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to be unsure about whether to send DD on this sleepover?

(45 Posts)
ThinkIveBeenHacked Sun 15-Jun-14 14:58:25

Dd is 2 1/2, and has only ever slept over at her grandparents (on both sides).

Her aunt has asked to have her overnight next week. The aunt has a son the same age. She wants to take them to the cinema and bring her back mid morning the following day.

Dd has never gone with Aunt alone ever, yet, so I am wary of her staying overnight there. I have the following concerns and want to know if IBU for any of them

(1) dd has never spent alone time with aunt or her boyfriend before
(2) I would need to go an put my car seat in their car. Am a total nutjob about carseats and hate hate dd beig in a car without me (probs irrational, and I dont mean me driving, just dont like her being in a car without me)
(3) what happens if she needs the loo in the cinema - id want Aunt to take her to the loo, not the boyfriend but then if aunt takes her son, dd will be left with the boyfriend (nothing against him, bit shes only met him twice
(4) boyfriend is staying at aunts (see above re how much dds met him
(5) I dont allow dd to have fizzy drinks (I know, what I dont know wont hurt me) but aunt will think nothing of letting her son have a taste of her Relentless or a glass of diet coke or a taste of a beer
(6) There is no bed for dd there. I have a small inflatable, and could supply that if needed, but its not ideal
(7) My gut is just saying no

Sorry, now ive written it down I can see Im probably BU but I dont know.....

If it helps I wouldnt let my dsis have dd overnight as they dont really know one another well (my sis lives abroad so I mean on the times she is home).

QOD Sun 15-Jun-14 15:00:52

I wouldn't. One or the other, sleep or cinema is enough

EyelinerQueen Sun 15-Jun-14 15:00:53

I wouldn't have done this when DD was that age.

From your post you're clearly not comfortable with the idea. Which is fine. And at 2 and a half she isn't going to get anything from it.

Just say no. You don't need to offer any excuses smile .

AskBasil Sun 15-Jun-14 15:01:22


If you don't want your toddler to go and stay somewhere, don't let her go.


You don't have to say yes to this. Your gut says no, listen to your gut, your instincts are there for a reason. Give yourself permission to do what you feel is right for your DD, not what someone else wants you to do.

Just say that she's not ready to sleep over at someone else's house yet and make it clear that you're not going to change your mind.

KnockMeDown Sun 15-Jun-14 15:02:49

YANBU - at 2.5 your DD is too young. How would she settle to sleep without you there, and with someone you haven't left her with yet. How about an afternoon trip to the cinema, then back to you - that would surely be enough for a first time?

cornflakegirl Sun 15-Jun-14 15:03:31

Maybe a bit U on some points. But that's allowed! Maybe suggest just cinema this time, see how it goes?

ClashCityRocker Sun 15-Jun-14 15:04:23

She's still quite wee for sleepovers with people she doesn't know very well.

I don't think YABU to say no on that basis alone.

ThinkIveBeenHacked Sun 15-Jun-14 15:04:36

Yes id feel more comfortable with her taking dd for cinema and tea then home for bed. I feel like.I cant say a firm no as dd has slept over at her grandparents, but she sees them alone regularly (monthly / six weekly)

kinkyfuckery Sun 15-Jun-14 15:04:47

Definitely no to the sleepover. Maybe, to the cinema if you can be assured she will respect your rules re: fizzy drinks, etc.

RhondaJean Sun 15-Jun-14 15:06:04

YANBU except for point 2, you do need to deal with that somehow.

How about cinema trip with no sleepover?

RhondaJean Sun 15-Jun-14 15:06:24

Sorry xpost.

MrsTerryPratchett Sun 15-Jun-14 15:06:26

She's such a small person. If she was five and dying to go, fair enough but I imagine a 2.5 yo isn't that bothered and would like to stay with Mummy.

EyelinerQueen Sun 15-Jun-14 15:07:13

She's your toddler.

You absolutely can say a firm no.

ThinkIveBeenHacked Sun 15-Jun-14 15:08:22

What if DH think "yes" -- he is her dad. Who gets the final say?

softlysoftly Sun 15-Jun-14 15:10:45

2.5 sleepovers really aren't necessary unless it's for the parents babysitting needs grin

Also isn't she a bit young for cinema too? Sounds all round a bit old for her tbh. I'd say no.

softlysoftly Sun 15-Jun-14 15:11:41

The person who doesn't want it gets final say.

ThinkIveBeenHacked Sun 15-Jun-14 15:12:41

She has been to the cinema a couple of times but needs a bit of cajoling to stay seated (isnt allowed to run around she just stands)

Luggagecarousel Sun 15-Jun-14 15:13:22

YANBU. I wouldn't. you are not happy, and she is too young. Just say no thanks, I think she is too young at the moment. Maybe you could just have the cinema trip, and go with them?

Goldmandra Sun 15-Jun-14 15:14:04

he is her dad. Who gets the final say?

You are her parents. That's a joint role and you need to work it out together. This is a time for understanding and negotiation, not on person trumping the other.

If you're not comfortable sending her discuss that with your DH and ask him to respect your feelings. If he chooses not to, you have much bigger issues than a 2YO's sleepover.

Meglet Sun 15-Jun-14 15:19:00

I wouldn't let her.

I only agreed to the dc's (then 6 & 4) having a sleep over with my sister on the basis that a) her lodger and (then) new-ish boyfriend weren't there and b) her house was almost empty prior to a house move so there was nothing for them to break.

Mine didn't go to the cinema at that age, it would have been torture.

DramaAlpaca Sun 15-Jun-14 15:21:40

You are uncomfortable with the idea so that's a good enough reason to say no.

YummyKiwis Sun 15-Jun-14 15:22:55

2.5 is way to young to be going to sleepovers, my son is 5 and it's only this month that I have started to let him go on day trips with other people.

Itsfab Sun 15-Jun-14 15:24:08

2.5 is too young when she hasn't slept there before and hardly knows the relative. There does have to be a first time for everything but it doesn't have to be right now. My son was 3 or 4 before he slept at my in laws and he only slept somewhere else when he was 12, a school friend's, and I felt I had to let him as I knew I was being daft.

When my youngest was 8 he had grand plans about staying at nanny and granddads for a week but we said I would pack for 2 nights. He came home after one and he sees them lots and has stayed over a lot. He is a mummy's boy and he wanted to come home.

Say thank you but she isn't ready to sleep anywhere else yet. If they bring up her staying with her grandparents say she seems them regularly and knows them.

Whathaveiforgottentoday Sun 15-Jun-14 15:33:20

Go with your gut feelings on this one. She is only 2 1/2.

MagicCarpet Sun 15-Jun-14 15:38:35

Nah, I wouldn't be ok with this. I'd be fine with cinema, but not sleepover. I'm not sure on all your points, as I obviously don't know your family dynamic, but I think 2.5 is too young for that. My eldest is 3.5 and still wouldn't get anything out of it.

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