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To take some rent from DD

(84 Posts)
Jayne35 Fri 06-Jun-14 19:17:17

DD starts her first job soon, it's an apprenticeship so not fantastic money but more than I got for my first job - around £95 a week. I have asked that she pay £20 a week towards housekeeping costs and still do some jobs around the house if I ask (DH and I both work 40+ hours a week).

Is it now unreasonable to ask DC's to contribute? My XH has been telling DD her wouldn't take any of her wages or ask her to do chores etc the dole dossing entitled fuckwit which is really pissing me off and I think DC's should get used to 'paying their way' before moving out.

littlegreengloworm Fri 06-Jun-14 19:18:37

I think I would. She wil respect things more and 20 pound isn't a lot for board and keep.

DragonMamma Fri 06-Jun-14 19:20:07

I think 20% of her take home is fair, more to teach her that life isn't cheap!

EatDessertFirst Fri 06-Jun-14 19:21:11

I used to give my mum £5 per week when I started working at 15yo. I was earning about £35 per week.

YWNBU. It was a good life lesson for me.

mrsmopps Fri 06-Jun-14 19:22:49

totally fair. It still leaves her with 75 pounds a week for pocket money. I assume you will still be providing food?
my DH parents used to take all his wages when he was an apprentice and give him £20 a week shock

Bearbehind Fri 06-Jun-14 19:23:02

A friend of mine has a daughter who's just starting working. She charges her £100 a month but plans to save it up and give it back to her when she wants to move out.

It sounds like a great idea to me if you can do without the additional income. DD understands the cost of living better and will get a surprise windfall when she really needs it.

Mrsjayy Fri 06-Jun-14 19:24:39

I gave my mum money too I dont take money from my dd she onky worjs 2 days but she does buy shoppinging her own toiletries and runs her car its really up to you certainly nothing wrong with it

RazzleDazzleEm Fri 06-Jun-14 19:24:56

yes i think its a good idea definalty and will only benefit her esp if you can give her some money back for deposits can do no harm at all.

softlysoftly Fri 06-Jun-14 19:25:52

I wouldn't charge my DCs unless they needed to learn or the home needed the money. So if (as it sounds here) she is starting on her way in employed life then I'd be happy to sub her and encourage her to save.

If she was dossing about the house signing on or not making any effort I'd start charging to prompt a plan for the future.

My DPs never charged any of us and we have all worked since 16 and been career focused so I don't think not charging teaches laziness.

DHs (Asian) parents had all his siblings at home until they married (DBiL still at home at 26) and as a result they have all managed to buy their first home and car because of the savings they made and support their DPs in retirement.

Mrsjayy Fri 06-Jun-14 19:26:27

Now dd is getting freelance work so earning a bit more she pays for sky because she wanted thd package upped

DomesticSlobbess Fri 06-Jun-14 19:26:57

From what I can remember, I think I paid around £50 a month to my parents when I had a part-time job. And at the time I earned less a week than your DD.

Once I started full-time I paid £100.

I didn't do any chores though but the money was more about learning to pay my way once I had a job. And spending that £50 a month, having a dinner everyday and my washing done for me I know I was lucky was a hell of a lot better than the £500 a month I paid once I moved out to the tiniest "studio" flat I've ever seen on top of buying my own food and doing my own chores! Was a bit of a shock!

wintersdawn Fri 06-Jun-14 19:27:34

I had this when I started my first job, not Saturday but first full time, it was always understood we got our first two paycheques to ourselves but after that it was £20 a week towards the house.
Our situation was different and my parents didn't need the money it was to teach us budgeting and in truth think it all got spent back on us over the years with this and that but I never resented it and it did help me learn to budget.

Mrsjayy Fri 06-Jun-14 19:27:54

Sorry im not meaning to be a pain I am posting too soon dd is also saving to move out so if I took money she couldn't afford to save

Nanny0gg Fri 06-Jun-14 19:29:08

I must admit I didn't take any money until 'proper' wages were earned. So as soon as out of training.

But I have always expected help in the house on top of them doing their own ironing and room cleaning.

TheReluctantCountess Fri 06-Jun-14 19:30:44

Absolutely fine.

Madlizzy Fri 06-Jun-14 19:31:06

I think it's fine. She's got plenty left to spend on whatever she wants. You're going to get a lot of people disagreeing though, as they think that no way should you charge board ever.

Jayne35 Fri 06-Jun-14 19:32:43

To be honest I pay quite alot to the CSA as DS moved in with XH a couple of years ago and my wages aren't that high so yes I could do with the money (it would replace the child benefit). DD is bought all her food, toiletries, hair dyes and make-up as well as coming out with DH and I regularly for meals/nights out (she is 18 now but seems to prefer our company, which is nice). Not sure she will ever move out though.....I can see her still living with us at 40 wink

Nonotthatagain Fri 06-Jun-14 19:33:08

My DS took a year out last year before uni and we told him we'd expect him to pay every week from 1st Sept - he got a minimum wage job and has paid since, DD1 is leaving college soon as she has been told them same and is happy to do that.
We worked out the amount by adding child benefit + tax credits we no longer get for them. I think it is important that they realise when they are adults they can't just expect others to finance them.
Neither of my 2 have complained - DS particularly now realises he's had it easy as in September his room at Uni will cost him £91 pw & doesn't include food!

weatherall Fri 06-Jun-14 19:34:49

It depends on how old she is, how good your finances are and what her long term plans are.

Jayne35 Fri 06-Jun-14 19:37:33

Thanks for all your replies. I kind of thought along the same lines as you Nonotthatagain in that I added Child Benefit and pathetic CSA I receive together but my DH said £80 a month would do, he spoils DD a bit.

ChickenFajitasAndNachos Fri 06-Jun-14 19:38:10

I charged my son a token amount of �5 per week when he was on a low wage. He also babysat his younger brothers about once a month. I gradually increased it as his salary increased. I used some of the money to pay his deposit and some towards a rent a month in advance on a house he is renting with friends.
I think �20 is quite high out of a �95 wage.

hugoagogo Fri 06-Jun-14 19:46:16

Sounds like a good deal (for her)

I paid £60 a week in 1990 and I think I earned about £120. I bought my own toiletries and stuff too.

Jayne35 Fri 06-Jun-14 19:50:19

I used to pay £5 a week to my parents out of £35 YTS earnings. My DD is regularly bought clothes as well as all the other things I listed, so yes I could take less but then I would not have the money to spend on her that I do now. I will probably also end up paying for driving lessons and would certainly help her out with deposits in the future. Also I am still paying for holidays.

DD isn't unhappy about the amount I have asked her to pay, it's just as XH is moaning about it to DC's I wondered how other people felt about it. Personally I think she needs to pay towards not only food, but electric, gas, petrol for lifts etc.

HillyHolbrook Fri 06-Jun-14 19:51:41

I paid my mum a quarter of whatever I earned the time I stayed at home, be it a part time job or my uni placement. In that deal I had to wash my own clothes and tidy round a bit but she provided food and cleaning materials and paid all my bills, aside from my contract which I paid £10 out of 30 of.

It was fair, I didn't struggle, I was happy with it and it taught me how to budget.

HillyHolbrook Fri 06-Jun-14 19:53:09

Oh and I paid for all my own clothes, cosmetics, saved up for my own holidays, trips out, driving lessons etc. That way I was in control of my own finances and chose what money went on what and when.

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