to obtain nowadays.

VodkaJelly Fri 27-Jun-14 13:12:28

I think I am about to faint. Please do not give him this extra money, it will pay a huge amount of your mortgage. You have not screwed him over, he is getting back what he put in. That is all.

TheresLotsOfFarmyardAnimals Fri 27-Jun-14 13:13:03

Has he paid 28% of the mortgage in that time? Or 50% of all bills/mortgage/household expenses?

You obviously don't have to take the latter into account but it would be very fair of you.

Don't be a fool though - 50/50 is too much.

whatnowstupid Fri 27-Jun-14 13:13:27

I'm not sure what he would do, I've thought about that. Made a comment when we bought the property that he would not leave his share to me as he didn't want my son to have it. Now feel that I am giving away my son's inheritance but it's hard we've been together 12 years altogether

MaidOfStars Fri 27-Jun-14 13:16:33

You're thinking about giving away the equivalent of your son's university education and a deposit for his first house. Does that make you see sense?

VodkaJelly Fri 27-Jun-14 13:17:16

Wow, for that nasty comment alone I would not give him a penny extra. No doubt he expected your % to be left to him. Not wanting your son to have his share!

whatnowstupid Fri 27-Jun-14 13:18:00

I don't have a mortgage and won't need one as I had a property to sell when we moved in together. He's not that skint as he has a job just no savings. I have always paid for most things. Just to confirm the legal position is he gets �92K and I get �237, I've offered we have �166 each. This is so hard, we were so in love

NotActuallyAMum Fri 27-Jun-14 13:18:37

Do not do this

You will probably regret it - I certainly do! And in my case I 'only' let him get away with £12,500. It was 10 years ago and I still kick myself almost every day

<gives self extra kick>

NotYouNaanBread Fri 27-Jun-14 13:18:41

You CANNOT give him 50%. It is wrong on every level. You ARE giving away your son's inheritance, and there is no way on earth he would do the same for you. Not after what he said about the will etc.

Renege on the deal and do not listen to a word he says in complaint. The idea that his moaning might make you just GIVE him 10's of thousands makes me feel ill. And move out.

The dog is a red herring and has nothing to do with the 72/28 v 50/50 thing.

QuintessentiallyQS Fri 27-Jun-14 13:19:42

How much has he been paying into the mortgage over the years?

50% or 28%? Or nothing?

NotActuallyAMum Fri 27-Jun-14 13:20:37

shock So you're seriously considering giving him £74k??!!


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