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To think people shouldn't put RIP announcements on Facebook

(22 Posts)
Picturesinthefirelight Sun 25-May-14 12:13:07

Not until the immediate family have announced it publicly.

A friend of my in laws died yesterday of a terminal condition. They were in the area visiting her at the time.

As soon as the news began to spread people started putting stuff on Facebook. Surely they should wait in case there were important people who hasn't been got hold of yet. Imagine finding out like that.

NotWithoutMyBlankey Sun 25-May-14 12:23:19

Yanbu, I was in a tiny village in Greece when my nan died suddenly, I found out when I went on FB and saw my cousin had put rip nan. I was devastated and spent an hour trying to get through to someone.

javotte Sun 25-May-14 12:28:15

I guessed something was very wrong with my grandmother because of some of my cousins' posts on FB.
My Dad called me the next morning to tell me she had died.

Forgettable Sun 25-May-14 12:38:16

It's the wanting to be first to tell thing

v odd

fifi669 Sun 25-May-14 12:38:45

My gdad was very ill in hospital and my cousin was posting things like he was bleeding from his brain etc. Dsis was just coming up to her final exams for her law degree. We asked the other side of the family to keep it off fb until she had sat them as the posts were making her anxious she should be home.

Gdad died and we still didn't tell her til she sat her exams 3 days later.

Other side thought we WBU with our request but we didn't want to see 3 years hard work down the pan for her.

JamJimJam Sun 25-May-14 12:39:24

I agree, it's very inappropriate sometimes.

tiredbutstillsmiling Sun 25-May-14 14:06:00

To me it's attention seeking and in my experience is often posted by someone who had vague or distant connections to the deceased.

VivaLeBeaver Sun 25-May-14 14:11:09

I know someone who's young dd died and her teen dd put it on Facebook as the Drs were telling the family that CPR had been unsuccessful. So that's ow the grandparents, aunts, and miles, etc found out.

jeanmiguelfangio Sun 25-May-14 14:12:54

YANBU its horrendous, some news should stay where it belongs not on Facebook

Vivacia Sun 25-May-14 14:17:39

My family are under strict instructions to never hide somebody's death from me out of concern.

Vivacia Sun 25-May-14 14:19:33

Back on topic, I think it's just something that we have to accept. There's an awful lot I don't understand and don't like about Facebook and Twitter, and I'm on neither. But, I understand I'm in the minority and a bit reserved when it comes to sharing private business.

arewethereyetmum78 Sun 25-May-14 14:21:45

Totally agree. Absolutely hate it. There was one on my newsfeed last week. The woman who put it on wasn't close to the deceased at all. She had been at school with them 30 flippin years ago. How does that impact her in any way. Felt it was just attention seeking and self obsessed behaviour. The family of the deceased clearly saw it as well as a sibling commented on the post. I've deleted someone recently for similar posts. They would always put on cryptic statuses like "my heart is broken" or "heaven has another angel tonight" etc. It was usually about someone who she only vaguely knew but because they live in a small town she would know the family.


kinkymouse Sun 25-May-14 14:22:53

One if the reasons I came off Facebook was the circus that resulted after my DSis died. Competitive mourning made me sick to my stomach

TheWildOnes Sun 25-May-14 14:24:33

When my Uncle commited suicide, within a couple of hours there were people who barely knew him putting statuses up about it, its awful. People love to be involved.

itsmeitscathy Sun 25-May-14 14:32:20

I have an intense dislike of this, I've found out about a fair few friends' deaths through fb. I now know if someone has died because there is a flurry of picture tagging of old photos etc. it's horrible.
That said, I've posted on friends walls after they've passed away as it is a way of showing the family that I'm thinking about them etc. (I've had cancer and lost a lot of friends through it in case you're wondering why this has happened so often)

twainiac Sun 25-May-14 14:33:13

Ok, a different perspective........
When my MIL passed away DH posted a simple poem followed by 'RIP Mum' on Facebook. We knew all the close family had been informed already. I think he needed to somehow share it, to acknowledge it to the world. And also it was an easier way of letting less close friends and colleagues know.
On the other hand, another relative, who wasn't close,also posted a load of over the top emotional rubbish......
I think it depends on the circumstances.

Skina Sun 25-May-14 14:35:54

YANBU, very poor taste and unacceptable.

Caitlin17 Sun 25-May-14 14:37:46

The more I read about Facebook on here the more inane it sounds.

The use of RIP really annoys me unless it is being used by a practising Catholic with reference to another practising Catholic.

Nunyabiz Sun 25-May-14 14:42:27

Ah yes. The 'grief mongers'.
I know a few. They seem to thrive on the attention.
My mum's cousin runs this family tree website on FB. Constantly announcing people's news before they have had a chance to. I hardly know the weirdo! She posts pictures of my DD (spells her name wrong) and I have to ask her to remove them as she did not ask permission!
She announced my grandfather's passing before my grandmother had a chance to inform his own sister!
YANBU. It's tactless and completely attention seeking.

Chocotrekkie Sun 25-May-14 14:42:50

I remember something from the news I think it was last year. A lad was shot and one of his friends posted about it from the scene, tagged him and that was how his sister and parents found out.

Police didn't get a chance to tell them first.

How awful - how to make a tragic situation even worse..

sonjadog Sun 25-May-14 15:23:54

When my Dad died, I went on fb later that day and my cousin had made an album of photos of him and posted it without my knowledge. First thing I saw when I open facebook was a large photo of him. It felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. She did the same on the one year anniversary of his death.

MistressDeeCee Sun 25-May-14 15:23:58

I agree with you OP.

Its happening more & more lately. I hate seeing it in my newsfeed and am flabbergasted some of my friends are using it as some kind of 'posing' in an I knew him/her well, I knew 1st it seems to me. Worse still, the posts are followed by loads of "sorry for your loss" just seems weird to me...Ive coined a term for it "grief handbagging".

Im from the Caribbean, an aunt I was very close to lives there. When she passed away unexpectedly my dad called to tell me. I was asleep so missed the call...later on switched on FB and saw via news feed that she's passed away. I'll never forget how shocked I turn on the screen and see that. Social network has just turned some people stupidly narcissistic; limelight at all costs, and it makes me sick. I hardly use FB anymore.

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