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To have just realised that I have no friends

(301 Posts)
DDDDDORA Thu 12-Jun-14 21:41:01

Four times this week I made plans (2 of them with the same person) and on all 4 occasions I have text to confirm plans to be told that they now have other plans and can we do it another time. People only chat to me when other people aren't around as soon as someone better comes along they walk away/ turn back on me.
I can't remember the last time I was invited along to anything and I always arrange things but 90% of the time people cancel or forget.
AIBU to think I must be a pretty boring person and WIBU to just give up on people altogether?

TotallyAddictedToLurking Thu 12-Jun-14 21:43:44

I'm the same as you. I plan things and I always get cancelled on for better plans.

I've started to not bother. I don't feel guilty anymore either. I'm sick of being walked all over and being expected to be there at the drop of a hat.

I don't have any genuine friends and that hurts sad

samsam123 Thu 12-Jun-14 21:45:40

I haven't any friends but I don't really care no one to let you down get a dog so much more reliable

MrsPatrickDempsey Thu 12-Jun-14 21:46:52

I have only got two real friends.

Morethanalittlebitconfused Thu 12-Jun-14 21:47:44

I'm same as you OP I'm never tagged on Facebook either

I realised how crap I am as a person when I tried to pick bridesmaids and organise my hen do and couldn't think of anyone to take along/have as a bridesmaid

I look on Facebook at old school friends and they're all having hen dos of 20+ people lasting a weekend in a barn or spa or Ibiza and have photos of hoardes of bridesmaids at the wedding

It made me feel very very lonely

VampyreofTimeandMemory Thu 12-Jun-14 21:48:37

i've only got 1 real friend and we both know we're there if we need each other, plus the occasional night out and general catch-up. I used to have a great social life but I think I only had booze in common with most of them.

FiloFunky Thu 12-Jun-14 21:50:11

I could add myself here!

Loos like we could team up x

piercedinkedscarred Thu 12-Jun-14 21:54:49

I'm the same. I got rid of facebook as no-one comments/likes my status's and I never get invited to anything. I don't have contact with anyone at school/further education and I don't work so no meeting people there. I often feel lonely. It's pretty shit when you want to see something at cinema or you fancy a night out and there is no-one there to ask sad

CMOTDibbler Thu 12-Jun-14 21:56:27

Me too. It sucks.

Holfin Thu 12-Jun-14 21:57:57

I am the same. Have never joined Facebook because I would have hardly anyone to add as friends sad

Mellowdramatically Thu 12-Jun-14 22:05:54

I often feel like this. Can't remember the last time I was invited to a wedding or similar. I never seem to gel with people. Bit strange I know but mostly I'm embarrassed that no one will turn up for my funeral! Hopefully my kids will tho grin when they are in their 60s hopefully grin

MrsKoala Thu 12-Jun-14 22:07:39

Me too. I only have family and my NCT group on FB and they all seem to have hundreds of friends and i have about 18 (and none are friends really, just acquaintances).

It was so depressing when i got married last year. I had no one to invite. The only people who came on my side were mates of my parents. It was one of the saddest days of my life. i just felt so lonely. When i had DS 2yrs ago i had no one to tell or to excitedly text me to ask if i had it. At the hospital the only people we had to call were my parents. I realised if i died i would have only have 3 people at my funeral who i cared about (mum and dad and dh).

DDDDDORA Thu 12-Jun-14 22:11:28

Thanks for your replies, I feel really guilty if I let anyone down, I desperately try not to show I care when I'm let down.
I'm a tough cookie and can usually shake these things off but today I'm just really down about it. Facebook doesn't help, I think I will deactivate my account.
It is reassuring to know that not everyone has loads of friends.
I am very lucky that I have a wonderful DH and 2 amazing DDs, so I'm not completely alone.

MohammedLover Thu 12-Jun-14 22:12:46

I can recommend joining a New Wave WI group. I have never had so many different people to go out with and do fun activities in and out of my normal comfort zone. So much support and rallying around when need be and just a chance to talk about stuff that people often don't find time for
over a glass of wine or cup of tea and cake. I have not looked back.

DDDDDORA Thu 12-Jun-14 22:27:26

Mohammed there was an article in the local paper about them last week, maybe I should give it a try

wintertimeisfun Thu 12-Jun-14 22:40:25

i felt comfort reading your post op as i feel the same so good to know that i am not alone. i have always been a loner/self contained although it has gone too far now as i always used to have a few really close friends and for varying reasons i don't anymore and can feel really lonely at times even though i have a busy life which i love. a few close friends live the other side of the world and my (ex) best friend....we fell out terribly a good few years ago and doubt we will ever see or speak to each other again, broke my heart really but no going back. very hard to meet the right new people now. i have had the opportunity to build new friendships over the years but they have never felt right. i would prefer to be on my own than have alot of surface friendships with women i don't feel i have anything in commone with sad. noone ever seems to cross my path that i want to have a close friendship with, i miss that...... you're not alone op

VampyreofTimeandMemory Thu 12-Jun-14 23:45:19

it just baffles me when people talk about making great friends at toddler groups/school/exercise classes, etc as I do these things and the most that happens is a friendly chat, I just don't know how they do it!

Lushlush Sat 06-Sep-14 07:25:01

I never made any friends at toddler group places as I found them very dull places to start with. I was only ever going for ds's benefit.

Zippidydoodah Sat 06-Sep-14 08:19:30

It's not that hard to make friends at a toddler group... After a few weeks you invite them for a coffee after the group.

If it bothers you that much not having friends, then go out and make some. I understand it's hard/impossible if you're cripplingly shy. But you have a choice here: friends or no friends.

Zippidydoodah Sat 06-Sep-14 08:24:21

Sorry- that sounds really harsh! blush

tobysmum77 Sat 06-Sep-14 08:29:17

I think it is hard to make real friends at toddler groups tbh. People to have coffee with, yes...... But they don't necessarily become friends.

badfurday Sat 06-Sep-14 08:40:08

I'm the same as you op.
The poster who said about her wedding was me completely. My lovely sis in law tried to organise a hen do but no one wanted to come out of my very limited circle of "friends".

I have really good work colleagues who i consider friends, but to them I'm just a colleague if that makes sense?!

I have an amazing husband and lovely daughter. I am terrified of baby groups though as I'm sure I'll find them depressing and no one will make friends with me. So I just avoid the situation.

It gets me down sometimes but other times I think I can't be arsed with the hassle!

Sorehead Sat 06-Sep-14 08:50:27

I know exactly how you feel, and my wedding/ hen do were the same- I had family on my side, and a few people who I used to work with that I've vaguely stayed in touch with, and they were only invited out of a feeling I should have some more people on 'my side'. When DH goes out, I often feel sorry for myself about it, especially at the moment with pregnancy hormones floating round. He has a huge group of friends and so doesn't really understand why I'd love to have a dog.

Whilst not nice to hear others feel like this, it's comforting to know I'm not the only one.

Lushlush Sat 06-Sep-14 09:21:34

Well I can't get out for the evening to start with and meet people plus I work at home. I have no more access 'breaks' as ds's father became violent and I have no family support at all. I could pay for a babysitter but money is tough enough as it is with little or none spare from month to month.

I work at home and it is very hard to meet likeminded people. Just because someone is a parent does not mean we will automatically have things in common or get on like a house on fire.

It is just a long life alone if you ask me!

Zippidydoodah Sat 06-Sep-14 09:26:22

Lush- meet up with online friends? Mumsnet local? sad

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