neighbours child

[benannoli]

The little girl next door who is 8 came round to play with my little girl who is 5. This has happened frequently especially in the summer months as we have a fence panel down between the two houses so they can easily come and go. We have always got on well with the family although recently there has been some unspoken tension as we have bought a motorhome which we keep in storage during the winter months but which is on our drive for much of the summer.
She comes here to play far more than my little girl goes there as the girl will say things like we have to play at yours because my mum has tidied. I find this annoying but dont mind really as at least i can keep a closer eye on my daughter. Whilst she was here I went upstairs to check on them to see my daughter who had pen drawn on her face (felt pen) so i asked her what had happened to her face and the other girl said i did it we were playing a game and now we are washing it off. So I said, 'you don't draw on peoples faces please don't do it again". All was well and they carried on playing for a while before she went home. Fast forward to the next day and the dad asked my husband if he could have a word and said she had gone home very upset and that if we have any other issues could we see them and not tell her off. So my husband explained about the pen and the dad said yes she told us about that and we told her it was silly. Now tell me AIBU to think that you can tell a child off in your own house and by tell of i mean ask them not to do something and also am i being unreasonable to assume that had she been upset at the time she would have gone straight home instead of continuing to play. I am annoyed that he spoke to my husband and not me as i feel i can't defend myself as if i raise it again it will seem like i am being funny. The child involved was 8 (i also have 2 boys 8 and 11), if my children play at others houses i would expect them to be told off if they did a similar thing. But AIBU.

[JoffreyBaratheon]

YANBU. And I'd restore that missing fence panel.

[ComeHeather]

I would say you did the right thing. It's fine to kindly/politely 'tell off' children in your house, not least because you are responsible for their safety. I would expect my DC to be told off if they were behaving badly and I'd being going round to apologise not complaining!

If my DC was upset at being told off I'd being saying 'well, don't misbehave then!' Same as I do if they are told off at school for being silly or whatever.

[MehsMum]

YANBU. Your house, your rules.

[gamerchick]

I wouldn't let her back in. Now she's witnessed her parents undermine you as they would have been vocal about how out of order you were in front of her, you may be opening up a whole load of ball ache.

Fix the fence and cool the playing over imo.

[InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream]

Bloody cheek! I'd be inclined to tell the parents , well, if I'm not even allowed to tell your child not to draw all over my child's face, she's not coming round again. Ridiculous!! What arrogant arses they sound! Put the fence up quick

[buddles]

YANBU. I'd be incredibly angry if anyone drew on my DS's face, playing or not!

[SecretNutellaFix]

You told her off, not walloped her with a hairbrush!

Serious overreaction on the part of the other parents. Is she their one and only by any chance?

[dustarr73]

And at 8 they really should know better.Put teh fence back up and cool the friendship.

[DejaVuAllOverAgain]

I agree with gamerchick I wouldn't have a child in my house if I couldn't tell them off when they're misbehaving.

[Bluebelljumpsoverthemoon]

Fix the fence and don't let her back in, if they ask why tell them the truth.

[Dubjackeen]

Agree, fix the fence. The drama of the dad needing to get involved, and talking 'man-to-man' to your husband over a trivial incident says it all.

[QueenofallIsee]

No, certainly not unreasonable. I must say that I would not be OK with having a child to play frequently that I could not ensure behaved. When kids are in my home I expect to treat them as I do my own, subject to the same rules etc. I would not be comfortable trotting round next door every time I had to ensure that the kids were playing safely/remind them of boundaries. I know how great it can be to have playmates nearby but for me it would be more trouble than it is worth.

[CoffeeTea103]

Yanbu, it's that flaky parenting of wrapping children in cotton wool that irritates me. You were in fact very polite. I would have told her off. At 8 she should know that it's not ok.

[MonkeyDLuffy]

YA definitely NBU.

[APlaceInTheWinter]

I don't think they undermined you. It sounds as though the dad spoke to your dh outwith the earshot of the children, and it sounds as though they told their dd that she shouldn't have written on your dc with the pen.

I wouldn't mind my neighbour giving my dc into trouble but equally if my neighbour came to me as your neighbour has done then that wouldn't bother me either. I think the fact that you are so annoyed about it means you're probably better taking the advice of the PPs and limiting the time they play together.

[OldVikingDudeHidMyTubeSocks]

I would let her back round to play but everytime she does something that you feel needs a reprimand, return her to her parents and explain nicely why. Doing as the father asked and pissing them off all in one.

[DaffyDuck88]

I would definitely fix the fence panel and get a bit of distance back.
You are well within your rights to tell a child off in your home. Shout at them no, of course not - but you didn't, you sounded perfectly rational. Telling/asking them not to do something is totally reasonable. Only alternative would have been to take her home early or call her mother to come and get her while you cleaned your daughters face.

[MammaTJ]

I had a cheeky monkey in my house who told me 'I'm not your child, you can't tell me what to do'. That got a swift 'My house, my rules, if you don't like it, there's the door'. He laughed, he got told to leave in no uncertain terms.

I think they are being ridiculous!

[KurriKurri]

I have always told off children who misbehave in my house (not in a nasty way, but firmly) and I would expect other people to do it to my kids. If my kids misbehaved at someone else's house I'd be cross and back up the other parent.

What is this craziness that you cannot correct poor behaviour?

And 'we have to play at yours because mum has tidied?' - your neighbours sound like they are using you for free child care. I feel a bit sorry for the little girl, does she have any friends her own age? It would be a shame not to let her come round to play if your DD enjoys her company, but you can't have your neighbours dictating the rules in your own home.

[OddFodd]

A child who complains about being told off in my house doesn't come back. What a stupid attitude from her parents

I also had a similar situation with a kid who was constantly over here and DS wasn't allowed to go round there and it pissed me off after a while because I was the one tidying up (and providing free childcare)

[StanleyLambchop]

And it IS undermining someone to tell a child that that grown up was 'silly' to bollock them after the fact.

I understood it as the parents telling the girl that she was silly to draw on faces, not that the OP was silly to tell her off.

[TwoInTheMourning]

So you're providing them with free childcare but cannot tell the other girl not to do something you wouldn't allow your own kid to do? Fix the fence and cool off the relationship.

[StanleyLambchop]

I think YANBU is this instance, but I think sometimes it does go too far, I have just told my DD I don't want her to go to her friends to play anymore as she is always told off by her friends mum, even though her friend is doing the same thing. The mum just won't tell her own child off, so she blames everything solely on my child. I've had enough of that and have pulled the plug on it. This is a different scenario to your situation though.