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To think it’s insensitive for slim people to talk about how fat they are around fat people?

(130 Posts)
treesandbirdsandbees Tue 24-Jun-14 21:14:21

Today at work a group of women were talking about how they’re all starting a diet because they are all ‘getting so fat and disgusting’ and how they can’t possibly get any bigger because they’d be embarrassed to leave the house and one of them who is single was saying she’d never meet a man if she was any bigger because no men ‘would ever find a fattie attractive’.

None of them are over a size 10

I am overweight. I am trying to lose it and it is gradually reducing but slowly and I know it’s my problem and other people shouldn’t moderate their conversation because of it but am I being unreasonable to think it’s insensitive to go on about it so much and make such offensive comments around people who really are overweight?

I don’t think it was aimed at me or that they were trying to be nasty but it made me feel uncomfortable as if that’s what they think of people who are overweight then it must be what they think of me.

WashingFanatic Tue 24-Jun-14 21:17:14

YANBU in that their conversation was rude and thoughtless.

FromPenToPaper Tue 24-Jun-14 21:17:36

It's not much insensitive as it is stupid. I would have just laughed internally at their shallowness. If they opened their eyes (and minds) they would see plenty of "fatties" who have partners.

WorraLiberty Tue 24-Jun-14 21:17:56

Sorry but they are entitled to want to lose weight no matter what size they are and what size you are.

If she really did say 'No men would ever find a fattie attractive', then that isn't nice at all.

But as for the rest of it, well I'm afraid people over a size 10 don't get the monopoly on diet talk.

It's a subject that's as boring as hell to many people anyway.

splendide Tue 24-Jun-14 21:19:18

Yes it's insensitive and boring. Likewise when people with plenty of money go on about being broke.

JohnFarleysRuskin Tue 24-Jun-14 21:19:21

I agree op.

BIWI Tue 24-Jun-14 21:21:23

So if they wanted to lose, say, half a stone but you want to lose, say, 3 stone, are they are less entitled to talk about it?

I think the issue here is yours. They have just as much right to be concerned about their weight as you.

Put it this way, if you lost 2.5 stones of that hypothetical 3 stones, would you stop there or would you want to carry on and lose the last half stone? That's all they're doing.

Having said that, their comments about fat people were unnecessary and clearly insensitive. Although it does give you an idea about how a lot of people do just those are overweight sad

CoffeeTea103 Tue 24-Jun-14 21:22:58

Well they are entitled to their opinion. Someone will always be offended won't they. As you say it wasn't directed at you, why can't people have a conversation without someone taking it personally.

magpiegin Tue 24-Jun-14 21:23:22

It's a tough one because weight loss is so personal to each individual. When I get over about 10 stone it feel huge and in my eyes I look dreadful and everyone looks better in their clothes then me, whether they are 7 or 17 stone. What they said was insensitive but i imagine they didn't even consider it would upset you or that you are concerned about your weight.

WashingFanatic Tue 24-Jun-14 21:24:11

Agree with Worra too. I'm a size 12 and trying to lose weight. My sister is a size 22 and is constantly making snide remarks about me trying to lose weight. I don't go on about it...but if I so much a refuse a biscuit she'll go into reams about how i' m ridiculous for watching my weight/diet, i'm so skinny I really shouldn't be etc etc. It's very irritating.

Pepsiaddict Tue 24-Jun-14 21:24:46

Yes, it is insensitive. On the other hand I really struggle if I put weight on - it's uncomfortable and I can feel the strain in my joints so yes you can feel fat at less than a size 10. I put a lot of effort into losing the baby weight as my pelvis was so sore - it wasn't easy. however, I got sarcastic and downright nasty comments about being a size 6/8 3 months post-partum so you can't win either way!

Helpys Tue 24-Jun-14 21:24:48

All diet talk is pretty boring tbh. But this was horribly insensitive.

specialsubject Tue 24-Jun-14 21:25:42

none of them are worth bothering about because they are clearly either stupid, bitchy or both.

unfortunately you don't get to choose colleagues and it sounds like you work in airhead central. live for 5pm.

