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To think it’s insensitive for slim people to talk about how fat they are around fat people?

(130 Posts)
treesandbirdsandbees Tue 24-Jun-14 21:14:21

Today at work a group of women were talking about how they’re all starting a diet because they are all ‘getting so fat and disgusting’ and how they can’t possibly get any bigger because they’d be embarrassed to leave the house and one of them who is single was saying she’d never meet a man if she was any bigger because no men ‘would ever find a fattie attractive’.

None of them are over a size 10

I am overweight. I am trying to lose it and it is gradually reducing but slowly and I know it’s my problem and other people shouldn’t moderate their conversation because of it but am I being unreasonable to think it’s insensitive to go on about it so much and make such offensive comments around people who really are overweight?

I don’t think it was aimed at me or that they were trying to be nasty but it made me feel uncomfortable as if that’s what they think of people who are overweight then it must be what they think of me.

HilariousInHindsight Tue 24-Jun-14 21:41:38

Yanbu in the sense that these women are saying fat people are not attractive and no man wants a fat woman.

Yabu to tell someone what they can think about themself and what they want to talk about to their peers.

In their eyes they may see themselves as fat - body dysmorphia of all types is fairly common.

My sisters bmi is 18.5 and she thinks she's fat but has always felt this way even when her bmi was 16.

I'd leave the room or tell them it's upsetting you if you get on well .

I'm overweight too - good luck with losing weight .

WorraLiberty Tue 24-Jun-14 21:53:30

In their eyes they may see themselves as fat - body dysmorphia of all types is fairly common.

Or they may actually be fat.

I'm a size 10 and sometimes I need to lose weight because my belly gets fat

I have no body dysmorphia issues though.

MyFairyKing Tue 24-Jun-14 21:55:07

All diet/weight talk is boring and makes me want to stick pins in my eyes.

HappyYoni Tue 24-Jun-14 21:58:22

YANBU winds me up a treat when people who are clearly the thinnest people in the room start banging on about hoe fat they are. It's like when the youngest person in the room starts saying "oh I'm soooo old I'm about to turn thirty" when everyone else is in their forties. It's insensitive and rude.
Of course everyone has their own body hang ups and can diet, dye their hair etc to their hearts content, but have a look around you before you start shouting about it.
I am overweight and will talk about it, but when I'm with people who are bigger than me I will bite my tongue because although I'm fat I'm still quite obviously thinner than them.

AnyoneForTennis Tue 24-Jun-14 22:00:09

What's being a size 10 got to do with it?

Frogisatwat Tue 24-Jun-14 22:04:42

I am very thin. I am 5'10" and weigh between 9.8 - 10 stone. I haven't been to the gym for months and I can feel my stomach 'flopping' over my jeans. I know I am thin. I just don't feel comfortable.
I would never be rude about someone else body shape. But just because I am perceived as skinnyvit doesn't mean I have no right to be unhappy about my body.
fwiw diet talk bores the shit out of me.

JohnFarleysRuskin Tue 24-Jun-14 22:11:26

Of course, slim people can be/are uncomfortable with their size or shape. But you'd have to be a special kind of nasty to go on about how fat you are - in a negative way- in front of fatter people.

It's just common courtesy.

ChelsyHandy Tue 24-Jun-14 22:17:07

YABU you cannot censor other people's conversations because you don't like what you hear.

If your jeans feel tight, you might feel you are putting on weight no matter what clothes size you are.

WorraLiberty Tue 24-Jun-14 22:18:16

Of course, slim people can be/are uncomfortable with their size or shape. But you'd have to be a special kind of nasty to go on about how fat you are - in a negative way- in front of fatter people.

I disagree that it's nasty

The OP's weight is only important to her

I seriously doubt it even registers on the minds of her work colleagues

shaska Tue 24-Jun-14 22:21:59

Bit thoughtless of them, and a bit annoying for you, but no more than many other thoughtless/annoying moments throughout the average day, I'd have thought. The way I'd think of it is that if they ARE all super slim already then I feel quite sorry for them, obsessing over weight when they don't really need to, and worrying that they have to stay super skinny in order to lure some gent in.

Also does seem to be a 'thing', for some people, even when pretty trim they love to talk about how 'fat' they are, presumably so others say 'oh but you don't need to lose an ounce!'. So it might've been a bit of that, as well.

IndiansInTheLobby Tue 24-Jun-14 22:22:07

I once upset an overweight friend by talking with another friend about wanting to lose weight. I was really upset that I'd upset her but at the same time suffered with terribly low self esteem at the time and genuinely felt I was overweight.

WorraLiberty Tue 24-Jun-14 22:24:24

shaska, the OP didn't say they are all super slim

She said none of them are over a size 10

defineme Tue 24-Jun-14 22:34:52

I have 2 friends that are size 8-one of whom is only just over 5ft so not ridiculously thin.
even when my bmi was obese I never felt bad if tbey talked about needing to lose a few pounds-if you cant fit in your clothes it's upsetting whatever size you are and why should they shut up around me?
However, saying no man would fancy a fatty is just grim-hopefully only men as shallow as the person who said that would think like that.

