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AIBU?

To be very upset how my friends have behaved towards me following an accident?

39 replies

Whyisitalwaysraining · 07/06/2014 12:32

Long term poster but have name changed.

I was recently involved in an accident on my way to work. Thankfully I was not really seriously injured, but it was serious enough that I was taken to A&E in an ambulance and I sustained some injuries that still have not healed (the accident was a month ago) so I have been in some discomfort for the last month since the accident, not to mention that it has shaken me up a bit so I have been feeling a little down.

As I say, I am very lucky that my injuries are basically just superficial and will fully heal in time and there should not be any lasting damage, so I am trying not to make a mountain out of a mole hill, for example I went back to work as soon as I could and have just got on with things.

When the accident first happened I told my family and close friends, and all my friends sent me the usual "oh no sorry to hear that, get well soon" kind of message back. However, since then not one of the six or seven women who I would consider to be my close friends have bothered to call or text to check how I am. Not one text in a whole month.

The wife of one of DP's friends (who I haven't known very long) popped round with some flowers and I was so touched I almost cried. It was so thoughtful of her and completely unexpected, it really meant such a lot to know that someone cared. My Mum, MIL, DP and my boss have also all been really sweet.

AIBU to be a bit upset that none of my "close" friends have bothered to get in touch? I like to think I am a thoughtful person myself, and I would always sent a card if one of my friends was very sick or injured.

This has made me think I should re-evaluate my friendships a bit, and perhaps focus a bit more energy on the lovely lady who popped round with the flowers who is not someone I really know that well, only via our partners.

AIBU?

OP posts:

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VivaLeBeaver · 07/06/2014 12:42

If you've gone back to work and the injuries were only superficial they are probably just assuming that everything's fine.

FeelLikeCrying · 07/06/2014 12:45

Sometimes people just don't know what to do or say. As my health deteriorates I find that even my close friends ask my parents/family/DP rather than me direct.

mommy2ash · 07/06/2014 12:46

how close are You to these friends if you haven't spoken in a month-? anyone I would consider myself close to I would chat at least a few times a week to

popcornpaws · 07/06/2014 12:46

No YANBU, i know everyone is busy etc but it really wouldn't take much effort if they cared about you to get in touch.

Quite often its at times like yours or if you've suffered a bereavement etc that you find out who your true friends are.

TroyMcClure · 07/06/2014 12:47

Yup. They aren't mates. I think you learn on maternity leave who from your work colleagues are really your friends

Whyisitalwaysraining · 07/06/2014 12:47

I don't have anyone I chat a few times a week to, except for DP. They are the closest friends I have. Maybe I am being too dramatic, but the whole thing has made me feel pretty down.

OP posts:

WiIdfire · 07/06/2014 12:49

I suspect they just dont realise it was as bad as it was. If you said 'superficial injuries' that could cover a whole range of things. If they havent seen you they wont know you are still uncomfortable and shaken. It would be a shame to lose friendships over a misunderstanding.

iwasyoungonce · 07/06/2014 12:49

You sound very needy, sorry. Do you think this accident has shaken you, and your emotions are affecting your judgement?

If my friend was in an accident, after checking she was OK, finding that she was, and was back at work, I wouldn't think to send flowers or check up on her either.

Some people are particularly prone to grand gestures of thoughtfulness (the wife of your DP's friend, for example) - but I don't think this is a necessary prerequisite of being a "good friend".

YABU.

OwlCapone · 07/06/2014 12:49

I agree with Viva. Especially if you've downplayed it by saying youre fine and the injuries were superficial.

TuttiFrutti · 07/06/2014 12:49

People are busy. They may have meant to send a card, but then something happens and they get distracted, and then three days go by and they think "oh, she must be better by now, it's too late to send a card now".

