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AIBU about weekends?

(153 Posts)
Weathergames Mon 16-Jun-14 17:24:47

Ex H has kids every other weekend. We do not get on, so communicate as little as possible.

Often doesn't have them as goes on holidays and never seems to try to fit these in in the massive amount of time he is not with the kids. He never has the kids another time and he refuses to have them any "extra" or help in any way.

DS is 16 and now has a job on Sat and Sun, which is great and I am very proud.

ExH lives in same town but says kids can't have a key to his (it's his partners house but he has lived there for 7 yrs) because it's not their home hmm.

He has now said as DS is working if he is going away for the weekend when it's "his" weekend then DS will have to stay here as he cannot stay in their house alone. I often go away when the kids are away (or just enjoy not cooking etc) and do not really want to worry about leaving DS here and what he might get up to (he was found drunk in the street by a passer by a while ago while supposedly at a party) he's not really responsible enough and if I am going away I can't relax fully.

So ex h is saying he is responsible enough to be left here but not at theirs.

He has already had a conversation with DS about it before even mentioning it to me and completely disregarded me, my opinion or the fact that this is actually my house. To all intents and purposes saying that his plans take priority over mine angry.

I have said he needs to adjust his own plans as he only has to feature the kids in 4 days a month as opposed to my 26.

I love my kids and love being with them just trying to put this down in a matter of fact way - not sound like I can't wait to get rid of them.


ChuffinEllAsLike Mon 16-Jun-14 17:27:54

If DS is 16 then cang he be at your home while your away. And cook hus own food?

Tbh 16 is about the age when father and son need to sort out their own arrangements to suit them both.

ChuffinEllAsLike Mon 16-Jun-14 17:28:39

Hang on theres other kids, but he wants to stop seeing them as well just because DS 16 has a job?

StillWishihadabs Mon 16-Jun-14 17:29:40

What does your ds want ?(apart from being left home alone, which you reasonably said is not on) He is old enough to have a say, although not a casting vote IMO. Is there a friend he could stay with ?

Weathergames Mon 16-Jun-14 17:30:29

If that happened his dad would never bother to see him.

And no I don't want to go away for a weekend and leave him here, he can cook but I don't think he is responsible enough to be left.

ChuffinEllAsLike Mon 16-Jun-14 17:32:05

Does he have SN? Or are you worried he will have a party?

And yes, unfortunately thats exactly what might happen (him not seeing his dad). But whether its at 16, 18 or 21 you cant stop the inevitable.

It happened in my family. I saw my dad twice a year when my folks split up (I was 15)

Weathergames Mon 16-Jun-14 17:34:02

A party.

Thomyorke Mon 16-Jun-14 17:55:13

Unfortunately your ex does not care, you can not come to a compromise if one person has nothing to lose. No matter how unreasonable he is you have no bargaining power as the only people hurt are your DCs. He will go away as he pleases because he is a dick.

Weathergames Mon 16-Jun-14 18:00:00

Yes Thom I fear you are correct sad

ChuffinEllAsLike Mon 16-Jun-14 18:43:21

Ah fair enough, I used to do the same at his age.

But you have other children anyway? What happens to them when you go away?

Weathergames Mon 16-Jun-14 18:46:21

They are at their dads.

Inertia Mon 16-Jun-14 18:47:36

Your DS and his father need to make arrangements for DS to be at his dad's when it's their contact weekend. It's your ex's responsibility to make arrangements which don't feature you or your house.

ChuffinEllAsLike Mon 16-Jun-14 18:48:31

Ah right, do you go away often?

Seems you're just going to have to wait until your DS is trust worthy enough to be left.

I guess his dad doesnt want him to have a key and stay there without him for the exact same reasons that you aremt willing to. Doesnt make him any less flaky though, sounds like he has jumped at the chance of cutting ties.

Weathergames Mon 16-Jun-14 18:50:01

I think it's his dads wife who is the driver behind it.

I go away quite a bit as my partner in the forces.

ChuffinEllAsLike Mon 16-Jun-14 19:00:17

But Weather c'mon, you dont trust your son for a weekend alone in your house, but you expect your ex and his wife to?

Weathergames Mon 16-Jun-14 19:02:42

No I don't at all it's the other way round.

I expect him to organise himself around seeing our kids as I have to.

ChuffinEllAsLike Mon 16-Jun-14 19:09:18

Im really confused. You have more than one child with him? So he wants to stop seeing them too, since your 16 year old got a job?

Weathergames Mon 16-Jun-14 19:14:44

He has all the kids every other weekend but is now saying if he's going away when he has them DS will have to stay here as he now has a job.

I am saying organise yourself better like I have to!

ChuffinEllAsLike Mon 16-Jun-14 19:17:31

Right, Ive got you. I understand now, so he will go away with all the kids but leave DS behind because he has work but this means you cant go away because you cant leave ds alone in case he has a party to end all parties?

I understand now.

I can only suggest you get him to stay with friends. Or get neighbours to keep and eye on him.

Luggagecarousel Mon 16-Jun-14 19:20:40

Why not ake the kids with you on your weekends away.

Weathergames Mon 16-Jun-14 19:22:48

Because I fly up to see my OH and I could not afford it and he is on base so nowhere to stay and DS works?!

And why should I tbh should their father do nothing I do everything?

HayDayQueen Mon 16-Jun-14 20:25:30

Well of course the father should do something, but you can't make him! So if he won't, you have to, or find someone else that can have him for those weekends.

Luggagecarousel Mon 16-Jun-14 22:46:38

If I couldn't afford to fly without my DC, then I wouldn't be flying. I would think that your children might find it hurtful that you go away without them all the time. I wouldn't go away without my teens.

They quite happily go away without me from time to time!

But that's fine. Teens need their mum to be available every day, we don't need them to be.

Weathergames Mon 16-Jun-14 23:08:56

That's ridiculous my kids are lovely people and are happy I am in a relationship - I fly to Scotland sometimes to see my partner as he is based there and it saves him driving 1000 miles once in a while.

My kids have TWO parents and I think it's ridiculous to say they need to see me every day!!

They also have phones and can call or text me!!!

Weathergames Mon 16-Jun-14 23:09:50

I also go on holiday for a week once a year when they go to stay with their father!!

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