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I think I probably am. And entitled. And grabby.

(94 Posts)
Caff2 Sat 14-Jun-14 17:23:40

So, I'm prepared for a flaming. We have had a REALLY bad year. I lost my job, and I was equal wage earner with my OH. We are really struggling to keep heads above water.

When all the bad stuff happened, we swallowed our pride and asked my parents if they could help financially. We sat down with them at their request and did an incomings and outgoings sheet. My mum and dad said they would - to the tune of paying our rent which is £750 a month, so VERY generous. They would do this untiDS2 starts school so I could afford to take a low paid job. This would mean we would be fine and able to pay other bills.

They did this the first month after my money stopped - but this month have said they've changed their minds and we will have to manage.

AIBU to be upset and worried now?

Fairylea Sat 14-Jun-14 17:25:28

Yanbu to be upset because they have gone back on a promise. But maybe they have their own financial woes. You'll have to look into taking more work / making sure you're claiming all you're entitled to to try and make ends meet.

TheFarceAndTheSpurious Sat 14-Jun-14 17:25:34

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WallyBantersJunkBox Sat 14-Jun-14 17:25:43

What reason have they given you?

Chippednailvarnish Sat 14-Jun-14 17:26:41

YANBU. Did they give a reason? Have you checked what benefits you're entitled to?

FabULouse Sat 14-Jun-14 17:26:50

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Bowlersarm Sat 14-Jun-14 17:27:06

YANBU. What reason have they given?

RandomMess Sat 14-Jun-14 17:27:06

Have you claimed for housing benefit, council tax benefit etc.? You will probably get partial assistance.

soverylucky Sat 14-Jun-14 17:27:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lweji Sat 14-Jun-14 17:28:23

They are entitled to change their mind, but sound like bastards to raise your hope and dump you from a great height like this. I'd be upset too.

Did you find any other way of balancing your budget?

Would you consider letting out your place and renting a cheaper place?

glasgowstevenagain Sat 14-Jun-14 17:28:55

Ask them why.

Personally if they can't afford it fine. But any other reason I would cut them out your life

Frontier Sat 14-Jun-14 17:29:20

Did you have to persuade them to help originally or were they happy to?

I think you know you can't be reliant on them like that for any length of time but I'd be upset that they'd gone back on promise like that too.

Nomama Sat 14-Jun-14 17:29:22

Oooooooh! That's worse than not having offered in the first place. I hope they took some time to talk to you and didn't just cold shoulder you.

Still, you have to pick yourself up and have a good think, check back over entitlements and opportunities, etc. You will do it, you just may be doing less of it for a while!

Good luck.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sat 14-Jun-14 17:33:06

Do you know why they might have changed their minds, OP? It's an odd thing for them to do after they said they would do this. Have any purchases or other things that your parents might not approve of, been made? Any history there?

I'm asking this because, in your position - if there was no reason that I could see - I would be asking my parents for the reason they had changed their minds. I'd also be a little bit concerned about them, that they hadn't overstretched themselves.

There's got to be a reason for this and, ultimately you may have to make some changes to your own circumstances to make this work for you.

Caff2 Sat 14-Jun-14 17:34:05

We've done all we can but aren't entitled to much - my mum said she'd mentioned it to one of my brothers and he'd said it was very unfair.

Smartiepants79 Sat 14-Jun-14 17:34:31

What reason did they give.
I don't think you're being unreasonable to be upset and disappointed.
They offered.
Surely they understand what a bad position they've put you in. If they couldn't afford it they shouldn't have agreed to it in the first place.

Lweji Sat 14-Jun-14 17:36:46

I wonder if your brother would think it was unfair if it was him in your place.

Surely, you could work it out as a loan, or make an arrangement to waiver the total amount from your possible inheritance.

Caff2 Sat 14-Jun-14 17:38:44

I don't know what's reasonable anymore. Have to go out for a bit now, but thank you for responses so far.

Nomama Sat 14-Jun-14 17:40:01

Ah! Sensitive question alert...

Are you the golden child or is the brother who made the 'unfair' comment?

BIL was always the golden boy and freaked when MIL lent us £200, I always thought he saw it as £200 he couldn't sponge of her that month. He made such a fuss she never lent us money again - it wasn't a big deal, I just used to need a tenner on a Monday to last until the Friday. We manage, but he made us feel like we were hideous spongers.

When he had a nice arrangement with her my DH did speak to her, to ask if she was able to afford the money she was giving him (about £500 a month), she couldn't, so she used DH as an excuse to stop.

Sometimes parents are less than honest with us with the best of intentions.

Canthisonebeused Sat 14-Jun-14 17:48:58

I think it's not reasonable to rely on anyone else to help you out tbh. It's not easy at all to manage and keep your head afloat. But I think it must be manageable on what you have coming in, it may be a very different standard you are used to. Otherwise you would be eligible for extra help in benefits and tax credits.

It may be that you need to consider massive cut backs, move to a cheaper rental etc.

mommy2ash Sat 14-Jun-14 17:49:33

to be honest i think asking anyone for that kind of money every month is a bit cheeky.

HappyMummyOfOne Sat 14-Jun-14 17:57:19

If it was a one off or a couple of months, then perhaps your brother wouldn't have thought anything of it. However it sounds like it's been going on for some months and was set to continue for a good while longer and that's a lot of money. Siblings should be treated the same, favouring one always leads to problems.

Nanageddon100 Sat 14-Jun-14 18:11:08

YANBU. Your parents shouldnt have offered it if they weren't going to commit to it. Whether your brother thinks its fair or not, they made the promise to help and you budgeted for this money.

ComposHat Sat 14-Jun-14 18:14:19

I don't think you were being greedy or entitled as you didn't ask for ongoing support but can see how your brother would get the hump. By paying you a comparatively large sum they are helping you to live a comparatively leisurely life style. Perhaps he too would like to work less, take a less stressful job, spend more time wiyh his children or pursue a hobby.

If my parents gave my sister a one off sum to help her out if a hole I'd be fine with that, however if they were making large ongoing and open ended payments to my sister to allow her to live a lifestyle she couldn't afford id be pretty annoyed.

restandpeace Sat 14-Jun-14 18:16:25

That is very cruel of them.

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