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To be depressed by my MIL?

(39 Posts)
MillieH30 Tue 17-Jun-14 20:37:28

MIL likes pronouncing that my DD is "a [insert MIL's surname]" through and through. She does it at least three times every time I see her.

Then there are constant observations (made in a low conspiratorial tone - I don't know why) such as "She's got [random member of her side of the family]'s mouth/feet/nose etc".

Her response to being told that DD has conjunctivitis, was that it must be hay fever, as she and my DH (and long list of random family members on her side) all suffer from it. I pointed out that I don't, and it's only in one eye, but she wouldnt have it.

Today a random stranger observed that DD had my eyes. MIL wrinkled up her nose, looked as though she was about to be sick, and responded sharply: "No, no, I really don't think so. Then came the immortal line: "She's a [MIl's surname] through and through. Stranger realising she was mad hurried off.

Twice since, MIL has informed me my DD has uncle's eyes (even though his are brown, and DD's and mine are blue).

Initially it was amusing. But I don't have any parents to counteract MIL, and she's been going on like this for over a year now. Am I being unreasonable to feel mildly insulted and depressed by this? Any suggestion on how to deal with it without upsetting her?

tripecity Tue 17-Jun-14 20:40:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Letthemtalk Tue 17-Jun-14 20:42:40

"Lucky she's got the insert your surname brains then"

Booooooooooooooooooooooooo Tue 17-Jun-14 20:43:07

My MIL does this. She means absolutely no harm and I think it's pride in her son'S achievement because obviously I was a bystander there was one time we were playing catch in the park and she couldn't decide whether DS caught like his dad or his uncle, because he couldn't just catch obviously, he had to catch like one of his male relatives hmm

There have been times when I've wanted to say "really? We used a sperm donor/I had an affair" but I just do a non-committal "hmmmmm" noise instead.

HaroldLloyd Tue 17-Jun-14 20:44:34

Just try saying no she's just herself, she is a <DDS name >

Roseformeplease Tue 17-Jun-14 20:46:14

Any thing wrong with your DD (and, trust me, there will be tantrums at some point) you can get your revenge.

DD: Screaming, thrashing tantrum
Millie: She is, of course, a <> through and through

DD: aged 12 takes up smoking and gets a boyfriend with tattoos
Millie: repeat.

Just you wait....she will get nits, fall out with a friend, smash a precious ornament etc etc.

You could also bring up all MiL's family skeletons each time: "Oh, I hope she doesn't snore like Uncle A....I hope she doesn't get pregnant at 16 like Cousin J"

ThursdayLast Tue 17-Jun-14 20:47:06

Boo, if you ever fail to resist the urge to use the diner/affair line, promise, PROMISE me you will let me know how it went grin

ThursdayLast Tue 17-Jun-14 20:47:54


MrsTerryPratchett Tue 17-Jun-14 20:48:39

My bloody father does it. After three days of induction and labour followed by a C section and horrible recovery, I came out of hospital to, "let's hope DD takes after DH's sister". My poor father got the sharp edge of my tongue for that.

JosieMcDozie Tue 17-Jun-14 20:52:44

Think yourself lucky, my mil constantly states my children look like my husbands brother! That was one of the first things she said when she saw my first. Even when I've shown her photos of youngest being the spitting image of his dad both her and fil pronounced that no matter how many pictures I showed them they just wouldn't see it!

It's bloody infuriating and in my case, I think there is some malice (they seem jealous of my husband for some bizarre reason) but that's a whole other thread!

Every time she mentions her family, counteract it with oh no, that's definitely from my side of the family, old aunty Edna was the same you know.....repeat as necessary. And, I feel your pain!

SuburbanRhonda Tue 17-Jun-14 20:52:53


Kebab, I presume? grin

KeepOnPloddingOn Tue 17-Jun-14 20:58:36

My mil does this. Even her own family say how dd is the spitting image of me (as she actually is) but still I get how much she is dh and even how like mil herself she is (not at all, honestly)

I recognise we all do it to an extent but mil has habit of repeating herself too- so it does get a bit tiresome hearing how dd is dh double for the fifteenth time in an hour. Esspecially when she actually isn't !

ThursdayLast Tue 17-Jun-14 21:02:29

grin Rhonda

BasicallyFcuked Tue 17-Jun-14 21:02:30

Josie, I feel your pain.

