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To ask friend to smoke outside while we're over? I probably am

(33 Posts)
Fanfeckintastic Thu 26-Jun-14 09:52:12

My friend and I have both recently been made redundant and spending a lot more time together with our children and in each others homes when we'd have previously spent time out on more organised "play dates" etc. My friend is a smoker (I'm an ex smoker, no big deal) but claimed not to smoke in her house but within a few days it's gone from having a little smoke standing at the window which I said "suuure, no problem" to sitting in the sitting room puffing at least fifteen in the time we're there. Our children are pre schoolers and I feel sick this morning with all the smoke in my lungs, her son has a constant cough and it's totally put me off going to her house now but I realize it's her house!!
She would much prefer our company and to smoke outside than us not coming over but how do I broach the subject? It's her house after all and I'm not a nazi ex smoker, it honestly just makes me feel ill and my mother died of lung cancer from smoking and I hate myself and my DD (and her son if I'm honest) being exposed to smoke in a small space.

specialsubject Thu 26-Jun-14 11:57:00

koala puts it well - honest and polite indeed, without telling her what she can do in her own house.

But clearly she isn't that strapped for cash!!

Trooperslane Thu 26-Jun-14 11:58:29

I wouldn't have my kids in a room with someone who smoked one never mind 15.

Sorry op. I think you're going to have to bite the bullet. The fact that she's not doing something when her own dc is suffering speaks volumes.


TheBloodManCometh Thu 26-Jun-14 12:01:42

If she's strapped for cash how on earth is she affording to smoke over a packet of cigarettes a day?

Igggi Thu 26-Jun-14 13:12:06

She's hurting her own child and isn't bothered about that so I doubt she'll be too concerned about the effect it might have on yours.
I know it's not easy to stop smoking but it's fecking easy to go out of the house to smoke or even hang out a window to do it. If she can smoke 15 in a visit she can't be doing much with her dc either.

Gruntfuttock Thu 26-Jun-14 13:19:19

TheBloodManCometh "If she's strapped for cash how on earth is she affording to smoke over a packet of cigarettes a day?"

Surely she's strapped for cash because she smokes over a packet of cigarettes a day. Skewed priorities, not least regarding the health of her own child and of visitors. I feel very sorry for her son and I certainly wouldn't subject my children or myself to secondary smoking at her house.

VitoCorleone Thu 26-Jun-14 13:35:32

Does she know your mother died from lung cancer?

Fanfeckintastic Thu 26-Jun-14 17:31:04

Job done and it was extremely well received! She just said she shouldn't be smoking inside anyway so we've all been going out together or just her and she's smoking much less because of it.

Thanks so much everyone!!

MyFairyKing Thu 26-Jun-14 17:37:49

Glad it went well. smile I don't get the people who say "my house, my rules", surely it's polite not to make your guests feel afraid or uncomfortable? Hence why I leave my dog to play in the garden if we have guests who are afraid of dogs.

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