to have gone nuts at DD (17). DH and DD think I am!(76 Posts)
DD has years of form for not answering calls and texts from me on her mobile and it drives me crazy. She also views me as her personal taxi as she refuses to get a bus and knows I don't like her walking home late on her own as every week there's a story in local paper about people being attacked. Teenage girls mugging other teenage girls in a recent one. DD plays on this anxiety and knows I will come and get her albeit grudgingly as at her age I think she needs to make her own arrangements. None of her friends live near us and it's a 30 min walk from the closest one down quite lonely roads backing onto fields and woodlands.
Tonight she had something to do at college until 9pm and as the bus station is a 5 min walk from there, I told her to get a bloody bus home! She texted me at 9pm and said she was walking her friend home and could I pick her up from there at 9.30pm. I refuse but she tells me they are already on their way. I duly get to her friends house at 9.30 and text her that I am outside. Wait 10 mins and she does not come out texting her a few more times and trying to call her but of course she does not answer as she puts her phone on silent.
I did not want to knock on the friends door as I don't have much to do with her friends parents since her mother allowed DD to get pissed at her house and with her booze last year, and then had the cheek to call me to come and get her as she was 'ruining their evening' by upchucking everywhere!
I then drive around assuming DD and her friend are not back there yet as all lights are off in the house, expecting to meet them walking back. Can't find them so go back to friends house and beep car horn once thinking that maybe DD and friend are at front of house where I cant see lights and she will hear car horn. Friends mum then opens door and I ask her if DD is there. She tells me neither DD or friend are there. She tries to call friend, friend does not answer so she tells me I've made her a bit worried now which makes me quite anxious too.
I drive down the street again hoping I can see them as I have a massive headache and want to get home. Finally find DD and friend walking down the street smiling away at me, so I stop the car and let rip with some expletives in front of her friend! DD then tells me that she needs to get back to friends house to pick up some shoes so I will have to wait for her some more. No apology for making me wait for her. Just says she did not realise what the time was . I let rip at her in the car -she should think herself lucky she has parents who give a shit how she gets home, she is disrespectful etc, etc. This is after her telling me this morning that I should drop her at college at 1.00pm (because she did not get her ass out bed until 11.00am and needs 2 hours to get ready) as 'you don't have anything else to do'. GGGGRRRRRR. She is the eldest of 4 DC btw.
DH seeing me steaming when I get in says I am making a fuss about nothing!
It would be a bloody long time before she got a lift from me again.
YANBU Send your DH next time, see how he likes being treated with such little respect!
Well - the not answering the phone thing is REALLY frustrating. My dad was like this and it ended up tragically.
However, and I think you obviously adore your DD but I do think you seem a little uptight and beeping the horn, driving round, getting more and more worked up - I could be wrong but you sound very anxious, and a little highly strung. I do think stepping back and thinking "answer your phone if its that important, DD!" would be a good policy here!
If it's a fuss about nothing, let him become the taxi service. I hope you didn't drive her to school this morning.
Cut off the wifi. See how she likes them apples.
YASNBU! I'd have gone absolutely mad, that is not on at all. I wouldn't be giving her lifts anywhere after that and would at the very least have a serious talk with her about respect or the lack of. You're not her bloody slave or taxi and at 17 she's more than old enough to know better. I would be steaming!
but you have made a rod for your own back
YANBU Much of the wild goose chase searching and waiting for DD sounds familiar with my 17 YO. I rarely give mine lifts now and she is quite independent day and night.
Refuse further lifts unless urgent.
YANBU at all. She is using you as a taxi service and since when does a phone not have a clock on it? She should have been where you agreed at the stated time ready to go - with shoes or whatever.
Simple she cannot go out unless you drive her / pick her up so you need to agree the times and place - not her.
It was more than I wanted to get home as I have a splitting headache and expected to be out for 10 mins max not 40 mins! I do also have an anxiety disorder but I kept it in check until friends mother said she was worried as her DD did not answer phone either. This mother lets her DD stay out until 2am and goes to bed before she knows she's even in!
If she were mine, that would have been the last time I ran around after her. I too really hope you didn't driver her to college because "you don't have anything else to do" - I'm guessing you do all the shopping/cooking/cleaning
Time to hang up mums taxi badge love id be fuming let her walk she wont put herself in danger honestly they are not daft if you give them space to work out how to get home
If your DH thinks you are making a fuss about nothing then he can take over the taxi service and if DD thinks you have nothing else to do then I would say get a job, any job, so that you are unavailable.
Not trying to criticize anyone for being an SAHP, am one myself, and if you already have a job then I apologize for inferring that you didn't, but when family take the piss because you are always available it's time to find better ways to spend your time.
Your husband can drive her around if hes not fussed I noticed she is your eldest stop doing it before you are doing it for the rest at 17,
I agree Adora. I am actually a full time university student which I decided to do until DC4 got to school age. I stopped working full time when DD started secondary school as I did not want her to be left to her own devices after school at 11 being too old for afterschool care which she used to attend at primary school. I tried to start my own business but that did not work out so went back into studying.
She has known me going off to work in smart suits but now sees my sole function as being around at her bidding. In fact all of the DCs do. I had an abusive childhood which has fucked me up good and proper and have had a DC die so am much too easy on them and consider their feelings too much.
DH worked 12 hours today so of course I went. I made such a fuss
swearing alot that he said he will do all pickups from now on.
Let your DH play taxi service, he'll soon stop being such an idiot.
She's using and taking the royal piss, you either put up with it and continue to let your DH and DD overrule you and call the shots, or your tell them both to jog on and him to pick her up if he believes her behaviour is right. I give it three times, a week-max.
Stop being such a mug and tell her to get a bloody bus. See if that waits around for her. Shes 17 not 7.
Ha ha, awesome OP, I give it a week-for sure. Unless your DH is one of these that things the sun shines out of his child's arse and will be walked over.
Thank you all for agreeing that IANBU. Thought I was for a second!
I did drop her at college . Silly woman that I am.
Well let him do it then there is nothing wrong in picking teens up btw but she is taking the piss,
I was out at work at 16.
My parents never picked me up - I got a bus or a train. And it would have been a cold day in hell before I treated my mother the way you have been treated.
Bet you don't get much help at home either...
I had similar with DD at that age. I let DH do all the running around (and still do). She behaves much better for him coz she knows he won't take shit.
YANBU! Stop giving your DD endless lifts and letting her speak to you like that! She is 17 for goodness sake. Don't let her manipulate you.
If your DH thinks it's ok, tell him from now on he's the taxi driver. I would be surprised if he didn't change his tune then!
OP she's taking the piss because you let her. YABU to do everything for her and then expect her to behave any differently from this.
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