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To be pissed off about this? DP applying for same job as me

(61 Posts)
CiderLover Fri 06-Jun-14 15:21:41

We have just moved in together, I work in a town an hours bus ride, she works a 20 min car drive away, has been working there for 3 years.

As I have moved to her home town I am looking for jobs closer to home.

We were sat having a meal the other night and I told her about this job which is ideal as it is my dream job, something that I have always wanted to do and it's local. She was happy for me.

Today she has emailed asking if it would be ok if she aopplies for the same job.

I said yes (who am I to say no) but now I am regretting it and thinking it's a pretty shitty thing to do given how enthused I was over it.

AIBU? Should I leave it or say something?

She's shown me her application and it's bloody good which makes me even angrier, now I feel guilty for being angry because I said it was fine if she wanted to apply. Arghhhhh

jeanmiguelfangio Fri 06-Jun-14 15:24:58

I think I'd be annoyed. I dont know whether that is U, I just know I would be cross

Fudgeface123 Fri 06-Jun-14 15:26:21


Crinkle77 Fri 06-Jun-14 15:27:01

YANBU. It seems bit of an odd thing for her to do.

wintersdawn Fri 06-Jun-14 15:27:06

I think its odd that she'd even consider applying for something that she knows you had already gone for but also think it says something that you didn't tell her the truth about how you felt when she asked you.
how long you been together?

CiderLover Fri 06-Jun-14 15:27:44

I dont know what makes me more angry, the fact she thinks its ok to do, or she simply hasn't listened to the words coming out about my mouth, being enthusiastic about something I thought would have made her listen. Seriously pissed off

BuildYourOwnSnowman Fri 06-Jun-14 15:28:03

I don't think you're unreasonable. It suggests her career is more important than your relationship.

If my dp told me about his dream job I would be hoping he got it not thinking 'that sounds like my dream job too'

Although this may be the downside of pursuing the same career as your dp.

CiderLover Fri 06-Jun-14 15:28:17

Just over a year wintersdawn so not very long really

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Fri 06-Jun-14 15:28:54

Bit late

BuildYourOwnSnowman Fri 06-Jun-14 15:28:55

Why did you feel you couldn't say 'no, I would mind if you applied'

MrsTerryPratchett Fri 06-Jun-14 15:29:04

She either:

1) think you definitely won't get it and wants it. Pretty sad indication of her estimation of your skills.

2) doesn't care. LTB.

CoffeeTea103 Fri 06-Jun-14 15:29:28

Karma hey.

Fudgeface123 Fri 06-Jun-14 15:29:53

Sounds like she doesn't give a damn about your feelings. You have told her it's your dream job and she applies for it, I think that's plain awful. I'd be asking myself a few questions about the relationship, the selfish mare!

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Fri 06-Jun-14 15:29:54

.. to contradict yourself now but how peculiar of her.

Hope you get it!

littlegreengloworm Fri 06-Jun-14 15:30:04

Either way, she's putting herself before you.

TurtleyAmazing Fri 06-Jun-14 15:30:40

I don't think YABU

Infact i think it is a really shitty thing to do to you.

Its your dream job and she is trying to compete with you to get it? is it her dream job too?

CiderLover Fri 06-Jun-14 15:31:34

Hmm yeah and then I think about her, she's not a nasty person, far from it. I just dont think she was listening to me when I talked about it (which, yes is just as bad). Feeling glum, was hoping for someone to say I ABU tbh!

cozietoesie Fri 06-Jun-14 15:32:09

It sounds like a competition more than a relationship. I'd be considering my position, OP.

(Oh and by the way - if I was interviewing for that job and clocked that you were partners (guessing you'll apply from the same address) I wouldn't hire either of you.)

ShineSmile Fri 06-Jun-14 15:32:59

Why don't you speak to her?

Maybe she really thinks you won't even make it through to the interview stage?

TurtleyAmazing Fri 06-Jun-14 15:33:26

It reminds me of when you see two children playing together. one picks up a toy and then suddenly the other is desperate to have it.

SallyMcgally Fri 06-Jun-14 15:34:21

Might it depend on circumstances a little bit? Just remembering when DP and I both lived abroad on one income (mine) and were desperate to return to UK. He said he'd like to apply for a job, and I said that was fine and we could swop roles for a while. But then I thought if I applied for that job too then if he didn't get it, maybe I would, and we'd still be able to get back to UK. But my suggestion didn't go down well and I didn't apply (and he didn't get the job, but I probably wouldn't have either tbh) If there isn't a situation like that though then she's behaving pretty meanly.

anotetofollowso Fri 06-Jun-14 15:34:57

What? That is just horrible, never mind unreasonable. Utterly unsupportive. Yes, it's a free world and we can all compete for what we like. But firstly you drew the job to her attention in good faith. And secondly one expects a partner to work towards what is best for everyone in the relationship, not to compete with the same selfish freedom that he/she would if you were a complete stranger. And that is not mentioning that one looks to one's partner for affirmation and support - NOT cold competition. Plus you have made the sacrifice of moving towns for her sake.

This goes beyond reasonable or unreasonable, as far as I am concerned. I find it hard to understand the mindset of someone that goes up against a loved partner for a job, unless there are unusual and excellent reasons for it. But if this is the job of your dreams, and would save you from a two-hour commute each day …well, as I say, to me this is just plainly unpleasant. Mean, in fact.

Good luck OP, whatever you decide.

HappyAgainOneDay Fri 06-Jun-14 15:34:59

So she's applied for a job that you have applied for? She already has a job and you haven't? If she knows that you haven't a job yet, she's being mean and selfish. Red flag, anyone?

CiderLover Fri 06-Jun-14 15:35:13

Not particularly. I know she is desperate to get out of the job she is in.

When I told her about another job I was applying for she said "ohhhh I wanna apply for that too"!

Viviennemary Fri 06-Jun-14 15:36:47

Tell her to withdraw her application. You saw the job first. And next time you see a job you like the sound of keep quiet.

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