InterestedIgnoramus Tue 24-Jun-14 22:43:20

OP, I get the impression that your main worry is that if these slim women think they are disgusting, they must think even worse of you -- is that right?

I am, I suppose, conventionally slim, and I look in the mirror and just want to change everything about myself. The kind of things I think about myself are not things that I would ever think of another person. I don't know if that makes any sense but as some people have said upthread, when people think or say negative things about their own appearance, they are expressing their issues with their bodies. I'd never hold anyone to the harsh standards I hold myself to, because they aren't fair, and I can extend affection and understanding to everyone but myself.

So, YANBU to feel upset, but it might help to bear in mind that these women were probably expressing anxieties that they would only have about their own bodies, IYSWIM.

WorraLiberty Tue 24-Jun-14 22:46:49

I agree Interested

The OP's weight is only an issue for her. I'm quite sure no-one else even things about it because why would they?

GreenPetal94 Tue 24-Jun-14 22:48:54

I find this kind of talk annoying. I'm a size 16-18 and need to lose some weight, but I used to be a lot bigger. But people going on and on when they are just a few pounds over annoys me and I do find it insensitive.

HomeIsWhereTheGinIs Tue 24-Jun-14 22:49:55

Oh please. You cannot legislate to make people look around before every comment they make. Slippery slope from there to total silence because you want to curse all hamsters and didn't realise that you were hurting the feelings of the hamster owner sitting behind you etcetc

lifehasafunnywayofhelpinguout Tue 24-Jun-14 22:51:40

I just switch off when women go on about diets and how fat they are, when they are about a size 8. They're just fishing for compliaments, well sorry but I'D don't throw boquets at anyone. Certainly not posing bitches, who know quite well they have lovely figures.
I feel better for that rant xx

AnyoneForTennis Tue 24-Jun-14 22:51:52

A few pounds 'over' can be a whole dress size tho.... Why should it annoy you? Their weight problem is still very valid

BoyFromTheBigBadCity Tue 24-Jun-14 22:52:17

I think they made some hideous insensitive comments, but you can be 'thin' (a word j hate being used to describe me, it's nearly as bad as skinny) and have issues with your body. I'm a size 6-10 depending on the shop, and I hate my body, I have a flabby tummy and look chubby. However, I am never, ever allowed to voice these opinions, or share my insecurity to try and get some support, as I just get told to stop being ridiculous, or people think I'm compliment fishing, or I worry I'm being insensitive. I cry myself to sleep every so often about my weight, it has no reflection on anyone else at all.

AnyoneForTennis Tue 24-Jun-14 22:52:47

'Posing bitches' ?? Aren't you delightful?! hmm

cremedecacao Tue 24-Jun-14 22:55:58

Can understand how it would make you feel and they should NOT have been using language such as 'fatties' ...but yabu if you are expecting them to not have that discussion at all.

I am slim but am eating healthily to loose a few lbs for the summer. This is my choice. I was a fat child and I don't want to be fat again. I had snidey comments from a larger person at work when they overheard me talking about my 'get fit for summer' plan with someone else. I presume they felt the way you did.
What i WANTED to say to HER was 'I am skinny because I choose to be, I work hard to keep in shape and I look better that way. If you have a problem with your own body shape, deal with it and stop bothering about what everyone else does!"

I didn't, as that would probably have been vu... ;)

Everyones weight is personal and people are bothered about their weight to varying degrees.

Rainbunny Tue 24-Jun-14 23:00:59

They sound like complete idiots (and I'm sure their vapid personalities will be the thing that scares potential partners away, not their size.)

That said, if we are to be truly accepting of people's different sizes we shouldn't judge others if they are trying to lose weight whatever size they are. I am pretty slim but I have put on a solid 6-7lbs over the last winter that I cannot shift. I'm trying to diet though because it was enough to push me up a clothes size and frankly I can't afford a new wardrobe. I hate spilling out of my clothes and I especially hate how big my boobs have gotten (they were too big to start with). It does irritate me when friends notice I'm dieting and give me a hard time about though. I don't moan about needing to lose weight though, I can't imagine anything more boring to listen to.

fatedtopretend Tue 24-Jun-14 23:02:55

What the fuck? This thread cannot be serious?! Weight is a personal thing.

This is as bad as a real men love curves campaign hmm

ChelsyHandy Tue 24-Jun-14 23:05:42

What if they were talking about their half marathon times, long distance cycling trips at the weekend OP or just their general levels of fitness? Would that be censored by you as well?

What if they were talking about healthy eating and describing eating salad instead of fattening food for lunch?

Perhaps they felt ok talking about their weight in front of you because they don't see you as a fat person but as someone who shares their goals?

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