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is this a reasonable thing to say

(14 Posts)
oxfordcomma75 Fri 06-Jun-14 13:37:38

After intercourse. Background. Have 3dc. Dc3 was a (happy/not happy accident) dh has accepted dc3 but deep down he would be happier with 2.
So last night the condom came off at some point. He basically said I needed to get morning after pill and if we get pregnant I am getting an abortion.
This made me feel really uncomfortable as I know I could never have an abortion.
Wondering if this was a reasonable response in the circumstances.

Of course it isn't a reasonable response.

If your DH feels that strongly then he needs to get the snip! Condoms are not 100% reliable, we all know that - he sounds like a dick.

cerealqueen Fri 06-Jun-14 13:41:07

Tell him you are done with all that hormone crap and he needs to get the snip, if he can tell you what to do with your body, likewise.
YANBU. He could have been more tactful.

You need a serious conversation about contraception.

LogicalPreference Fri 06-Jun-14 13:41:20

He could have been more sensitive but I don't think it was unreasonable as he probably said it when he panicked.

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone Fri 06-Jun-14 13:50:42

Oh dear. Chat needed.

'What you said was unacceptable. I'll give it to you that it was probably a panic reaction, but let's be clear here:

- Nobody worth the slightest ounce of respect ever attempts to dictate to someone that they would 'get an abortion';

- If you are willing to have sex, you do so in the knowledge that you risk pregnancy. If you are utterly opposed to having a baby, then you owe it to yourself to abstain;

- Your reaction last night begs the very real question - why are you not taking it upon yourself to have a vasectomy - ie taking a surgical option which IS within your control and IS your decision;

- You were a real dick saying that. It'll stay with me a long time.

Alisvolatpropiis Fri 06-Jun-14 13:52:43

I don't think suggesting the morning after pill is unreasonable.

The rest of it was though.

fubbsy Fri 06-Jun-14 13:55:55

Suggesting the morning after pill would not be unreasonable. Demanding the OP to take it is unreasonable. As is ordering her to have an abortion.

SugarMiceInTheRain Fri 06-Jun-14 13:59:36

What Bruno said ^^

I'd be reluctant to have sex with someone with that attitude ever again. It would really affect my opinion of them.

LogicalPreference Fri 06-Jun-14 14:02:20

He hasn't ordered her to have an abortion. She didn't tell him she was pregnant and he physically forced her to go to a clinic.

He probably found it hard to accept having a third child and in that moment he got scared and like I said before he panicked - we're all human and make mistakes and say things in the heat of the moment.

People are so quick to judge others on here and make them out to be terrible people. For all we know he could have suffered postnatal depression.

OP just tell your husband why this hurt your feelings and then discuss how you can both use better contraception,

motherofmonster Fri 06-Jun-14 14:02:41

he was a bit of a twat.

Start looking at information to get the snip done... he shouldnt have a issue with it as he was happy for you to go through a medical procedure to end a pregnancy or the chance of one

WooWooOwl Fri 06-Jun-14 14:22:40

His words were a bit harsh, but if you get the morning after pill it's highly unlikely that you would need an abortion anyway, so he was probably saying it just to stress how much he doesn't want another baby.

If he feels this strongly, which it's fine for him to do, then he should be thinking about a vasectomy.

70isaLimitNotaTarget Fri 06-Jun-14 14:34:29

was DC3 (Happy/Not Happy Accident) a condom-slip conception?

If yes then you are both being unreasonable to rely on this as a form of contraception.

YY he should know how you feel about abortion.
But you should know how he feels about a potential DC4.

Suggesting the MAP - not unreasonable.
Cack Handed delivery of suggestion - definately is.

Alisvolatpropiis Fri 06-Jun-14 17:43:02

To be honest if my dp and I had a contraception mishap when not trying and he said I "needed" to get the morning after pill, I would agree.

I'm amazed people rely solely on condoms though, really I am.

oxfordcomma75 Fri 06-Jun-14 23:11:07

Ok. So at the time of conceiving dc3 I believed I was menopausal. Blood tests had apparently confirmed this. I was also obese thus reducing fertility. We had previous fertility issues and dh was on strong meds which together wrongly made us believe conception was unlikely.
Dh has had a vasectomy but has not yet had all clear hence use of condoms. My menopausal symptoms have cranked up a notch too so conception is really unlikely anyway.
Bit of a storm in a teacup really.
Just abit shocked by the tone of the conversation.

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