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to be upset by this comment from my best friend?

(73 Posts)
jojomo Tue 24-Jun-14 13:25:40

At a dinner last weekend with some friends and family including my brother and sil (who is also my best friend) we were discussing a friend who had recently had to re-home a much loved dog. I said, 'imagine having to give up one of your kids' and sil said, 'well, of course you'd give up ds2'. I let it pass at the time as I didn't want to spoil the night but am quite hurt actually to know that's how she feels about my ds2 is hard work (he's tantrummy and 3 basically) but of course I love him. I don't have a preference between my children but clearly she does and now I know it! The question is do I just let this go for the sake of family harmony or do I say something to her as I can't seem to get it out of my head? She's phoning tonight...!

Whereisegg Tue 24-Jun-14 13:27:03

Was it not a joke?

CundtBake Tue 24-Jun-14 13:28:06

What a horrible thing to say. I'd be upset too but don't know if I'd mention it now if I didn't say anything at the time. If you have that kind of relationship with her that you'd feel comfortable bringing it up now then fine.

KirjavaTheCat Tue 24-Jun-14 13:28:40

Ouch, that must have stung. But are you sure she didn't mean it in a jokey, 'kids eh?' sort of way?

Ill-judged though, you never talk badly of someone's child, tis never your place to make fun.

kennyp Tue 24-Jun-14 13:29:05

what an odd thing to say. and upsetting too. and not remotely funny.

i'd wait until the time's right, and you're a bit less pissed off with it?, to make some witty retort about how rude she was. (i can't think of any witty/pithy/intelligent retorts though). it's not even funny.

sanfairyanne Tue 24-Jun-14 13:29:06

why did it upset you?

jojomo Tue 24-Jun-14 13:29:45

I suppose it could have been...I guess that's what she'll say if I bring it up. Perhaps I'm being over-sensitive. It didn't feel like a joke to me.

chockbic Tue 24-Jun-14 13:29:54

I would think that was a joke.

Unless you see it as a dig?

odyssey2001 Tue 24-Jun-14 13:30:03

YABU. I think you are taking a flippant remark to heart. Move on and don't bring it up.

However, if she takes another pot shot at ds2 then challenge her on it.

diddl Tue 24-Jun-14 13:30:04

How do you get from that that she has a preference?

I would assume that it was an ill thought out "joke" that you'd rehome your in your own words "hard work" child.

Kerryp Tue 24-Jun-14 13:30:32

I would just tell your friend it upset you, if she's such a good friend you can talk it out. I'm sure it was just an attempt at humour however not funny it was.

Andrewofgg Tue 24-Jun-14 13:30:36

You've left it too late. Let it go.

chockbic Tue 24-Jun-14 13:30:38

Maybe she knows you struggle and said it because of that?

TheIronGnome Tue 24-Jun-14 13:31:09

A usual response to that would have been 'god, yes I would at the moment!! I'd ask for him back once he's finished being 3!!' Or something like that- a bit jokey!

Do you think she accidently hit a bit of a nerve?

Xcountry Tue 24-Jun-14 13:31:20

I think it was a joke, Its the sort of thing I can imagine people saying about my number 4 who is also a handful

LadyNexus Tue 24-Jun-14 13:31:35

It depends.

Do you complain to sil about ds2?

If so I would have taken it as a joke.

jojomo Tue 24-Jun-14 13:33:17

It hurt because I assumed she loved my children equally as I do - she is their auntie after all. I love hers.

diddl Tue 24-Jun-14 13:33:42

I agree that if you have ever complained about ds2 then it's a follow from that.

chockbic Tue 24-Jun-14 13:34:38

Best to say something to her or these things can fester between you.

MaxPepsi Tue 24-Jun-14 13:35:11

Had he just been particularly hard work - or do you mention on a regular basis to her what hard work he is?

It sounds like a joke that's gone wrong.

I have a friend whose child I unfortunately just don't like, I therefore am VERY careful about what I say about the child!

diddl Tue 24-Jun-14 13:35:28

She probably does love them equally.

My daughter has always obviously been harder work than my son.

FellReturneth Tue 24-Jun-14 13:36:28

I understand why you feel sensitive about this, but if she has regularly heard you jokingly say things along the lines of 'he's a nightmare - why me? Anyone want him? Free to a good home' etc etc, then she probably just made a spur of the moment quip and thought it harmless and a bit of fun.

SirChenjin Tue 24-Jun-14 13:36:41

If you've complained about him before then I would take it that she meant it as a joke, nothing more

Beeyump Tue 24-Jun-14 13:37:10

She didn't announce that she didn't love him, she just made a silly remark/joke I think.

jojomo Tue 24-Jun-14 13:37:44

Like I say, he is hard work. I have two boys, they are competitive with each other - DS2 has just turned 3, he is tantrummy and determined to be heard over his big brother. SIL has two girls who seem to adore each other and theirs is a more peaceful house than ours! I suppose I do complain when we are talking but doesn't everyone? I just wouldn't distinguish between children that way.

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