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mn jury . Whi is bu?

(92 Posts)
northandsouth4 Thu 26-Jun-14 18:58:06

Background. I am a sahm with a very energetic toddler (20 months) Normally I have to take him with me to doctors appointments etc. Sometimes he is ok but sometimes he is a nightmare. We also have 2 school aged dc.

So dh has a day off tomorrow. He is meeting his dad for lunch as it is his mum's anniversary. I really need to have an eye test. I tried to get one at the weekend when we were out without success. So I mentioned to dh that I would book a test for tomorrow. I booked it for early morning so it wouldn't impact on him going out for lunch with his dad.

So this evening he clearly had the hump with me and moaned that he would now not be able to get the things he wanted to do done as he would have to go out for lunch upon my return.

I said that surely he could do it after lunch but he wasn't happy with this as he would get caught in rush hour traffic.

Aibu to think he could be a bit more helpful as at least he does get a day off.

olaflikeswarmhugs Thu 26-Jun-14 18:59:30


Tweasels Thu 26-Jun-14 18:59:51

He is being a twat.

Happydaysatlast Thu 26-Jun-14 19:00:18

Well what does he want to get done?

northandsouth4 Thu 26-Jun-14 19:01:21


SquigglySquid Thu 26-Jun-14 19:01:24

Depends. Does he do 50/50 parenting when he's home? If he never helps you with the kids, then he is being unreasonable and take the kids for a few hours. If he does help out and does his fair share, I can see why he'd be upset that his plans now have a sudden kink in them.

ThePrisonerOfAzkaban Thu 26-Jun-14 19:05:17

It depends has he already sorted out a present or card? I don't think he is being that unreasonable

northandsouth4 Thu 26-Jun-14 19:07:08

He sadly doesn't parent 50/50 when home. He has probably changed changed 10 toddler nappies in 20 months. I can't remember him bathing any of the dc but tbf he does work long hours during the week. I think he considers weekends to be family leisure time but often that involves him playing ps games with older dc and leaving me to look after toddlers needs.
Ds is also quite clingy so I co sleep a and I still breastfeed. It is the only way to get through the next day.

Floralnomad Thu 26-Jun-14 19:07:53

Why don't all 3 of you go to the optician and then to lunch and then shopping - together as a family ?

FunkyBoldRibena Thu 26-Jun-14 19:09:49

When do you get your day off?

Spottybra Thu 26-Jun-14 19:11:54

Do you want the mumsnet reply of he is clearly BU and LTB? Just joking on the last one. It's his child too, tell him to set the iPad up with maths games (in RL the cbeebies website).

northandsouth4 Thu 26-Jun-14 19:11:57

Present or card for anniversary?
Sorry may not have explained. It is the anniversary of her death so he thinks his dad may be feeling fragile. A lovely gesture and a fitting thing to do.
He hadn't planned to meet his dad before lunch so I thought this would be the best solution.

hotfuzzra Thu 26-Jun-14 19:12:20

It is the anniversary of his mother's death?
What did he say initially when you told him you'd try and book it for tomorrow?
Could you have booked it for this coming weekend?

pictish Thu 26-Jun-14 19:13:30

Why can't he take toddler shopping with him?

northandsouth4 Thu 26-Jun-14 19:13:55

Optician is in a different town and he has pretty much said he wants the lunch to be just him, his brother and his dad.

northandsouth4 Thu 26-Jun-14 19:15:01

He didn't say it would be a problem. We are busy this weekend.

Allalonenow Thu 26-Jun-14 19:15:49


ThePrisonerOfAzkaban Thu 26-Jun-14 19:17:24

Well in that case he may be thinking that he himself may need a little space, it was his mum too.

pictish Thu 26-Jun-14 19:17:32

Sorry but I need to know...why can he not take your toddler shopping with him?

ThePrisonerOfAzkaban Thu 26-Jun-14 19:17:52

Well in that case he may be thinking that he himself may need a little space, it was his mum too.

LuisSuarezTeeth Thu 26-Jun-14 19:17:56

I think YABU. He booked the day off the the purpose of the anniversary.

What he does/doesn't do any other time is irrelevant.

He may be feeling fragile too.

LuisSuarezTeeth Thu 26-Jun-14 19:18:40

Sorry, for the purpose

hotfuzzra Thu 26-Jun-14 19:21:27

Personally I'd cut him some slack as if it was me and the death of my parents I'd be feeling a little fragile too (not just his Dad iyswim)
But I'd understand you feeling a bit hard done by too.

JenniferJo Thu 26-Jun-14 19:21:47

Another YABU from me, it's a sad day for him and he'd planned what he was going to do.

Happydaysatlast Thu 26-Jun-14 19:22:14

I have to say totally understand your point of view op but it's the anniversary of his moms death and can see he may need a quiet time by himself before meeting his brother and dad.

You could rebook the optician for a weekend so you can all go and then maybe all go to lunch.

I think of this were me I would give way to his wishes.

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