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I don't think IABU but dh does

(24 Posts)
StillFrigginRexManningDay Tue 17-Jun-14 16:11:21

A family friend of dh has recently got back in contact with them after a falling out some years ago. Dh is going in all gung ho trying to repair bridges but I am the more tread cautiously type because this woman has a long history of spreading vicious lies when she does not get what she wants.
The falling out happened after she said she had cctv footage of me damaging her car. Her car was damaged but certainly not by me. I have never seen this cctv footage hmm .
If she dosen't like someone she will tell lies about them and turn everyone against them.
She accused a person of child abuse and then admitted she made the whole thing up.

Tbh I don't really want anything to do with her, but dh thinks IABU and that I should just let it go and she has no need to apologise.

CorusKate Tue 17-Jun-14 16:14:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thebestone Tue 17-Jun-14 16:15:54

yadnbu! shes spreading rumors about you, basically calling you a criminal

gamerchick Tue 17-Jun-14 16:16:10

I would chase her personally tbh. These types of people never change.

justmuddlingalong Tue 17-Jun-14 16:16:43

Don't have anything to do with her if you don't want to. Your DH can have friends separate to you. Just make it clear to him why you will not be building bridges. And don't feel you have to become involved with her again. YANBU.

ViviPru Tue 17-Jun-14 16:17:06

Just play your cards close to your chest on it. By the sounds of things, the more you resist and object, the more your DH will insist on having dealings with her. Going on past form she's likely to fuck up again and do something batty to alienate herself from your DH and his family again. Just don't implicate yourself. Give her enough rope and she'll hang herself.

Do you think she's jealous of you/your relationship with your DH?

Fairenuff Tue 17-Jun-14 16:17:19

If someone falsely claimed that they had evidence of me causing criminal damage, my dh would certainly not want anything to do with them. If it was a family member, he would consider rebuilding a relationship if they admitted that they had lied and apologised. Anything less would not be worth the effort.

ViviPru Tue 17-Jun-14 16:19:05

I certainly wouldn't bother to pursue an apology. What's the point? Just keep your distance and be diplomatic when your DH goes on about her. She'll be out of the picture again before long.

DenzelWashington Tue 17-Jun-14 16:19:06

If this has been a pattern in her life then your DH is being naive. Not to mention disloyal to you (as you were the target of the last lie). I agree it sounds wise to keep your distance.

StillFrigginRexManningDay Tue 17-Jun-14 16:23:31

I don't know if she was jealous, dh certainly would not be her type as she has identified as a lesbian for as long as I know her and has had long term relationships with women.
Maybe I have a really suspicious mind but theres a niggling feeling that her sudden reappearance is not because of guilty conscience.

Crinkle77 Tue 17-Jun-14 16:25:00

Why does he want to be friends with a woman who spread such nasty lies about his wife. Plus why didn't anyone ask to see this supposed cctv evidence?

CanaryYellow Tue 17-Jun-14 16:29:43

My DH wouldn't want anything to do with someone who falsely accused me of criminal damage until they, at the very least, apologised to me.

Actually I'd want a public apology and acknowledgement that they lied about me, and I'd expect my DH to support me in that, as I would if it were him.

I'd be reassessing my relationship and my DH's loyalty to me if I were in this situation.

I would be quite annoyed with my DH if he wanted to build bridges with someone who had lied so badly about me.

Pumpkinpositive Tue 17-Jun-14 16:33:56

Has your DH ever been romantically involved with this bitch woman?

Pumpkinpositive Tue 17-Jun-14 16:35:05

Ignore my post in light of your revelations about her lesbianism. grin

StillFrigginRexManningDay Tue 17-Jun-14 17:21:11

I am questioning dh loyalty to us and our family. When he sees her he comes back with this sort of attitude, like he dosen't know what the fuss is all about and then after a day or two its like the fog clears and he can see why so many people distrust her.

JohnFarleysRuskin Tue 17-Jun-14 17:25:56

I would be questioning his loyalty too. sad

Pumpkinpositive Tue 17-Jun-14 17:28:10

Have you ever met any of these women she supposedly had relationships with?

It's very odd behaviour on your DH's part and doesn't show him in a favourable light. sad

PrincessBabyCat Tue 17-Jun-14 17:52:11

Why does he want to repair bridges so badly with her after what she's done? I would be suspicious of both motives and suspect they were trying to get involved.

harriet247 Tue 17-Jun-14 18:23:18

What princessbabycat said. No way would my dp do that to me.

SybilRamkin Tue 17-Jun-14 18:27:49

Yikes, she sounds bonkers, and your DH sounds like a total mug if he's allowing her back into his life after the way she treated you. Run a mile!

lettertoherms Tue 17-Jun-14 18:37:37


Your DH is being massively U and disloyal to you to consider her back in his life after her spreading malicious lies about you.

DejaVuAllOverAgain Tue 17-Jun-14 18:45:50

If I was married and in your situation I'd feel massively betrayed by my DH behaving in this way. I'd be questioning the whole relationship tbh.

StillFrigginRexManningDay Tue 17-Jun-14 19:24:28

Yes I have met her girlfriends and I have no suspicion of them trying to get involved. In my opinion her sudden renewed interest is probably financially motivated as her last break up was messy with a house involved. And dh would be soft enough to lend her some with no hope of getting it back.

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