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to tell him to feck off? He is still out since Friday, I have been crying all day and at the end of my teather now

(103 Posts)
Paranoidandroid2 Sat 07-Jun-14 21:23:00

My partner has a history of going out with his mates, telling me he would be back by midnight and stumbling in drunk at 5 am or the day after. I woke up this morning and he was not there, he texted me to say he is at his mates and 'needs this'. Well, I certainly do not need this and texted him to tell him not to come back. He stayed at his mates all day and did not try to make amends. I was so exhausted crying and physically hurting, he betrayed my trust again. I called him around 6 pm to ask when he was coming back to get his things, as I wanted to be out then. I was also worried as he did not call or text for several hours by then. He told me what he did was not so bad and I was overreacting and he was not going to apologise again (he texted 'sorry' in the morning. He put the phone down but then texted that he is a twat but he never cheats and would never hurt me. I texted to say he had hurt me and would he want to be with someone who behaved like him, because I would not. He texted 'sorry' again. I texted that I wanted to put the house on the market next week and he said he would have to think about it.

I know this is all jumbled up but I am so upset, we have been together for over three years and it never has come to this, he would come back and apologise. He only goes out every month or so, sometimes more, but last time he came back and told me he was an alcoholic and would stop drinking. That was three weeks ago.

Before you ask, he has lots of redeeming features, he is lovely and helpful and does a lot for me, including helping with raising my 10yo DD. We are both working, in our early 30s. Is this how a 31 yo partner should be? I know he loves me and will apologise, but this has shaken me up and just wanted to ask if you think I should LTB.

WhereYouLeftIt Sat 14-Jun-14 16:47:42

"I am repulsed by his lack of respect to me. Is counselling even worth considering?"
You are right to be repulsed, and no, counselling isn't going to be worth a damn here. That only has a place when those being counselled WANT to change but don't know how to. He really doesn't want to change sad.

Now would be the time to take your focus off him and to place it on you and your daughter. Those saying that this is not modelling good relationships are absolutely correct. What do you want for her? This?

Oh, and your frenemy friend, who asked you if you thought you were controlling - she's a twat. Or maybe her relationship is so shit yours looks good in comparison. Either way, her opinion (that you "have a good man" ) is wrong, and her advice, that persuaded you to "let it go", should be ignored.

Rebecca2014 Sat 14-Jun-14 16:52:18

How do you know he isn't cheating? he goes out and doesn't bother coming home or answering your calls. He is showing what is important and it most certainly is not you, I hope you don't have any children by him!

HolidayArmadillo Sat 14-Jun-14 17:00:35

Oh god get rid. There is nothing more self obsessed than a coke user, I do have experience of this. He will never change, not whilst he can come back to you, act contrite and you will roll over and let him back. You're setting yourself up for years of heartache. There is an outside chance that being firm now may in the long term lead to him being the man you hoped he was but whilst he's still having his cake and eating it? No chance.

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