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To think this "new thing" he does is just a new mind game he's discoved?

(43 Posts)
ShitShaveOrHaircut Tue 24-Jun-14 13:22:44

History between me and DP is rocky to say the least. He's sarcastic, verbally abusive and has been known to play mind games.

We've been getting on well these past few months but this past couple of weeks he's been a bit off with me. Avoiding me (messing around 'doing things' in an evening rather than sitting with me like he used to). Not talking much. Rare sex (and lack of foreplay which again is unusual).

Now - A few days ago I said to him "was that boat race on today?". He just carried on messing on the ipad and didn't reply. I said "DP?" ... no reply. I nudged him, he said "umm?" lazily. It was obvious he'd heard me. I said "the boat race in town, was it on today?" - after an odd delay he said "yeah, think so." confused I said "did you not fancy it?" (he usually goes) and he ignored me. I asked again - silence (he's sitting right next to me btw!) I snapped "why are you ignoring me???" and he replied "I'm not, no was too busy for the boat race, didn't fancy it."

So that was the first example. He's done it a few times since. It's deliberate. And it's obvious. Now that I've shown it riles me, he'll do it more. It's a new thing for sure, he NEVER done it before the example above. AIBU to think he's discovered a new game to play?

TalisaMaegyr Tue 24-Jun-14 13:23:55

What are you putting up with that shit for? confused

Pennastucky Tue 24-Jun-14 13:24:23

Why are you with a sarcastic, verbally abusive, mind-game playing man? Isnt that the real question?

spottydolphin Tue 24-Jun-14 13:26:04

well, my immediate thought would be that he was engrossed in what he was doing and just not paying attention. I've done that before and I'm sure it irritates dp no end!

but in context with the other things you';ve said, i would echo talisa... why are you even with him?

steff13 Tue 24-Jun-14 13:26:25

What are you putting up with that shit for?

This. He sounds like a giant douchbag. LTB.

diddl Tue 24-Jun-14 13:26:51

Avoiding you &rare sex sounds like a blessing.

What an ignorant ....

Jayne35 Tue 24-Jun-14 13:27:16

Maybe he's distracted? If I am reading something on the Ipad I don't hear what people say to me.

My xh was exactly as you describe, I had to ask 2 or 3 times to get a response, but he was always like that - the whole of our relationship, hence why he is now xh.

Point it out, tell him it's bloody rude and maybe he will stop.

ouryve Tue 24-Jun-14 13:27:24

He can only play games with you if you stick around so he can do it. "We've been getting on well" means he hasn't been such a nasty piece of work during that period.

You are worth more than this.

ShitShaveOrHaircut Tue 24-Jun-14 13:27:32

Because we were doing ok, he'd toned it all right down and we'd been getting on great. But I fear this is a new "subtle" attack. Wanted to make sure I wasn't being paranoid.

TheIronGnome Tue 24-Jun-14 13:28:16

You are aware of all his neagtive personality traits and still looking for advice?? The only thing you'll hear is LTB. Real men don't behave like that.

PrincessBabyCat Tue 24-Jun-14 13:28:35

He's abusive and plays games, and your biggest concern is him ignoring you for the ipad? I'd leave him. He can play games with himself on his own time, not yours.

Pennastucky Tue 24-Jun-14 13:28:57

How long have you been together? How much of that time has he been an arsehole and how much time has he 'toned it down' for?

5Foot5 Tue 24-Jun-14 13:29:53

Now that I've shown it riles me, he'll do it more

Well don't let him get the satisfaction. It will only be fun for him to play that game if he can see he is annoying you. Talk to him as normal but if he ignores you once then let it go as if you hadn't noticed, don't persist. Don't show any sign of annoyance. just ignore it and spoil his fun!.

Oh and messing around 'doing things' in an evening rather than sitting with me like he used to. Find something that you can 'do' to entertain yourself so that it looks like you don't give a stuff whether he is sitting with you or not, you can create your own good time whether he is there or not.

