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Hen day thing. IABU. I think.

(45 Posts)
Discoflame Mon 16-Jun-14 19:16:37

I am pretty sure I am actually being unreasonable but maybe other people telling me will make me cheer up and get on with this!

I've been invited to a friends hen day. It's a full day thing, afternoon tea at her house then up to a club for a cocktail class and dinner. Apparently there will be games and stuff.

I hate this kinda thing, but she's a good friend so I will go.

However money is really tight just now and I have no spare cash. The evening thing was £40 and I couldn't afford it so I said I would just attend the day, afternoon tea at her house.

But that's to cost £25. Am I totally unreasonable to have assumed it would be free??

Don't get me wrong, I'd have take a bottle of bubbly and some chocolates but £25 to sit in someone's house?!

Argh, tell me I'm a moany skint cow and I should shut up and put up please? Maybe I will enjoy it when I get there???

Rokenswife Tue 17-Jun-14 21:45:02

I've just been asked to spend £140 for a hen day. / night and that doesn't include the two hour journey there and back.

I've just said 'sorry, can't afford it, will meet you all in the evening and stay at my aunty's'

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams Tue 17-Jun-14 11:05:08

Who is actually arranging it ? The bride or the bridesmaids?
Did they ask you to bring bubbles AND �25?

HaroldLloyd Tue 17-Jun-14 10:01:41

Maybe £25 is a lot but if its part of a hen for say 15 people and your putting on a spread including sandwiches cakes strawberries cava and the like that would cost a lot of money, I would no way expect the hen to cover that.

She could ask people to bring a bottle and something but might end up with a random assortment of stuff, so it would make sense to me for everyone to chip into the cost.

Surely that isnt outrageous?

KoalaDownUnder Tue 17-Jun-14 09:26:07


For 25 quid, I would expect a lavish spread in a lovely garden. Who the fuck charges that kind of money for their friends to have afternoon tea at her house? confused

Preciousbane Tue 17-Jun-14 07:32:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Tue 17-Jun-14 07:09:53

I wonder whether you could ask for the cost to be split into booze v food/tea/tat? I think that's a reasonable question. If you explain you won't be drinking, I think the organisers would be hard pressed to insist on billing you for booze.

MonkeyDLuffy Tue 17-Jun-14 07:07:00

Don't go if you can't afford it!

AlpacaPicnic Tue 17-Jun-14 07:01:53

I think it might actually be illegal to charge people for a party in your own house... For drinks and such like. Don't you need a license for that?
I would query it that way but I'm a bit of a bitch

Tinkerball Tue 17-Jun-14 07:00:16

Why on earth do you have to "suck it up" if you can't afford it?

NoisyToyHell Tue 17-Jun-14 06:56:05

Can something urgent come up?

matildasquared Tue 17-Jun-14 06:32:27

Yeah, well I'm not "skint" at the moment (knock on wood) but I just object in principle to the idea of being charged for the privilege of having tea and sandwiches at a friend's house.

If one of my close friends sent me an "invitation" like that I would think they'd lost their marbles and I'd avoid the whole thing. I'd just send polite regrets.

HippyPottyMouth Mon 16-Jun-14 23:03:51

If you can't afford it and she was a good friend pre-Zilla, tell her you can't go because you can't afford it. She might have budgeted for it. I have a very close friend who was absolutely skint when I got married so I planned to cover her costs for the hen. In the end she couldn't go but another friend sent apologies for skintness so I paid for her instead. The cost of a single hen in the context of a whole wedding was very small in my case, although that would depend on the type of wedding your friend's having. DH did the same for one of his best mates, and another one paid in instalments over a few months. Don't expect, but tell her the real reason and see what she says.

Discoflame Mon 16-Jun-14 22:07:38

My own hen do was a meal in a restaurant and then a dance in the club downstairs after (classy) was £35 for 3 courses, a cocktail and the club. And I had no tacky crap, it's just not me at all! But I have been so surprised by how the wedding stuff has gone to my friends head, will almost be glad when the big day is over and she will be normal again!

Actually only been told the cost this week and hen do is in 2 weeks otherwise I would have been saving for it. I already have the bubbly, bought on offer in preparation for the hen do!

I will go, will rustle up the money somehow though might have to wait till payday! But I'm still annoyed about it. Can't see anyway round not paying without looking a bit mean and stingy so will go and smile and be a good friend. And hope that one day she looks back and realises what a tube she was!! grin

expatinscotland Mon 16-Jun-14 21:58:26

These hen do's have got out of control. Whatever happened to a pub crawl in town and a kebab after?

GemmaTeller Mon 16-Jun-14 21:55:34

A recent bride I know had three hen do's...

a weekend city break, fri - sun piss up

a night out with work colleagues

a day spa, followed by afternoon tea, followed by drinks round town piss up

I managed to excuse myself from all three

TerrifiedMothertobe Mon 16-Jun-14 21:54:56

I think that's ridiculous.

Pullingteeth Mon 16-Jun-14 21:49:43

YANBU. Everything seems to be so expensive these days. I have friends who want everyone to go on city breaks etc for their Birthdays. I struggle to be enthusiastic about my own let alone other people's!

Meh84 Mon 16-Jun-14 21:49:12

I do think YABU.

She's a good friend...and she would probably be there in a heartbeat for your hen do.

No doubt you've known about this for a while, so maybe saving £5 here and there would've gone a little way to help cover the cost.

Just go and have least pretend too!

losingmybelt Mon 16-Jun-14 21:43:28

I agree these things are a problem if you don't drink, as you can end up subsidizing the drinkers!
It used to happen to a friend of mine a lot - on meals out.
Now she insists on buying her own drink whenever she goes out.

Fruityb Mon 16-Jun-14 21:38:48

65 quid would get you a lovely day at a spa with a three course meal!

YANBU. I hate this idea of big dos where people end up paying over the odds for stuff like this. Surely they should just be happy to have everyone here.

I hate strippers. ...

NoodleOodle Mon 16-Jun-14 21:32:54

Could you phone and ask if it's ok if you just turn up with a bottle of Shloer as you don't drink?

HaroldLloyd Mon 16-Jun-14 20:42:34

Actually stuff all adds up so if she is getting loads of cava type stuff and food for everyone I don't think it's totally extortionate.

But I would imagine she has got a LOT of wine for that much and so if you don't drink it's going to be a lot of money for you on that basis.

zzzzz Mon 16-Jun-14 20:39:48

Just say you can't come. Don't explain. Save the £25 for a wedding present and continue with life as normal.

matildasquared Mon 16-Jun-14 20:30:51

It's not a charity event or anything is it? Like one of those coffee mornings?

Otherwise--she is really charging you £25 to come to her house for tea?

No, no way would I go to that.

LeBearPolar Mon 16-Jun-14 20:25:37

Who are these people who have such enormous egos that they think everyone will be delighted to spend this amount of money on things like this? I can't imagine being so up myself that I would think everyone was happy to fork out £65 to spend a day with me just because I was getting married.

Just tell her that you can't afford that but hope she has a lovely day.

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