My MIL has a...'unique'...sense of humour. I have two boys...both look like dh, have the same build as dh etc. But DH, me and DS2 have green eyes. DS1 has blue eyes, as does BIL. There are very few blue eyes in either of our families, we're mainly green and hazel.

This, according to my MIL, is a perfect opportunity to make regular suggestive 'jokes' about how friendly DBIL and me are (if you get my drift). 'Isn't it just so strange how ds1 looks so much like BIL?' (He doesn't, at all...he just has the same eye colour). 'I wonder how on Earth you could have had a child that looks so much like your DH's brother?' (imagine a suggestive raised eyebrow whilst saying this)

Evil old bitch.

desertmum Tue 17-Jun-14 21:07:39

my MIL has spent the last 20 years telling me 'he/she doesn't get it from our side of the family dear' - when there was a tantrum, health issue, bad report card,blah fucking blah. And 'they are [my surname] through and through], I think she thinks I had an immaculate conception . . . But I get the last laugh as the DCs are awesome now, at Uni and doing well - obviously they get all their awesomeness from me grin and most definitely they have my sense of humour, thank goodness.

youwouldthink Tue 17-Jun-14 21:08:15

This happened to me with DD who is now 10.
Every second line was oh she's a real look of the in law family about her

At the start it used to drive me mad, then I tried to just let it wash over

A few years later when DD was about 5 we had a family event at which both my own family and in laws were at. Myself and DD arrived when everyone was already there and I was faffing about so she walked in ahead of me.

My lovely godparents were there and both nearly fell over with shock..when mother in law questioned what was wrong they said DD was the total image of me when I was that age :-)

She has grown up to be more and more like me and has so many of my mannerisms... Karma is wonderful!! smile

Monopolice Tue 17-Jun-14 21:09:00

Basically My MIL does that with one of mine - "of course he has DUncle1's hair" grin

desertmum Tue 17-Jun-14 21:10:05

sorry, ignore her - it gets easier with (a long, long) time to tune it out and laugh. I just hope I can remember all the annoyances of my MIL and not inflict them on any future DILs I may have!

Weathergames Tue 17-Jun-14 21:12:32

Both my MILS did this - I have come to the conclusion it's their way of reassuring themselves it is their sons biological child as they know it's yours!!

One of my ex MILS (I have several) asked then OH if he was sure the baby was his hmm.

How I laughed when DS came out like a carbon copy of OH - he is mixed race and I am white grin.

SellyMevs Tue 17-Jun-14 21:12:57

My MIL is like this and baby isn't even here yet!! I know she means no harm, but it is so frustrating. She is like this with my SIL too, her grandchildren can only possibly take after her two sons.

After baby starting measuring big, she assured me that her family only have big babies. And then when I was told I had gestational diabetes, I was reminded that big babies run in the family, but they aren't normally fat. I need to work extra hard with my diet to make sure baby doesn't get fat. Diabetes can apparently be cured with a "proper" diet and lifestyle. I am a size 10 and haven't fancied anything sweet since I got pregnant.. my only consolation is that diabetes is definitely in my genes. My genes.. not hers!

DeadCert Tue 17-Jun-14 21:14:31

MIL does this all the time. I think it's her way of getting ownership of DS. If he looks like her DS (DH) then that sort of means he belongs more to her.

She's utterly bonkers though, and not in a good way.

Kundry Tue 17-Jun-14 21:15:53

My nan used to do this about me. Despite the fact that I look practically identical to my mum and even my DF used to acknowledge he had to take it on trust as I looked nothing like him whatsoever.

But no every time Nan was here I looked just like Auntie Eileen or random other relative we'd never heard of.

DM put up with it (even though malice was clearly intended) until apparently all my achievements came from Nan's side of the family too.

Then we stopped seeing very much of my Nan.

fingersonbuzzers Tue 17-Jun-14 21:25:58

My family are like this!

My Mum and my Auntie stood there scratching their heads over where DD's blue eyes come from as no one else in the family has them.

While my DD's father stands there like this hmm

fingersonbuzzers Tue 17-Jun-14 21:26:27

That should say while my DD's blue eyed father stands there like this hmm

Kundry Tue 17-Jun-14 21:30:44

Yep, been there. 'Where do Kundry's blue eyes come from? Well Great Uncle Percival had blue eyes and then there was your Great Great Grandfather"

Meanwhile blue-eyed DM stands next to me like a womb for hire, trying not to explode.

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