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Settle an, erm, 'disagreement' for DP and I, please

(18 Posts)
Sunflower49 Tue 24-Jun-14 00:03:54

We have been bickering about whether, if a person was living with a friend for free, for example if they were taking time out, or waiting for their house to be ready,whether that person has rights to privacy.

It came up in conversation after a friend of his had moaned to him that, the person they've been staying with-had gone in the wardrobe in their room and commented on something they'd found there. Friend went mad, and DP is saying that they cannot warrant being SO mad, they're living there for free, after all.

It isn't a very serious disagreement. Just wondered what the general consensus is, here.

Lucked Tue 24-Jun-14 00:10:12

It depends, none of my rooms, including the guest room are entirely empty. It doubles as study and extra clothes storage. If I had a friend staying and needed something I would ask if they were home but if not I would just go and get it. I wouldn't snoop in there if I didn't need to be in the room . I would not look through their stuff.

CundtBake Tue 24-Jun-14 00:11:37

Depends on the set up really. If there were other things in the wardrobe that bel

CundtBake Tue 24-Jun-14 00:12:14

Posted too soon.

That belonged to them then fair enough.

If not then that's a bit weird and I wouldn't be happy. I'm a pretty private person.

Did they find something exciting?!

WooWooOwl Tue 24-Jun-14 00:13:08

That person is entitled to privacy, in that they shouldn't expect to be walked in on while their are using the bathroom, and their shouldn't expect their suitcase or whatever to be looked through.

But if you're staying in someone's house and you don't want them to see your stuff, don't leave it in their wardrobe, keep it in your bag as that's the only real personal space you have.

Sunflower49 Tue 24-Jun-14 00:23:23

Thanks all. It's a totally empty room, never used aside from when people stay.
No nothing exiting lol-a bottle of wine in a presentation box that they'd stashed as a present for a birthday. The person they were staying with said something like 'You don;t have to hide your wine, y'know!I won't drink it if you keep it out in the kitchen!'...

Sunflower49 Tue 24-Jun-14 00:25:56


CottonbudCatastrophe Tue 24-Jun-14 00:30:17

Maybe the host was cleaning the room & found it by a genuine accident? <clutches at straws a bit>

I think, TBH, if you're staying rent free with someone for morw than a night or two, then you should accept their house rules - bathroom privacy is obviously a given, as are personal bags & cases. Did they ask how come the host had found the wine?

CottonbudCatastrophe Tue 24-Jun-14 00:31:11

That should say "more than".

Sunflower49 Tue 24-Jun-14 00:34:54

They were looking for something they'd lost,apparently. I feel dubious about this, seeing as DP is pretty sure that the room was totally empty before this person stayed.

PrincessBabyCat Tue 24-Jun-14 03:26:31

It depends. If the dresser was empty and they were snooping, they're definitely in the wrong. But if stuff was in the dresser in the first place and they're looking for something, they should have asked first since they knew the guest was using the dresser.

I've had friends stay at our place for a bit, and it never would have occurred to me to go through their belongings unless they were smuggling chocolate.

SelectASweetBreadTwist Tue 24-Jun-14 03:36:44

Our spare room has a wardrobe with some of my clothes inside. When we have people to stay, I move out any clothing I think I'll need during their visit beforehand. If I need something from it while they're here, I ask if they mind if I pop in to get it or if they could pass it out to me. While they're staying, their room is to all intents and purposes their room, not mine. It wouldn't occur to me to snoop through their stuff and even if I did notice something unusual while in there collecting a needed item, I wouldn't comment on it.

KarlWrenbury Tue 24-Jun-14 03:39:19

"Dp and me"

MexicanSpringtime Tue 24-Jun-14 04:06:36

I suppose if you are staying as a guest, you just have to suck it up, but I would still be upset and as a host, I would never dream of doing that.

SelectASweetBreadTwist Tue 24-Jun-14 07:12:40

That's a really useful contribution, KarlWrenbury hmm

Me624 Tue 24-Jun-14 07:28:09

DH and I recently stayed at PIL's for two weeks when we were in between houses. I had never stayed overnight with them before (local to us so there had never been a need to) and I was shocked that they came in our room. We were both out at work all day and we'd get home to find shoes that had been left on the floor in our bedroom tidied into the wardrobe, things moved, bed remade if DH or I had done it in a bit of a hurry that morning! I think MIL probably just thought she was being helpful but I thought it was an invasion of our (my) privacy. Did not say anything though as it was only two weeks and they were doing us a big favour.

KarlWrenbury Tue 24-Jun-14 07:35:49

one step at a time wink

Sunflower49 Wed 25-Jun-14 13:36:36

Karl explain please?(Or I'll NEVER learn) wink

Select yes I think their host was daft for commenting on what he'd found!
I wouldn't do it either, Mexican and if I had to for some reason I would ask..

me624 I think I would feel, and behave , the exact same way as you in that situation.

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