Not wanting presents

[MizLizLemon]

I married my DH six years ago, we had a very small wedding, just us and a couple of witnesses. It was what we wanted at the time, I'd just had DD and money was a bit tight. Now things are different and I really like the idea of having a vow renewal and inviting 30-40 friends and family, basically the wedding we didn't have first time around.

A friend of mine has offered to help with the planning and when I told her that I was going to put "no presents please" on the invites she was horrified. The thing is we're not a young couple setting up home who need lots of household things, we have what we need, and we live in a small flat so don't have space for any more knickknack type things either, but I know if people gave us that kind of thing I wouldn't have the heart to get rid if it.

My friend thinks that people will want to give presents, and even if I put no presents they'll bring them anyway, so I should ask for vouchers, which I'm really not sure about. I know that grabby bridezilla bashing is a bit of a theme on MN, but my friend got me wondering if there was another side to this and that people would get offended if they were told not to buy presents, and wonder if it is ever appropriate to ask for vouchers.

[Bunbaker]

Just put "No presents please, we have everything we need" on your invitations. Then if anyone asks perhaps you could ask for a donation to your preferred charity.

[WorraLiberty]

'Horrified'? Blimey, does she always over react?

I think saying no presents is fine. I wouldn't know what to buy a couple who've been married for 6yrs anyway.

I expect if people really want to give you something, they'll pop some money or vouchers in a card, so no need to ask for anything.

[CoffeeTea103]

People will want to give you something, vouchers seem like a good idea but not sure how you will broach that tactfully.

[phantomnamechanger]

Wow, I had no idea people would expect to give or receive presents at a vow renewal!

It rather puts me off having one in case people think we are being grabby !

What's to stop folk having one every 5 years, to replace everything that needs replacing?

I would put no present but donations to x charity of your choice

[Amy106]

I think "No presents, please" on the invitations is just fine.

[ZenNudist]

I wouldn't expect to have to bring a present to a vow renewal. It would be classier to say no presents and ignore your friend. Or say nothing.

[Chocotrekkie]

I've never been to a vow renewal and the whole present/no present/how much to spend/what to buy thing would really stress me..

I would love you to write no presents please we have everything we need.

I would probably then be happy just to get you some champagne or something disposable.

[Xmasbaby11]

It's not a wedding. As a guest I would probably just bring champagne or flowers - I would be shocked at giftlist or suggested charity donation.

[Musicaltheatremum]

Slightly different but I had a big party on my 50th. I said no presents on the invites but asked for donations to Marie Curie charity. Some did both, some brought a present some brought a bottle or chocolates. I wouldn't be offended/worried if someone said no gifts. I might ask them if they had a charity or get them some champagne or whatever they might drink.

[Maverick66]

How about "no presents just you presence"

[Stubbed]

No need to ask for vouchers. I would always get some mainstream kind of vouchers (John Lewis, m&s) if the couple had no wedding list and didn't mention it. Tbh if they ask for vouchers I think it's cheeky and get champagne instead.

[sooperdooper]

I'd never expect that presents were even considered for a vow renewal, why don't you have an anniversary party instead? Just makes more sense to me than a vow renewal

[Lauren83]

I don't think it's grabby, I imagine people would treat a vow renewal like a wedding? After all op days she never had a proper wedding last time so the folk who may not of been present will be celebrating with them now and probably want to buy a gift/give vouchers etc

It seems a pretty big do is being put on and there aren't many celebrations you would go to empty handing so why would people to a 2nd wedding celebration empty handed?

[HappyMummyOfOne]

Would never enter my head to bring a present to a vow renewal but then again wouldn't expect one after just a few years but more on a milestone anniversary.

Just don't mention presents as "no presents please" sounds grabby just mentioning them and may be considered a veiled request for cash instead.

[HappyAgainOneDay]

You could put 'No presents' on your invitations but as others have said, guests would want to give you a present. When my husband and I were married we had no gift list because we had everything we needed and everything we wanted. People gave us garden centre vouchers or just plain cash/cheque. An idea might be to suggest something that would be used up over time. For instance wine or spirits, food hamper (a group could get together to do that), perfume + aftershave in one package, wine or spirits, wine or spirits yes, I know I've repeated myself.

[Floggingmolly]

guests would want to give you a present. Not necessarily. A vow renewal is nothing like a wedding. I'd bring whatever I'd normally bring when I'm invited out to dinner; but not a wedding type "present".

[MaryWestmacott]

Personally, I'd go for saying nothing, then if asked say gift vouchers for a department store (probably John Lewis) then you can put them together and get something bigger.

Be warned though, you're going to get a lot of champagne, photo frames and nicknacks. Nothing short of a formal wedding gift list will stop that!

[MaryWestmacott]

Oh and brief both your mum and mil if asked (and stress you aren't expecting gifts, just if asked!) they should direct them to vouchers for the shop of your choice, lots of older people will just ask the mums.

[Joysmum]

A vow renewal after only 6 years?

[ChickenFajitasAndNachos]

I wouldn't buy a present for a vow renewal, I'd give a nice bottle of wine or champagne or some flowers. Like others have said I wouldn't mention gifts or vouchers on the invite.

[CMOTDibbler]

I'd make it known that you don't want anything. Job done.

[CrapBag]

Joys I am assuming its because they couldn't do the wedding the really wanted the first time around.

I like the idea of doing a vow renewal once we can afford the wedding I should have done the first time.

I wouldn't put anything tbh, I'm not sure that people think a vow renewal is a present thing. If people start asking, then you can put the word out that you aren't expecting anything as you are already married and have everything you need.

[Floggingmolly]

What's the point of having the wedding you couldn't afford first time round when you've already been married six years, CrapBag??
Move on...

[CrapBag]

Because when you are in a position to do it how you wanted, people may want to.

If you don't want to, then fine, but others may and they can do as they wish. Maybe I don't want to move on, maybe I want to have the day I have dreamed about and should've done it the first time but was young and naïve. Maybe that's what the OP wants as well.

[WooWooOwl]

It's never appropriate to ask for vouchers as a wedding gift, and it would be even worse than it already is to ask when you aren't even getting married.

I don't think people will automatically give a gift for a renewal, it's not the same as a wedding.

I wouldn't mention gifts at all, but if you feel you need to or you can slip it in with other helpful information, then just say that you don't expect or need anything and you would be delighted just to share your guests company.