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My doctor told me to have sex!

(134 Posts)
AngryBeaver Fri 13-Jun-14 07:20:10

I have a 5 week old baby.

Her: "have you had sex yet?"
Me: no?!
Her: "Well, you'd better get on with it. Use it or lose it"

Wibu to chin her one?

CoffeeTea103 Fri 13-Jun-14 07:20:56

Yanbu shock

RobinSparkles Fri 13-Jun-14 07:20:59

Seriously? shock

flappityfanjos Fri 13-Jun-14 07:24:52

What the actual fuck??

Shnickyshnackers Fri 13-Jun-14 07:25:57

surely not before 6 weeks after the birth (if at all for muh longer than that)

milkingmachine1 Fri 13-Jun-14 07:25:58

Eh? Use it or lose what? What a twat.

FuckyNell Fri 13-Jun-14 07:31:36

She shouldn't have said that!

However you certainly do not need to wait 6 weeks either. It's up to each individual and when they feel ready.

Messygirl Fri 13-Jun-14 07:32:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AngryBeaver Fri 13-Jun-14 07:44:15

I have 4 children, I'm ABsoloutley farking shattered.

If I wanted to have sex before 6 weeks, believe me, I would.
But I totally don't and I think that's understandable.

At the moment, I can't imagine ever wanting to do it again, actually!

Dh is sleeping on the sofa bed downstairs and baby and I co sleep.

I just couldn't BELIEVE she told me to use it or lose it!
What does she think will happen?
If I don't have sex before dd is 12 weeks, my fanny will fall off?

Dolallytats Fri 13-Jun-14 07:46:05

My DC3 is a year old next month-once only in that time! I'm too knackered with reluctant co-sleeping (with the baby AND the 6 year old,will sort it out as soon as I can be bothered!) and children who think 5.30am is play time.

Please, go ahead and chin her-for the sake of mothers everywhere!

QueenofLouisiana Fri 13-Jun-14 07:50:36

I knew I'd be asked at my 6 week check, so I got on with it. Least sexy sex ever! Then the GP asked if it had all felt ok! I could see where he was going with that- the hospital idiot training doctor who had turned green during delivery had put in non-dissolving stitches so I'd had a few problems- but still, I turned bright red! I don't know why as that GP had looked after my pregnancy and removed the sodding stitches.

MrsKoala Fri 13-Jun-14 07:53:42


After my terrible birth with DS i had 3rd degree tearing and was double incontinent for a few months, had physio for 8 months and very sore hard scar tissue and little elasticity (they seemed to have sewed me up very tight i couldn't even get a tampon in).

At a 6 month check at the hospital the conversation with the doctor went like this:

Dr: How's sex now? all normal?
Me: <hollow laugh> I haven't done it yet
Dr: Oh sorry, i thought you were married
Me: confused Yes, iam
Dr: shock well why aren't you having sex then?
Me: sad because it's too painful
Dr: <eye roll> Come on it's been 6 months, you've got to get back to normal, think about your husband
Me: shock
Dr: I'll prescribe you some topical numbing cream you can rub it on before you have sex and it will numb the area so you can't feel anything, but your husband can have sex with you, and when it wears off you may be a bit sore but that will settle down...
Me: shock shock shock

I just took the prescription and walked out shell shocked. i got in the car where DH was waiting and burst into tears. I told him and he was furious. He said what kind of rapist husband would expect their wife to feel nothing and be sore just so they could stick their cock in them. He said he was perfectly happy waiting (and i believe he really was).

I was tempted to make a formal complaint. But i never did. I still think about it now 2 years later and wish i'd said something. I think we had sex at about 10 months, but it certainly wasn't back to normal even then (or now for that matter - and a baby/toddler also makes a big difference, regardless of your physical ability you are knackered and it's hard to find the opportunity).

DrFunkesFamilyBandSolution Fri 13-Jun-14 08:02:00

Was it a poorly executed joke?

If not yanbu

Cereal0ffender Fri 13-Jun-14 08:03:35

Lol @ use it or lose it. I would go back and check you spoke to an actual doctor

StillFrigginRexManningDay Fri 13-Jun-14 08:05:35

I would complain.

daimbardiva Fri 13-Jun-14 08:08:12

mrs koala can't believe you didn't complain - that's horrendous. Poor you :-(

bigTillyMint Fri 13-Jun-14 08:08:57

Was she French?

I don't remember any health professionals asking me if I was having sex at any time after I had my DC.

OhBabyLilyMunster Fri 13-Jun-14 08:09:10

Lose what! Your fanny? Idiot. Yanbu in any way.

ReallyFuckingFedUp Fri 13-Jun-14 08:12:26

Dr: I'll prescribe you some topical numbing cream you can rub it on before you have sex and it will numb the area so you can't feel anything, but your husband can have sex with you, and when it wears off you may be a bit sore but that will settle down...


Mrskoala (and OP) I am disgusted for you and if you are up to it you might want to consider complaining still. Especially koala, can you imagine some of the poor women getting that advice? Going home and doing it just to "keep Dh happy" angry

MrsKoala Fri 13-Jun-14 08:21:58

I remember all the NCT group grimly talking about forcing themselves and their DH's to have sex at 5wks because they knew they would be asked at the GP 6wk check. Because of my birth trauma there was no way i could have done it at 6wks so i wasn't bothered. But i didn't expect that at the hospital. The woman was a right prat. In fact my entire 'care' throughout pregnancy, birth and after was terrible - never have a baby in MK!

OP, i would complain if i had my time again. Perhaps you feel up to mentioning how inappropriate that kind of comment is and how much pressure it adds to people post birth.

ReallyFuckingFedUp Fri 13-Jun-14 08:29:28

Jeez, I thought you were supposed to wait until after the all clear from your doc at the 6 week check? Are women really forcing themselves to have sex? God, that's so sad. And how much worse that doctors are perpetuating that? sad

KoalaDownUnder Fri 13-Jun-14 08:29:46

What the actual fuck.

What century are these doctors living in??!

ReallyFuckingFedUp Fri 13-Jun-14 08:30:35 was a female doctor mrsk?! shock

annielewis Fri 13-Jun-14 08:37:39

So so wrong - I would still complain now about the Dr who told you to put numbing cream - words actually fail me on that one!!!!!

And as for your GP....... I'm going to assume she doesn't have kids???

They asked me at my 6 wk checks and after 2 really crappy labours (forceps and tearing first time, ventouse and tearing second time) I happily told them there was no way on gods green earth I'd even considered it.

This kind of shite cannot be helpful and as for NCT groups gearing up for DDT before they get to 6 weeks - are we suddenly back in the 40/50s????

MrsKoala Fri 13-Jun-14 09:02:57

yes, a female doctor. But from a non western culture/culture where women are seen as husbands property. tbh the whole conversation fucked me off. The implication only married people have sex, the assumption that sex is for the husbands benefit, the idea that he would miss it more than me and the insult that my dh (or any normal man) would be happy with a wife numbed up and legs open just so they could use them as a wank sock. (For the record we both bloody missed it! But the searing pain was not a sexy turn on for either of us)

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