Also, if you are back at work they probably assume the accident wasn't that bad.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 07/06/2014 12:50

Very odd behaviour- even if there were no injuries at all i would expect friends to at least ask if i was ok. No excuse not to really. A simple text to let the person know you are thinking of them.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 07/06/2014 12:51

You dont sound needy at all OP

Rhine · 07/06/2014 12:52

What do you expect them to do though? You've said yourself that the injuries were not serious. They sent texts when it happened asking if you were ok when it happened, what else could expect from them?

I think you are being a bit unreasonable.

AlpacaLypse · 07/06/2014 12:53

I think if I were one of your group of friends, after the initial 'sorry to hear' text/phone call, and if I knew you were back at work, I'd save asking how you are for the next time I run into you in the normal course of events.

Sorry OP, I think you're overthinking this a bit and yabu.

VivaLeBeaver · 07/06/2014 12:55

But they did ask if she was ok. OP states they all texted to see how she was initially.

Its just that they haven't done it again.

I had a car accident and people asked me once if I was ok. I said yes, didnt get asked again and didnt expect to be asked again.

DoJo · 07/06/2014 12:55

anyone I would consider myself close to I would chat at least a few times a week to

Really? That sounds like a very narrow definition of closeness!

OP - do they know what your injuries were? Have you been posting on FB or similar so that they at least know you're on the mend? It sounds like maybe they are unaware of how affected you have been, or under the impression that things aren't that bad.
I have been to A and E in ambulances a few times, and for many of those I wouldn't go out of my way to tell people because the results weren't too bad, so perhaps they think that because you've got on with things you are actually on the mend more than you really are.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 07/06/2014 12:55

"Hi, how's the knee/arm/neck/shoulder doing?"

Not hard. Took 5 seconds.

gamerchick · 07/06/2014 12:55

I wouldn't expect cards and stuff for an accident.. A life changing one perhaps.

I often have accidents and break things or other pain in the arse stuff but I've never gotten a card.

Has the accident really shaken you up? Does your friends know how much it has upset you if it has?

ICanSeeTheSun · 07/06/2014 12:56

I would be checking if a friend was coping back at work.

I assume it was a RTA, if so I would be asking how she is coping with no car, does she need a hand with shopping ect.

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 07/06/2014 12:57

If it was superficial and you're back at work I'd be assuming you were fine unless told otherwise in some way.

Nobody assumes someone else is suffering MH issues or shock, or things. We all just assume everything's always fine. Sometimes to get help you have to make the first effort, then assess friendships based on that.

MrsCripps · 07/06/2014 12:58

How often do they usually text you/meet with you etc

Whyisitalwaysraining · 07/06/2014 12:58

I do not expect gifts / cards etc. As I said above, the bunch of flowers I did receive were completely unexpected.

A text / call would have been nice. That is all I am saying.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 07/06/2014 12:58

It's a two way thing though. Have you bothered to get in touch with your friends? Sent a text or anything?

If not, then I agree with others that they probably think you're fine now and over it.

I really would not focus your attention on the lady you don't know very well, just because she popped round with some flowers.

Some people are just like that. I've got a friend who for example, visits everyone in hospital...even neighbours that she hardly even knows - this is just the way she is.

By all means think about becoming friends with this lady, but I wouldn't do it because of the flowers. Nor would I compare her to my non flower sending friends because of it.

Hope everything heals quickly

Needadvice5 · 07/06/2014 12:58

Are you on FB? have you been giving little updates on there? If they are good friends I find it strange they haven't been in touch for a month!

its rare I see my best friend at the moment as she's busy with her career/trying to finish her disatation whilst I'm busy with my dc/my career but when I fell and broke my leg 2 weeks ago she visited me in hospital the following day with flowers and treats!

Maybe you need new friends!

thebodylovesspring · 07/06/2014 12:59

Some not nice replies. Being in an accident makes you feel very vulnerable op so of course you feel needy! Why the bloody hell shouldn't you?

I expect your friends just don't realise how it's affecting you and arnt bring intentionally mean.

The lady who brought the flowers may have had a different experience do understands more.

Hope you feel stronger soon.

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