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To think there is no need to comment like this on Facebook?

(77 Posts)
LogicalPreference Sat 07-Jun-14 17:50:11

I am good and close friends with two women - friend A and friend B. They are good friends too through me but they aren't close if that makes sense.

Me and friend A socialise a lot with our partners as we all get one really we'll with each other. Friend A asked us out for dinner last Friday and tagged us in the restaurant. Friend B commented saying where was her invite.. She tried to make it sound jokey but I think it was rather passive aggressive.

She has been a little off with me since. Aibu to think that when you go out you don't always have to include every single person (except if you are purposely excluding someone which is not the case here)

Also if she did have an issue aibu to think she could have spoken to me privately and fb is not the place?

ThingsThatShine Sun 08-Jun-14 20:49:35

How is it rubbing her nose in it? People should realise they are not the centre of everyone's lives and it's normal for people to be doing other things with other people. Don't see how mentioning (whether on FB or in person) going out for dinner is rubbing anyone's nose in anything.

IwinIwin Sun 08-Jun-14 20:27:51

TheLastThneed , it was hard, I let myself get screwed a lot first. That must have been an awful email to read, very accusing I'm sure. I'm sorry.

But Jonas, doesn't the idea that any fb post is rubbing someone's nose in it apply to a lot of posting on fb? I feel a bit of an ache when people post about being pregnant because I'm finding it hard to get that way, that doesn't mean their rubbing my face in it. My friend does a food blog a day on hers and links to food pictures she's eaten out, should my friend with an eating disorder feel her nose has been rubbed in? My cloest friend is recently single yet another has just got engaged, is the engaged on rubbing the nose in?

In all cases it may appear as 'yes' but that doesn't mean they are rubbing your nose in it, in all of those cases the receiver is being unreasonable- including myself.

And I don't get how it's rubbing her nose in it in a logistical way? Friend B is only really friends with the OP, not so much with friend A. As someone pointed out the reverse from friend A's POV would be: AIBU to be annoyed, I arranged a double date with my best friend and she invited along someone who I'm not that close to- this woman and I have only hung out a few times together and I wanted time with my best friend.

Why would it rub her nose in it? Equally then, did it rub every other friend the OP has and the ones friend A has then because they too should have been invited? I don't like facebook check-ins but there are a lot of ways in which someone could be seen to be rubbing someone's nose in something- in those cases 50% of fb activity would cease if people stopped being social on these networks and only the 'like-whoring' would be left/

JonesRipley Sun 08-Jun-14 20:03:05

sorry Random


"She's entitled to comment on FB just as you are entitled to post on it. If you didn't want to run her nose in it, you shouldn't have posted your details on FB"

JonesRipley Sun 08-Jun-14 20:02:05


I agree with that.

JonesRipley Sun 08-Jun-14 20:01:05

I don't think people should have to invite other people to everything, but talking about it in front of others is inconsiderate. And tagging on FB is a bit show-iffy, Imo (but then I don't see the need for this kind of thing on FB)

OTOH, if I felt hurt, I've more pride than to let on. She didn't get an understanding response from you, did she/ Even when she did it jokingly

TheLastThneed Sun 08-Jun-14 19:55:42

Sorry to hear that you've been on the receiving end IwinIwin. I'm pleased that you're in a strong position now.

I forgot to call the friend I no longer see one night and she wrote me a really nasty email. She wrote all her feelings down and sent it by accident. We got past that, but I guess we never really recovered from it.

ThingsThatShine Sun 08-Jun-14 13:43:44

B is being silly.

Of course you can't always socialise with all of your friends every single time and there should be no expectation of being automatically invited to a dinner where you're just with one other plus partners!

If you were having a large gathering with everyone and just excluding her, normal for her to be pissed off. But that's totally different.

In this case she is being needy and possessive and she is being u. YANBU.

IwinIwin Sun 08-Jun-14 11:11:14

TheLastThneed , sounds like you are better off without to be honest. I know how much it hurts to be ignored, I ended up cut off by a friend though it too was a different situation, she was a user in that she would cut off when i a relationship and be a shitty friend. I was glad to finally say it had run it's course and then to be the one to refuse to reconnect when she broke up again.

musicalendorphins2 Sun 08-Jun-14 10:51:40

There is nothing wrong with A inviting you out, nor with what B posted. People do post comments like that all the time, especially if you went to a place they like. I saw my son was out with friends for dinner, one of the friends mom said/posted (jokingly) something similar to what your friend posted, and I almost did as well, but felt they could take it seriously... when I only meant it in an "I love that place too way".

gobbynorthernbird Sun 08-Jun-14 10:00:50

All the PP who don't like facebook, you do realise that if friend B is upset, she'd be upset however she found out? Should OP and friend A never mention that they've been out for dinner, or keep plans secret? Because that would be bitchy, sneaky, and deliberately excluding B.

