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To think my friend could have told me she was leaving?

(16 Posts)
LaurenLullaby Mon 23-Jun-14 15:18:30

I have a good friend who I used to see at least once a week and have known her for 8 years. I moved about a 45 minute drive from her, got a new job and then I also got a new partner 2 months ago so I definitely see her less. In fact since I've been with my partner we have not met up - neither of us have text to meet up.

Even during group meet ups she hasn't come to any recently.

I found out today that she is moving abroad for her job for a couple of months and never told me. She just upped and left.

Aibu to feel hurt that she didn't tell me?

KarlWrenbury Mon 23-Jun-14 15:19:14

so you are hurt - move on!

Pumpkinpositive Mon 23-Jun-14 15:43:26

Not really an answer to OP's question, eh Karl? hmm

It's understandable that you feel hurt but it seems she is only going abroad for a couple of months. Perhaps she didn't think it worth mentioning since your contact appears to have dropped completely recently.

beccajoh Mon 23-Jun-14 15:45:27

YA a bit U. If you've not seen each other much lately then she probably didn't feel the need to tell you. It doesn't sound like you're good friends any more. Acquaintances at best.

Flexibilityiskey Mon 23-Jun-14 16:20:08

YABU. It sounds like you haven't been in touch over the last couple of months, so she has no reason to tell you her movements for the next couple of months. Maybe she was feeling put out that she's been dumped for your new partner and was waiting for you to contact her?

Joysmum Mon 23-Jun-14 17:08:42

Did you contact her in the past couple of months? Contact is a 2 way street.

FruVikingessOla Mon 23-Jun-14 17:27:40

YAB a tad U. Neither of you have seen each other recently anyway.

Yes, of course it would have been nice if she'd let you know - but you say "she is moving abroad for her job for a couple of months". It's only a couple of months.

Why don't you phone/text/email wishing her well - at least that will restore contact?

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Mon 23-Jun-14 17:32:48

So, the length of time she's due to be away for is about the same length of time you've been with new partner and not been in touch?

What makes you think she owes you anything?

Dutch1e Tue 24-Jun-14 08:48:31

I've upped and left the country a couple of times. Honestly, with all the work that goes into an international move it is often easier to just slip out the side door.

People can get (understandably) emotional and (also understandably) have the same 600 questions. It's all very natural but from a selfish point of view, dealing with it all is a huge stress by itself. Handling the reaction of 2 or 3 people is about all I can manage so it's got to be immediate family (blood relatives or extremely close friends) only.

Ragwort Tue 24-Jun-14 08:55:16

If she's only gone for a couple of months that's not long at all, I have people I consider good friends but they don't tell me every move or what they do - one only told me years later that she had been serving in a war zone - I had no idea but it isn't necessary to live in each other's pockets is it?

Why not just send her a note/text/email saying something like 'hope you are enjoying working in <wherever>, let me know when you get back I would love to invite you to dinner. Just take the initiative yourself.

DarkHeart Tue 24-Jun-14 09:31:08


frostyfingers Tue 24-Jun-14 10:36:22

I don't think it's odd to feel hurt that your friend didn't share such momentous news with you - I'd be pretty upset. It doesn't take much to send a quick email or even a text saying something like "sorry I haven't seen you much, just thought I'd let you know I was off to ..... for a while. Be in touch soon".

Ragwort's suggestion is a good one - then at least you've made the contact and it's up to her to respond. If she doesn't then you know where you stand.

Nanny0gg Tue 24-Jun-14 11:18:16

So, you got a new job and a new partner. Would that be why you haven't seen each other?

Do you think she could feel like she's been dumped?

Maybe you need to text, apologise for not having been in contact and then wish her luck?

Mrsjayy Tue 24-Jun-14 11:22:48

You moved got a job new relationship were you in contact with her during that time maybe she felt you had moved on in life although she could have text I suppose how did you find out

ifink Tue 24-Jun-14 11:26:38

I totally resonate with what Dutchie said above, sometimes it's just easier to leave when going abroad rather than have to talk in detail to every friend about the what where and how. It's only a couple of months, why don't you text her and wish her a good time, she will likely be very pleased to get it.

Viviennemary Tue 24-Jun-14 11:31:21

It's only for a couple of months and you haven't been in touch as often so I don't think it's that bad. And I agree maybe she feels the one who has been left out since you moved on. Send her a text.

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