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Or a busybody?

(22 Posts)
HelloMumItsMe Mon 16-Jun-14 10:53:29

Just sitting in a cafe and a group of 4 nannies have just walked in (I know they are nannies from the conversation). They all seem lovely apart from one, who is talking to her little charge horribly and has made her cry. She's really shouty and unkind. She has called her a 'complete nuisance' and said 'stop your whinging' when she is clearly bored and upset, and sat her down in her chair quite roughly.

Look I'm aware this isn't exactly child abuse, but I wouldn't talk to my kids like that and the little girl seems quite upset.

I'm a bit nosey and have heard they are on their way to monkey music, which is held in the church hall down the road. I have heard this little girl's name too. Am tempted to pop in after the class and have a word with the teacher and see if she thinks its appropriate to say something to the girl's parents. I known I would want someone to tell me, but like I said, I know the nanny hasn't done anything illegal or even close

KellyElly Mon 16-Jun-14 10:55:35

I would want to know the person I was paying to look after my child was talking to her like that so yes, do it!

BobTheFly Mon 16-Jun-14 10:57:51

I think it would be inappropriate of the music teacher to give you the child and/or parent details or to pass on third hand gossip so I don't see how you are going to do this.

Thesimplethings Mon 16-Jun-14 10:58:05

I would want to know too. Yes you will come across as a busy body I'm afraid, but one with good intentions.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett Mon 16-Jun-14 11:00:57

The teacher won't be able to give you any details so while I think you aren't actually being U, there's not much you can do about it.

HelloMumItsMe Mon 16-Jun-14 11:05:22

Yes it was more that if I mentioned it to the teacher and there were possibly concerns already, they might have a quiet word with the girl's parents. I know there isn't much more I can do

KoalaFace Mon 16-Jun-14 11:09:25

I think its always good when people notice something not quite right when it comes to how children are treated and take time out of their day to consider if they should do anything and what they can do.

It goes against all our instincts to "not kick up a fuss" and just "mind our own business".

All I can say OP is that if you feel that what you saw was unprofessional for the nanny an you feel like you need to do something then talking to the person running the group is all you can do. If only to make them aware that its been noted before so that if they see anything, they'll feel more confident in taking action.

KoalaFace Mon 16-Jun-14 11:10:24

X-posted with you OP. I see that's what you were thinking anyway!

KERALA1 Mon 16-Jun-14 11:13:29

Yes I would. My friends nanny had concerns about another nanny after observing her with her charges. My friends nanny very kind and professional after much soul searching approached the mother to let her know. Mother wasn't interested and didn't want to know shock.

Bluebelljumpsoverthemoon Mon 16-Jun-14 11:36:45

I would appreciate someone making me aware of my child being treated that way, yanbu, there are times when nosiness is a good thing.

LittleMisslikestobebythesea Mon 16-Jun-14 11:41:48

I would want to know if it was me, so yes I would mention it to the group, if you are happy too, you could always give your number/an email address for the group leader to pass on to the parents?

Freewheeeling Mon 16-Jun-14 11:59:07

Yes I'd want to know, littlemiss has a good idea about passing on an email address or number to the music teacher so they can contact you if they wish.

I recently did the opposite. I saw a friends dc out with their nanny, nanny doesn't know who I am and the dc were too far away to see me. She was being wonderful with them, so I mentioned it to their mum (my friend) so she knows they were being well looked after.

HelloMumItsMe Mon 16-Jun-14 12:29:27

I went in and said something, didnt see messages about passing on my details so stupidly did not do that, but leader did give a sort of knowing look and said she would handle it, so hopefully they are aware

KoalaFace Mon 16-Jun-14 13:30:18

I know some people might disagree with me, but I think you did a really good thing. You didn't make a big deal, just passed on a concern to someone official.

Well done smile thanks

HelloMumItsMe Mon 16-Jun-14 13:57:06

Thank you koala

bitsnbobs14 Mon 16-Jun-14 14:01:18

I'd want to know if that were my child. You did the right thing.

LittleMisslikestobebythesea Mon 16-Jun-14 15:26:26

It wasn't stupid to not pass on your details, it was just a suggestion as my background is personnel so I am used to passing details on!

You did the right thing, well done for not just ignoring it thanks

losingmybelt Mon 16-Jun-14 15:53:02

You should say something.
A couple of years ago on holiday, we came across some grandparents who had taken their young grandchildren on holiday.
Everyday, the grandad, who seemed to have very little patience, would shout and holler at these poor kids and would handle them roughly as well. Yanking them by their arms and at one time slapping the one across his head!
I made a point of asking which area of the country they were from (pretending to be friendly), and as soon as we were home, I phoned social services that covered the town that he mentioned, gave the first names of the grandchildren, which he barked often enough (didn't get the surname unfortunately).
I'd like to think it made a difference. It was better than doing nothing.

DizzyKipper Mon 16-Jun-14 16:12:37

Well done OP, you did the right thing.

Theodorous Mon 16-Jun-14 17:01:37

I would. I was that child a long time ago.

Youdontdecide Mon 16-Jun-14 18:17:51

thanks Theodorous sad

Theodorous Mon 16-Jun-14 18:28:20

Thanks. It did affect me, I didn't realise until I was bullied at work years later and literally went straight back to that situation

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