To make contact with my ex best friend?

[frankie80]

I fell out with my ex best friend / former colleague over 2 years ago now.

basicallly I felt I was putting more into the friendship and she was posting all sorts of things on Facebook that were clearly about me.She took everything the wrong way and was always cancelling meet ups, often when I was already there and then felt like a real idiot.

But I do miss her, especially lately as I'm now going through a few things she went through in the past so I feel she is the only one who would understand and be able to advise.

Although I feel I was right to be angry with her, at the same time I realise now I could have handled it better as in my anger I said nasty things. Also, I haven't got any close friends now that I dropped her.

I've thought about making contact again but I'm scared too, DH thinks I should move on and that she isn't the 'right' friend for me.

What do MNetters think?

[expatinscotland]

Move on.

[ICanSeeTheSun]

I agree with your DH move on.

[MaddestOfTheHatters]

Being in the same position myself, I'm inclined to say move on. You probably miss the idea of her and the close friendship through difficult times more than her as a person.

[WeAreEternal]

I agree with Maddest I think you miss the idea of a best friend and someone to talk to rather that her.

It's been two years, if she hasn't made an effort she is obviously not bothered so you shouldn't waste anymore time on her.

[BonjourMinou]

Move on.

[Tinkerisdead]

I ditched a friend of 20 years, shes on twitter so i see the life shes leading if i look her up and think i should make amends. But then i think of all the reasons i ditched her. Move on!

[StillStayingClassySanDiego]

Leave it, she's probably moved on and there's potential for her to give you a bit of a verbal kicking and leave you more upset.

[frankie80]

We have mutual friends so I do hear how she's getting on. I thought about congratulating her on her new baby, maybe just sending a card? Or to just leave it? I don't know.

Also, she keeps blocking and unblocking me on Facebook (as we have mutual friends one day I can see her comments on their page and the next day I can't). It's like she wants me to see or something

[HecatePropylaea]

I wouldn't bother.

You moved on for a reason and it sounds like a good one. cryptic comments on bloody facebook is dickish behaviour and constantly cancelling is rude.

Apart from that though - what makes you think she would want to be your advisor anyway? Think about it from the other side - your friend says nasty things to you and dumps you, (deserved or not although from her pov I bet she'll think not. People rarely see the truth of their bad behaviour) then comes back and says I'm going through stuff you went through, will you listen to me and advise me?

I'd tell them to piss off. Wouldn't you?

[wheresthebeach]

Leave it. You miss 'a friendship' not her friendship. Make the effort to find new friends; don't find old dysfunctional ones.

[expatinscotland]

FGS! Block her on FB, that's it then, she can't unblock you anymore and MOVE ON. She sounds like a flighty flake.

[Lilaclily]

Leave it
You'll always feel bitter about the lost 2 years

[maggiethemagpie]

I have a similar situation - fell out with a friend of 10 years standing 2 years ago, she stopped making any effort and I began to feel like she was taking the piss. The crunch came when she barely acknowledged my daughter's birth, sending me a card two weeks later when with my son a few years earlier she'd been texting me every day in hospital, came round to see us the day after we got home from hospital with loads of gifts etc (not that it's about the gifts, it's about the effort).

I still see her socially every now and then, and sometimes get the urge to try and patch things up but then remember there's no point as she doesn't actually give a crap, and then I ask myself why I want to bother with someone who doesn't want to bother with me. That usually snaps me out of it.

You need to move on, or you'll only be disappointed again by this person

[Trooperslane]

It's a move on from me too.

Seems like she's still playing games.

Life is too short for that crap.

[Aeroflotgirl]

There is a reason why she us your ex friend. When you feel like contacting her, think of why you are not in contact anymore. Move on!

[CoffeeTea103]

I agree with others, to just move on. She might have moved on too, and the friendship that you are hoping for might leave you more upset than before.

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

Are these issues personal and the sort that make you feel vulnerable in the first place?

I'm now going through a few things she went through in the past so I feel she is the only one who would understand and be able to advise.

It could be risky getting back in touch when you might lay yourself open to upset. And if she has her hands full with a new baby chances are she might not make the time for supporting you.

[IwinIwin]

She keeps blocking and unblocking? Passive aggressive attempt to get your attention. Obviously she hasn't changed at all OP, so really I wouldn't bother.

[PixieofCatan]

Leave it. I feel it with a group of friends and felt awful about it, five years in I still occasionally think that I should get back in touch but I remember how crap they made me feel and realise how not worth it it is.

[Icelollycraving]

Don't do it. Move on.

[wouldntitbenaice]

When you dropped her did she ask you why or try to understand? Friends have dumped me out of the blue and I have been mortified and left with no explanation. I would be wing to apologise if it was any of the things that you accuse her of...