ShitShaveOrHaircut Tue 24-Jun-14 13:30:50

no I know when someone is genuinely distracted. He was messing on the ipad. I'm sat right next to him. I say something, he completely blanks me, I ask again - he looks up from the ipad, looks at the TV, goes back to the ipad - that isn't the actions of someone engrossed. Trust me it was OBVIOUS he had heard me, I could tell by his body language and his facial expression. He even looked like he was on teh verge of replying to me but changed his mind and like I say, it's TOTALLY NEW behavior - if he'd always been like it, that would be different but a person doesn't develop this habit overnight.

PrincessBabyCat Tue 24-Jun-14 13:31:38

Because we were doing ok, he'd toned it all right down and we'd been getting on great. But I fear this is a new "subtle" attack. Wanted to make sure I wasn't being paranoid.

If he was a good person, you would not feel this way and always be on edge.

I have adhd and I constantly tune out the world around me until sometimes it take DH physically tapping my shoulder or pulling the computer chair back to get my attention. It's not personal, and I obviously don't play games with him. But the point is, if it was a personality quirk, you wouldn't be worrying about it because he would be making up for it in other ways.

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit Tue 24-Jun-14 13:34:25

He sounds like a catch.

KirjavaTheCat Tue 24-Jun-14 13:35:03

Treating you mean to keep you keen.

He sounds like a wanker.

Burren Tue 24-Jun-14 13:35:06

I'm puzzled as to why you're so focused on this specific thing being a new behaviour, OP. There doesn't sound as if there is very much benefit to you in this relationship in general, if the best you can say is that recently he's toned down a bit on the verbal abuse. You sound tense, as if you no longer trust yourself to know what normal behaviour is, and as if you are just waiting for him to kick off again.

ghostisonthecanvas Tue 24-Jun-14 13:35:59

Because we were doing ok, he'd toned it all right down and we were doing great

Does that mean you were behaving the way he wanted you to? Sounds like he is rewarding you for behaving for him.

MangoBiscuit Tue 24-Jun-14 13:37:11

"He's sarcastic, verbally abusive and has been known to play mind games. "

Sorry OP but it doesn't sound like totally new behaviour, just a new side to old behaviour. I would say that you are not paranoid, that your DP is being a shit, and has no intention of giving up the mind games. I would LTB, sorry.

wyrdyBird Tue 24-Jun-14 13:39:14

I think if you have to say things are going really well at the moment, or an equivalent, you have a problem.

ShitShaveOrHaircut Tue 24-Jun-14 13:39:38

I've been feeling for quite some time (well, past 2 or 3 weeks) that he's delibrately avoiding me. This weekend for example - I was down to work a 13 hour day Saturday and Sunday, 7am until 8pm meaning I wouldn't really see him all weekend. Friday night, we're sat with a bottle of wine but no, he decides he's "busy" and goes off faffing in the garden. He later accusses me of putting time limits on his activities because I asked if he'd been sitting down with me at any point tonight. Saturday night I get in from a long shift and he's set the kids up watching a movie in the living room (knowing full well it would still be on when I got home) and then fannys about taking ages making dinner - at 8.30pm at night. He'd had all day.

Sunday night, I get in. Sit in the living room, he busies himself on his computer. Yeah, nice to see you this weekend too, honey.

So this new thing of ignoring me for no good reason is just an extention of it really, subtle enough to ensure I can't kick off about it, obvious enough for me to feel it.

weatherall Tue 24-Jun-14 13:39:44

It's emotional abuse.


BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Tue 24-Jun-14 13:40:02

The very fact that you're being vigilant and wondering whether this is a new tactic should tell you everything you need to know. Pay bloody attention!

LumpySpacedPrincess Tue 24-Jun-14 13:41:16

Do you have kids together?

He obviously has very little respect or you.

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