AIBU to move my daughter out of her double ensuite bedroom into box room for gross untidiness?

[Incandescentrage]

We built an extension 3 years ago, and incorporated 2 double ensuite rooms for our daughters (yep, lucky them). Both are untidy buggers but I can expect that (I was as a teenager) but one is worse than the other, i.e. constantly spills tea on the bed, leaves yoghurt pots under the bed, dirty laundry everywhere, it's manky. But despite begging, asking, shouting etc for her to keep it tidy she won't. I had got to the point where I figured she has to live in it, I don't, just don't go in there. Last weekend my husband noticed that she had gone out and left her bathroom light on and fan going in the middle of the day, so he went in to switch them off. There were used sanitary towels on the bed and in the bathroom sink, yoghurt pots, cereal bowls and mugs scattered liberally about, clothes everywhere, mostly dirty, and the toilet was blocked. The toilet blockage had been so for several days by the state of it, but she had continued to use it, it was full to the brim, took us two hours to unblock it, which involved putting my arm in it away past the elbow to try to shift the blockage, as well as my dh having to faff about with the cesspit.

AIBU to be moving all her stuff into the box room today as a punishment (which has been threatened for the last 3years)?

[DefiniteMaybe]

YANBU

[picnicbasketcase]

YANBU. Make her earn her lovely bedroom back. She's showing no care or respect for her belongings or your house.

[FiftyShadesOfGreen4205]

Yanbu. That is vile and she sounds very spoiled.

[javotte]

YANBU.
Depending on her age I would also charge her for the cleaning and unblocking the toilet.

[MrsMoon76]

YANBU - that sounds disgusting.

[OriginofSymmetry]

Tbh I would be a bit concerned about her state of mind if she can live in a room like that - used sanitary towels on the bed etc sounds extreme. Could she be depressed?

[Whereisegg]

Yanbu, that isn't teenage untidiness, that is absolutely grim.

[SuburbanRhonda]

That level of untidiness seems excessive, even for a teenager.

Leaving aside how disgusting it must have been to have had to unblock the toilet, have you asked her if she is ok? Do you think she might be depressed? I'm thinking about the used sanpro left around for anyone to see - seems like there might be more to it than just teenage laziness.

[SuburbanRhonda]

X-post, origin

[Sallyingforth]

She's leaving the san towels in the sink because she's blocked the toilet with them.
They shouldn't be flushed when you are using a cesspit.

[KneesoftheBee]

I agree that this sounds more than the usual teenager untidiness.

Does she never have friends up in her room? I can't imagine it would be pleasant for anybody to visit.

[SilverDragonfly1]

Yes, I am really thinking depression too. My daughter would live in a similar state if her various carers allowed it (she has borderline personality disorder). I was a dreadfully untidy teen, not that much better now, but that is way beyond 'normal' untidiness.

[DoItTooJulia]

How disgusting!

There is no way I would allow this, so YANBU, at all.

[HecatePropylaea]

I can certainly understand why you are doing that!

Will she be expected to clean up her mess as well? In order to earn the room back?

What has she said about it, now you have seen it? Is it possible that it just got totally on top of her? What are you going to put in place now to make sure she doesn't just transform the box room into another mess?

How is she generally? Do you think it is possible, as others have mentioned, that she is feeling low, or do you think it is extreme laziness that got to the stage where she just didn't know where to start?

[BigRedBall]

Do you ever go into her room? If not, why? Do you talk to her at all?

It sounds like there's more going on here.

[Birdsgottafly]

I would have a sit down discussion.

Provide her with a bin for Towels and dirty clothes storage.

When she gets back, she scrubs it and you check it daily.

If it's over an agreed level, she loses the room.

My DD told tales of unclean girls (in the toilet department) in school and I often wondered what sort of houses these girls came from and why good Sanpro hygiene had not been drummed into them.

[FunkyBoldRibena]

Why didn't you get her to clear it out? Unfucking believe able.

[Catflap1]

That gross! I would move her out straight away and make her bloody clean the old room!

Then I would stop her going out and having any social life at all, as soon as she got home from scho first thing she is to do of tidy and clean the room daily! Along with cleaning bathroom after herself!

I have 3 girls not teenagers yet but at 9 and 11 they are mucky buggers but not to this extent, I found making then clean/tidy has paid off and they now straighten up the bedroom before school in the mornings

[SaucyJack]

YANBU to very angry and to want to punish her for her behaviour.

I'm not sure moving rooms would be the best thing tho. It won't teach her to be tidier- there'll just be more shit in a smaller space.

[ziggiestardust]

That is horrible. Move her into the box room today. If you've been threatening it, you have to carry it out. And if she's depressed, the state of it will be making her worse. It would be easier for her to have a smaller space to keep clean and organised.

[Incandescentrage]

I have worried about her state of mind,tbh. But she is a bubbly, smiley teenager, with lots of friends, and is doing well at school. She has friends for a sleepover from time to time, but I nag her to tidy up before they come and she does. We live 3miles out of town, so her friends don't just drop by. We always have notice if they are coming.

Personally I think it is just laziness.

[CaulkheadUpNorth]

Blocked toilet and empty food wrappers would shout bulimia to me. 15years experience

[ziggiestardust]

I'm assuming she has been provided with a laundry basket and a bathroom bin?

[HelpMeGetOutOfHere]

I would move her. I'm assuming she is just downright untidy and filthy. My boys bedroom is disgusting and every so often I have to stand over them to get them to clean it properly. Finding all kinds of food debris, old underwear etc I'd say wasn't that unusual for a teen. However they need to learn that it's not acceptable.

For us punishment would be not being allowed out until room was acceptable. As no spare room for them to move to. Have threatened to move them into the girls smaller room and let the girls have the big room though.