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AIBU?

My doctor told me to have sex!

133 replies

AngryBeaver · 13/06/2014 07:20

I have a 5 week old baby.

Her: "have you had sex yet?"
Me: no?!
Her: "Well, you'd better get on with it. Use it or lose it"

Wibu to chin her one?

OP posts:
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CoffeeTea103 · 13/06/2014 07:20

Yanbu Shock

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RobinSparkles · 13/06/2014 07:20

Seriously? Shock

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flappityfanjos · 13/06/2014 07:24

What the actual fuck??

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Shnickyshnackers · 13/06/2014 07:25

surely not before 6 weeks after the birth (if at all for muh longer than that)

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milkingmachine1 · 13/06/2014 07:25

Eh? Use it or lose what? What a twat.

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FuckyNell · 13/06/2014 07:31

She shouldn't have said that!

However you certainly do not need to wait 6 weeks either. It's up to each individual and when they feel ready.

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Messygirl · 13/06/2014 07:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AngryBeaver · 13/06/2014 07:44

Fuckynell...
I have 4 children, I'm ABsoloutley farking shattered.

If I wanted to have sex before 6 weeks, believe me, I would.
But I totally don't and I think that's understandable.

At the moment, I can't imagine ever wanting to do it again, actually!

Dh is sleeping on the sofa bed downstairs and baby and I co sleep.

I just couldn't BELIEVE she told me to use it or lose it!
What does she think will happen?
If I don't have sex before dd is 12 weeks, my fanny will fall off?

OP posts:
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Dolallytats · 13/06/2014 07:46

My DC3 is a year old next month-once only in that time! I'm too knackered with reluctant co-sleeping (with the baby AND the 6 year old,will sort it out as soon as I can be bothered!) and children who think 5.30am is play time.

Please, go ahead and chin her-for the sake of mothers everywhere!

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QueenofLouisiana · 13/06/2014 07:50

I knew I'd be asked at my 6 week check, so I got on with it. Least sexy sex ever! Then the GP asked if it had all felt ok! I could see where he was going with that- the hospital idiot training doctor who had turned green during delivery had put in non-dissolving stitches so I'd had a few problems- but still, I turned bright red! I don't know why as that GP had looked after my pregnancy and removed the sodding stitches.

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MrsKoala · 13/06/2014 07:53

YANBU

After my terrible birth with DS i had 3rd degree tearing and was double incontinent for a few months, had physio for 8 months and very sore hard scar tissue and little elasticity (they seemed to have sewed me up very tight i couldn't even get a tampon in).

At a 6 month check at the hospital the conversation with the doctor went like this:

Dr: How's sex now? all normal?
Me: I haven't done it yet
Dr: Oh sorry, i thought you were married
Me: Confused Yes, iam
Dr: Shock well why aren't you having sex then?
Me: Sad because it's too painful
Dr: Come on it's been 6 months, you've got to get back to normal, think about your husband
Me: Shock
Dr: I'll prescribe you some topical numbing cream you can rub it on before you have sex and it will numb the area so you can't feel anything, but your husband can have sex with you, and when it wears off you may be a bit sore but that will settle down...
Me: Shock Shock Shock

I just took the prescription and walked out shell shocked. i got in the car where DH was waiting and burst into tears. I told him and he was furious. He said what kind of rapist husband would expect their wife to feel nothing and be sore just so they could stick their cock in them. He said he was perfectly happy waiting (and i believe he really was).

I was tempted to make a formal complaint. But i never did. I still think about it now 2 years later and wish i'd said something. I think we had sex at about 10 months, but it certainly wasn't back to normal even then (or now for that matter - and a baby/toddler also makes a big difference, regardless of your physical ability you are knackered and it's hard to find the opportunity).

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DrFunkesFamilyBandSolution · 13/06/2014 08:02

Was it a poorly executed joke?

If not yanbu

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Cereal0ffender · 13/06/2014 08:03

Lol @ use it or lose it. I would go back and check you spoke to an actual doctor

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StillFrigginRexManningDay · 13/06/2014 08:05

I would complain.

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daimbardiva · 13/06/2014 08:08

mrs koala can't believe you didn't complain - that's horrendous. Poor you :-(

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bigTillyMint · 13/06/2014 08:08

Was she French?

I don't remember any health professionals asking me if I was having sex at any time after I had my DC.

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OhBabyLilyMunster · 13/06/2014 08:09

Lose what! Your fanny? Idiot. Yanbu in any way.

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ReallyFuckingFedUp · 13/06/2014 08:12

Dr: I'll prescribe you some topical numbing cream you can rub it on before you have sex and it will numb the area so you can't feel anything, but your husband can have sex with you, and when it wears off you may be a bit sore but that will settle down...


FUCKING DISGUSTING

Mrskoala (and OP) I am disgusted for you and if you are up to it you might want to consider complaining still. Especially koala, can you imagine some of the poor women getting that advice? Going home and doing it just to "keep Dh happy" Angry

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MrsKoala · 13/06/2014 08:21

I remember all the NCT group grimly talking about forcing themselves and their DH's to have sex at 5wks because they knew they would be asked at the GP 6wk check. Because of my birth trauma there was no way i could have done it at 6wks so i wasn't bothered. But i didn't expect that at the hospital. The woman was a right prat. In fact my entire 'care' throughout pregnancy, birth and after was terrible - never have a baby in MK!

OP, i would complain if i had my time again. Perhaps you feel up to mentioning how inappropriate that kind of comment is and how much pressure it adds to people post birth.

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ReallyFuckingFedUp · 13/06/2014 08:29

Jeez, I thought you were supposed to wait until after the all clear from your doc at the 6 week check? Are women really forcing themselves to have sex? God, that's so sad. And how much worse that doctors are perpetuating that? :(

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KoalaDownUnder · 13/06/2014 08:29

What the actual fuck.

What century are these doctors living in??!

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ReallyFuckingFedUp · 13/06/2014 08:30

......it was a female doctor mrsk?! Shock

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annielewis · 13/06/2014 08:37

So so wrong - I would still complain now about the Dr who told you to put numbing cream - words actually fail me on that one!!!!!

And as for your GP....... I'm going to assume she doesn't have kids???

They asked me at my 6 wk checks and after 2 really crappy labours (forceps and tearing first time, ventouse and tearing second time) I happily told them there was no way on gods green earth I'd even considered it.

This kind of shite cannot be helpful and as for NCT groups gearing up for DDT before they get to 6 weeks - are we suddenly back in the 40/50s????

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MrsKoala · 13/06/2014 09:02

yes, a female doctor. But from a non western culture/culture where women are seen as husbands property. tbh the whole conversation fucked me off. The implication only married people have sex, the assumption that sex is for the husbands benefit, the idea that he would miss it more than me and the insult that my dh (or any normal man) would be happy with a wife numbed up and legs open just so they could use them as a wank sock. (For the record we both bloody missed it! But the searing pain was not a sexy turn on for either of us)

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sunshinecity17 · 13/06/2014 09:09

Lose what! Your fanny?

I think she meant lose your DH

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