MysweetAudrina Tue 24-Jun-14 21:26:23

People talk like that all the time. Fat is relative. I can remember joining ww when I weighed 10 St 4 lb. I would love to be that fat now.

noneofyours Tue 24-Jun-14 21:26:42

OP, regardless of size everyone can have their own body issues, YANBU to feel upset by it though. I have a friend whose the same and she's worse around her work mates because when one of them starts, they all start and it kicks off her body worry and makes her join in. She wouldn't use disgusting or say she'd be embarrassed to leave the house but she would say how fat she felt and how she needed to get down the gym- then she'd go and punish herself. I did used to feel uncomfortable when she said a lot about being fat when she was smaller then me but then I realised that was my issue because I felt like she was saying how fat I was in comparison. She wasn't, she had her own issues.

I've noticed when one person starts then, regardless of size, it tends to set a lot of other people off. Last time I went for a meal, one person said how they'd been saving themselves all day for it so they could splurge and treat and that was it! Everyone started to justify, then it got on to feeling frumpy, then it got on to gym. I'm a bit overweight like several of them and I think i was meant to justify but I just shrugged and said i loved my food and was a greedy fucker.

Never seen any of my male friends do it, only the female and it's almost all of them.

trappedinsuburbia Tue 24-Jun-14 21:26:54

Just thoughtless, ive got a stone to lose and internally obsess about it, im old enough to know to shut up about it though as most of my friends are much heavier and its also pretty boring conversation.

softlysoftly Tue 24-Jun-14 21:27:08

Well they can go on about feeling fat/losing weight etc so in that YABU

What they were saying was horrible and fat bashing though so in that YANBU

maddening Tue 24-Jun-14 21:27:57

To sit in an office saying insulting things about a trait that someone in the room has is rude and antisocial and thoughtless at best.

EmpireBiscuit Tue 24-Jun-14 21:29:11

I am apparently bad for this but suffer from body dis morphia, so don't know where I compare to others. I would never intentionally upset anyone.

RollingGreenMarble Tue 24-Jun-14 21:29:36

People talk about my weight all the time as a slim or 'skinny' person. It seems to be that I am fair game. So now I will say anything about my weight at all.

treesandbirdsandbees Tue 24-Jun-14 21:31:32

I didn't mean they shouldn't be saying they wanted to lose weight because they were slim, just that the comments they made about how big they were and how being any bigger would be disgusting that made me uncomfortable

maddening Tue 24-Jun-14 21:32:21

Ps talking about diets (whilst boring and tedious to have to hear) is fine, so is saying you want to lose weight whatever weight you are but to say fat people are disgusting, impossible to find attractive, should be embarrassed to leave the house etc is not

It also wouldn't be acceptable to say nasty things about very thin people if a very thin person was there - surely this is just basic manners.

CoffeeTea103 Tue 24-Jun-14 21:33:44

Op as someone else pointed out this is not about you. 'They' said 'they' feel disgusted with themselves, not that you are disgusting. If that is what they want to think then it's about them. Separate the two and you won't have an issue.

WorraLiberty Tue 24-Jun-14 21:35:53

just that the comments they made about how big they were and how being any bigger would be disgusting that made me uncomfortable

But they're telling the truth in so much as the fact they would feel disgusting. They're talking about their own bodies...not yours.

There have been a few threads like this in the past where the OP has said, "If that's what they think about them getting fat, what on earth do they think about me?"

The truth is, there's every likelihood that they don't think anything about your weight at all...they're only interested in their own.

I dye my hair because I think having big grey roots, makes me look awful.

I don't dislike grey hair on other people smile

GuybrushThreepwoodMP Tue 24-Jun-14 21:36:52

I think you are being oversensitive. And perhaps they were being insensitive. But would you really want them to avoid talking about any food / diet issues whenever you're around? Wouldn't that be worse? Like they would assume you would get upset?
Maybe they haven't noticed any difference between you and them so didn't think you'd be bothered. I'm a size 12 and talked about trying to lose half a stone with my colleagues today. Now I've read your post, it has occurred to be that they are a bit bigger than me- probably a 14-16. I genuinely hadn't noticed until just now.

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