Sicaq Sun 08-Jun-14 09:47:58

I think it is more childish to think that you have to have ALL your friends around you at every single social event. Adult social circles are more dynamic than that. YANBU. And personally as friend B I wouldn't have wanted to be the extra person at a table of couples ... always awkward.

And enough with the "stop using Facebook, then" comments! The OP was not "AIBU to use Facebook?"

MyLatest Sun 08-Jun-14 09:35:52

I think Facebook is a really weird, in your face way of making a private invitation to one other couple. I can see why your other friend felt excluded even if she didn't have the right to an invitation. Just send a text next time or a PM and no one else will even know.

Ilovexmastime Sun 08-Jun-14 09:31:48

Yanbu. Either it was a joke, in which case it's obviously not funny and should have been accompanied by a winky face to make it clear it was a joke, or she's genuinely upset that she wasn't invited, in which case she is not emotionally mature enough to handle being on Facebook.

Are people really suggesting that the op should have invited her? Then we'd have had friend A on here: Am I Being Unreasonable to think this is rude? invited friend a out for dinner, was really looking forward to a good catch up with her and her dh but now she's invited friend b too... should I say anything?
I'm sure there would be a whole thread of people telling the op that friend a had been rude.

heraldgerald Sun 08-Jun-14 09:10:29

Facebook sucks. Go on, admit it.

calmet Sun 08-Jun-14 08:17:26

Part of growing up is learning that friends do things in different combinations of people, and that you don't always have to be invited to everything. Yes it may still hurt you, but that is your issue.

TroyMcClure Sun 08-Jun-14 08:11:12

Or. Are you the eternal arranger and he other woman a leech?

princessconsuelobananahammock Sun 08-Jun-14 08:10:16

So in were fine, she might have initially felt a bit miffed but was probs v quickly over it!!

princessconsuelobananahammock Sun 08-Jun-14 08:09:04

Got to admit to sometimes feeling a bit sad (not quite the right word for the emotion but can't express it better!) if I see this sort of stuff on FB but I v quickly check myself! It's fine to do things separately with different people. I do it too so it is unreasonable of me to sometimes feel a bit left out!! Irrational I know!

Randomeclectic Sun 08-Jun-14 08:02:42

She's entitled to comment on FB just as you are entitled to post on it. If you didn't want to run her nose in it, you shouldn't have posted your details on FB

Tangerinefairy Sun 08-Jun-14 07:30:02

For the most part I have loads of fun on fbook. I totally get that it can be divisive but it is a fantastic way to keep in touch with far away friends and family. I used to live in America when I was younger and fbook has allowed me to keep in touch with all my American friends, as a result they come and visit me and vice versa. It's lovely!

LoveBeingInTheSun Sun 08-Jun-14 07:28:50

I think it sounds like a joke tbh

Tangerinefairy Sun 08-Jun-14 07:23:58

Maybe she was having a bit of a sensitive day. I've been hurt a few times in the last month by things friends have done and all my friends are lovely people and would never mean to do so. No doubt I've said and done small things that have hurt them too. Some days you don't even notice stuff and other days if you are feeling sensitive things can get to you. If you are good friends usually I'm sure it will blow over.

saintlyjimjams Sun 08-Jun-14 07:18:39

It sounds like a joke to me. Why would you think she was being PA?

oohdaddypig Sun 08-Jun-14 07:17:22

That's why I dislike FB.

No, you should be able to meet for dinner separately. But friend B was hurt, and I would be too.

Why do grown adults need to post what they are up to and 'tag'. My guess is that they do it to say "look at how fabulous my life is' also in the knowledge that this means others aren't invited.

So no one can be surprised when another friend is hurt.

You all sound childish - sorry!

TheLastThneed Sun 08-Jun-14 06:56:12

Iwiniwin, we were all good friends so not really the same.

The situation hasnt really been resolved. I still see one of them, very occasionally, but I know I cant force people to like me so the other friendship has run its course.

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