Friends visited locally and didn't tell us

[WestmorlandSausage]

We live in the lake district. Lovely village, we have plenty of space for people to stay and alway make people welcome and let them know that if they want to stay they just need to let us know. We are very easy going, probably to laid back/ walkovers.

Some really good friends (or so we thought) who live about 4 hrs away have just posted pictures on facebook that show they have been within 2 - 3 miles of us all of last weekend. They have even been in our favourite local pub that we take them to every time they come. DP considers the man in the couple to be his best friend and was going to ask him to be best man at our wedding the next time we visited them. TBF we don't know his GF as well as we know him (we both know him from university) but have stayed at theirs about 6 - 7 times and him at ours more times over the years. GF has never stayed but there has always been a 'genuine' reason why.

They didn't breath a word that they we coming into the area. They clearly don't actually like us do they? DP is gutted, I feel so sorry for him and a bit guilty as my suspicion is that it is me the GF has the problem with.

In fairness to them they have tried to hide that they have been here and haven't said where the pictures were taken but the locations are so familiar to us (being locals) that it is obvious.

I'm just annoyed that they clearly felt they had to hide it, if they had said we are coming to the lakes but probably won't have time to catch up then that would have been fine .... we were pretty busy anyway!

AIBU to tell DP to pick his second choice best man and cut the fuckers loose or should we man up and talk about it with them like grownups?

[iwantgin]

They just wanted some couple time rather than a catch up with friends?

I agree that it would have been better if they had mentioned that they would be in the area, but couldn't meet up - but perhaps they felt awkward.

[MrsCakesPremonition]

Perhaps it was a romantic weekend away, or full of activities and no window of opportunity to visit you? I don't think that you are duty bound to visit people just because you are near where they live.
Perhaps your DH could talk to his friend as they are best mates, and find out if there seems to be a real issue or if you are being oversensitive.
Calling them fuckers and dropping them from your lives seems quite an extreme reaction.

[CoffeeTea103]

I agree, they may have just wanted some couple time. I've done this before, and friends have done this too. I don't take it personally.

[WorraLiberty]

Oh my good god really??

Sorry but please read your post back and remove your head from your arse

Seriously, going away for 1 on 1 time as a couple is not a crime.

They didn't breath a word that they we coming into the area. They clearly don't actually like us do they? DP is gutted, I feel so sorry for him and a bit guilty as my suspicion is that it is me the GF has the problem with.

Please don't encourage this sort of paranoia/narcissism as no good will come of it.

[WestmorlandSausage]

did you completely neglect to mention it to them though?

We live somewhere pretty remote. The village pub they went to is pretty remote. Its not like they visited a city and were no where near us. We are also totally not the kind of people that would have got offended if they said we are coming to such and such where do you recommend, we probably won't have time to see you though.

The reason I am annoyed is because they have clearly tried to hide it and DP is upset and doing that man thing of pretending not to be whilst being devastated. I hate seeing him feel like that, he is so kind to people

[BackforGood]

I'm with Worra

What a stunning over reaction to something there isn't actually any need to react to AT ALL

Every day someone on MN takes things to a new level of absol;utley amazing me with their reaction to - well, to nothing!

[WorraLiberty]

Actually, reading my post back it came across as unnecessarily rude and I'm sorry about that.

But still, it's breathtakingly arrogant to assume anything other than they wanted to spend some time together.

He was going to ask him to be best man?

Please don't say he's changed his mind because he wasn't included in a couple's time away together?

[BackforGood]

If they were hiding it, they wouldn't have put it on FB, would they ?

[MrsCakesPremonition]

^^ this reaction right here is probably why they tried to hide it. Perhaps they know you better than you think.

[AnyFucker]

what ?

How do you know they aren't going through a bad patch or summat and needed some time alone ?

[Pumpkinpositive]

YABU.

Maybe they just wanted a weekend of uninterrupted, round-the-clock shagging.

[WorraLiberty]

Why do you feel they should have asked you to recommend anything though?

I just don't get it

[BeeBlanket]

I have done this and got bollocked by friend when she found out. Actually, we were really busy, had a lot to fit in and just didn't have time to do a visit justice. Plus, they never visit us so we didn't think they'd mind!

I wouldn't talk to them, you will sound a bit petty and childish. They can actually do what they like with their time. It would be a shame to lose a friendship when they might actually not see it that way – they might just think they're free agents who aren't always duty bound to see friends just because they're in the area.

[WestmorlandSausage]

we thought we were really good friends with them, DP's friend has visited the area before and not seen/ stayed with us.... not a problem. It just seems odd considering the relationship we thought we had with them that they haven't mentioned it. Totally not a problem with them having couples time, totally not a problem with them not visiting, just don't know why they didn't say... would have been a bit awkward if we had bumped into them in the pub!

[AnyFucker]

MN is strange tonight

OP, you don't normally come across as anything other than normal. WTF happened ?

[BeeBlanket]

(And maybe they tried to hide it because they know you'd be oversensitive.)

[skitter]

I really think you're overreacting. What you are effectively saying is none of your friends can ever visit the Lake District for a weekend unless they tell you they're in the area and see you at some point. I've visited a number of regions and cities where I have friends or family but have not got in touch/told them I'm there as I'm not there to see them - I'm either spending time with my partner or doing something else. In fact my mother, who lives a 2-hour flight away, was visiting me and my family last month and didn't tell her best friend, who lives 10 minutes from us, that she was in town as she was too busy to see her. She said she'll see her next time. It never occured to me the friend would think anything of it!

[Weathergames]

I dunno - I can see where the OP is coming from.

Can you not make a jokey remark on the FB pictures?

[BeeBlanket]

Even if you're not insisting they stay, you're saying they have to inform you of their movements or you'll be offended, to the point of considering "cutting the fuckers loose". It's a bit bossy.

[BackforGood]

AIBU to tell DP to pick his second choice best man and cut the fuckers loose or should we man up and talk about it with them like grownups?

This doesn't read as if you

Totally [do] not [have] a problem with them having couples time, totally not a problem with them not visiting, just don't know why they didn't say

[Weathergames]

Although I have done this on reflection - because I wanted "couple time".

[WestmorlandSausage]

I think it was the fact they were in our local and didn't say anything, we live in such a small area its difficult to be anonymous. I totally appreciate they might have had other stuff going on, but DP is in at least weekly contact with them and its just really odd that they didn't even say.

Am I really overreacting thinking that the GF possibly doesn't like me and has told her DP not to tell us they are going to be in the area when he has always mentioned it every other time he has been around but can't see us?

[LittleBearPad]

You're overreacting. It is not all about you. And you're not coming across as the very laid back type you paint yourself as in the OP.

If it's on Facebook they haven't tried to hide it, have they.

[BeeBlanket]

Is it the end of the world if the GF doesn't like you? Not everyone has to like you. Do you like her?

[wafflyversatile]

Why must we always prefer to allot malice to other's actions over other motivations?

For whatever reason they spent time locally to you just themselves. Perhaps they love the area, having spent happy days there with you, but specifically wanted time just to themselves for reasons entirely unrelated to their relationship with you.

It's easy to imagine that if a partner, friend, colleague (for instance) is in a bad mood (for instance) that it must be something we've done. Usually it isn't anything to do with us.