We are really struggling for money and are in a bit of a mess that we can't get out of. We really struggle to the point where I couldn't take the children for an ice cream with their friends after school this week because I didn't have any money to buy an ice cream. Yet my facebook is full of people eating in cafes, driving places at the weekend, children doing endless after school activities (mine did do gymnastics but have had to stop it, and often can't afford to take the toddler to the childrens centre playgroup because I literally don't have the pound admission). Some of these friends are an a lower income than us / not working...AIBU to think they must be being helped by family, or have savings we don't have, or another source of income?
DH earns about 30,000. To me that is a high wage, it's certainly more than anyone in my family has ever earned, although I appreciate that some people will earn more. I am a SAHM. We have looked at the finances of me working and when we do the sums, with 3 DC (two would need before and after school care, one preschooler would need all day), we can't see how it is financially possible for me to work.
Basically, we moved from the North to the South-East a couple of years ago in order for DH to take up a permanent full time job, which increased his income from 16,000 to 30,000 and gave us the security of a permanent contract. Obviously the cost of living is higher, and we seem to be worse off, along with having much lower tax credits than we did on a lower income.
We have done everything we can to save money. Our rent is 850, which is honestly the lowest we could find in the town where DH works. If we lived further out, we would spend more on travel. I hate the town anyway and wouldn't choose to live here! After bills, council tax, etc, we have about 400 to get through the rest of the month, including food and travel. We shop in Aldi or Lidl, and manage to spend about 55 a week on food, cleaning products and toiletries for the five of us. It is tight, using cheap veg to bulk out meals etc and no treats - especially for the grown ups. We don't use the car unless essential. DH walks forty minutes each way to work, and cycles the children 4 miles each way to school in a bike trailer, except on the mornings when he isn't able to because of work commitments, in which case I get the bus (i can't drive) which costs about 12 in bus fare for me and the children, for 2 return trips (there are complicated reasons why they don't go to school closer to home, involving school admissions and some extra needs, but we're not eligible for help with transport and we just don't have the spare money for me to learn to drive, even though we would save money in the long term because bus fares are extortionate).
We have sold everything of any value, including jewellery I was given for my 21st, things left to me in a will, etc. We don't have a TV or sky subscription. We have never had a holiday, and have only been abile to visit family when they have been kind enough to pay for the travel. All the children's clothes are off ebay, or have been passed on to us by other people. DH and I have holes in our clothes, and I have no shoes, only flip flops. A couple of months ago we had to SORN the car because we couldn't afford the MOT and road tax in one installment. Some months we have run out of money halfway through, and have managed by buying enough cheap food for a budget menu, and dh and I sometimes going without food, especially fruit and veg, in order to save it for the children.
AIBU to think that on the income we have, we really shouldn't be this desperately broke? Am I missing something abiout how everyone else is doing this? We do keep looking out for jobs in cheaper areas but nothing is coming up, and I'm not sure how we'd afford to move unless there was a relocation package.
Please be kind, but genuine suggestions welcome!
AIBU?
to wonder where everyone's money comes from and why we have none?
pennilessandpanicking · 15/06/2014 12:52
You need to keep a log of how much you're spending so you can see where it's going. Are you spending £12 a week on bus fares or a day? If it's a day, it's cheaper to buy a weekly ticket. I do this. I pay £19 a week and I use the bus 4 times a day, so it's cheaper then 2 return trips as this would be £11 a day, so £55 a week (ouch).
If your children have additional needs are you claiming all that you can? DLA? What are you other bills like? Is it worthwhile changing your gas and electricity supplier etc?
No harshness here 
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