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To think it's snooty to make a point of not socialising with colleagues

(372 Posts)
Vintagejazz Fri 23-May-14 13:59:57

I'm not talking of people who prefer, most of the time, to socialise with friends outside of work. That's probably healthy and normal.

But I've come across some people who, on some kind of point of principle, refuse to entertain the idea of going to any social event that's work related or to even to just go for a casual drink with a colleague after work. I even know a guy who boasted that in 30 years working he had never been to a retirement do, a promotion celebration or an office Christmas party. He seemed to think that was some kind of admirable achievement.

AIBU to think that it's a bit of a silly position to take and there's no harm in occasionally going to the pub with colleagues to wish someone well in their retirement or even just to have a wind down and a laugh with people you spend so much time with in a work related setting?

Summerbreezing Fri 23-May-14 14:01:26

YANBU. But some people like to adopt this 'I have a life' posture and apparently people who have a life can't waste a second of it socialising with colleagues.

CeliaFate Fri 23-May-14 14:01:41

Yanbu. I used to work with someone who never went on a staff night out, not even retirement. It definitely helps you to bond with your colleagues which has a knock on effect for the business.

Summerbreezing Fri 23-May-14 14:02:38

ps Wonder who'll be first on to say "YABU because I have 3 dcs and no babysitter....." missing your point completely grin

hotcrosshunny Fri 23-May-14 14:04:21

Yanbu I know what you mean

But maybe they're too scared to admit the real reason if there is one (eg alcoholic who is avoiding temptation, no money to socialise, terrified of social events and the list goes on)

natwebb79 Fri 23-May-14 14:05:50

Have to admit I've been a BIT like this in the past as I work long hours and really like to see my friends outside of work when I get the time to socialise. It might be 'just one night out' but it just feels such a waste to spend a rare night out in a bar I can't stand with people I've spent all day with any way. Saying that I've learnt to grit my teeth and go on occasion now (and having DCs has helped with the excuses!).

CrystalSkulls Fri 23-May-14 14:16:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CrystalSkulls Fri 23-May-14 14:17:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Summerbreezing Fri 23-May-14 14:17:51

On the other hand Crystal I have had some really nice nights out with colleagues and along the way have made some friends that I continued to keep in touch with many years after I stopped working with them.

CrystalSkulls Fri 23-May-14 14:18:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MaxPepsi Fri 23-May-14 14:26:16

I no longer socialise with colleagues.

My team is based in a different city, therefore I don't really fit in anyone's 'team' night out.
I drive to work and I completely abstain from a drink when I'm driving and yes, I could have a juice but I would prefer a glass of wine at home with my husband and dog.

Having said that, I have done and will make an effort if I feel it's appropriate to me and some of my closest friends have been because I've previously worked with them.

I do however refuse point blank on principle to go on any 'freebie' work nights out. I've been there and done that and I can't abide the people who get completely out of hand simply because work are paying for it!

DoJo Fri 23-May-14 14:44:20

I never went on any work social outings as I didn't really want to spend any extra time with my colleagues. The few I got on with, I socialised with outside work anyway, and the idea of spending a night out with the rest left me cold.

The 'fun' activity never appealed and the fact that I wouldn't have wanted to talk to them about my personal life left me without much to say. I wouldn't have wanted to drink, but they would mostly have been so that added another element of potential awkwardness to the occasion. I don't think anyone was offended and I certainly didn't make a point of telling them that I didn't want to spend time with them - that's rude regardless of your reasons!

But then I have chosen to be self employed, and much prefer to spend time with people I actually like rather than just happen to work with, so perhaps that's a sign that I am a curmudgeonly old cow.

TheSarcasticFringehead Fri 23-May-14 14:48:38

YANBU. I spend hours every day with my colleagues, seeing them acting as normal human beings outside of our job is probably the only way I can cope! I like going to the bar every now and then with them, office parties or outing and so on, plus go to weddings every now and then. Work is a big part of my life and so are my colleagues.

Germgirl Fri 23-May-14 14:49:05

I don't socialise a lot but I go on the occasional night out or leaving do. A woman I ised to work with once informed me in a sneering tone that "I'm paid to work with you lot but they couldn't pay me enough to socialise with you"
Which I thought was charming.

iolanthefairyqueen Fri 23-May-14 14:52:32

Yanbu but I would be very careful. I used to socialise with my team until I realised they were even more awful outside work than in. It didn't go down well. Apparently I was isolating myself.....

AbbeyBartlet Fri 23-May-14 14:58:12

YABU - I would rather stick pins in my eyes than socialise with colleagues. I used to, many years ago, but have realised that these people are colleagues, not friends. Just because we are thrown together for work, doesn't mean I want to see anything of them outside of work.

As you are being VVVVVU to call it "snooty" - it is just that I have to spend hours with them every week, it is better for me and them that we don't meet up outside work.

BackforGood Fri 23-May-14 15:07:54

This is going to depend so much on your colleagues though, and also what socialising they do.
I agree never going to anything is a bit extreme, but there's an awful lot of people who have their own friends / family / social life outside of work and don't need to rely on work colleagues to socialise with.
You also have to think of all the people that work with folk that are just not their type of people - fair enough, you can be pleasant during working hours and all 'get on' but it's then hardly tempting to want to come back and spend more voluntary hours with them too. Or even if you've just got different things you like to do - if you are a clubber and a big drinker, but they are all rather sedate and sober (or the other way round).


Sounds like my dh. He is not snooty though finds socialising mentally draining because he is a private person and doesnt do chit chat.

MissDuke Fri 23-May-14 15:19:05

YABU! I hated the pressure to socialise with colleagues. For me it was a waste of time, money and effort as I did not have a thing in common with them. The last time I went, I left after an hour as I had such a miserable time. It is unfair to pressure people into doing something they really do not enjoy.

I am now a student and love my peers and happily socialise with them :-D

Summerbreezing Fri 23-May-14 15:19:13

It is snooty abbey if people make an absolute point of not socialising with colleagues no matter what the event eg a really nice workmate who is retiring after many years with the company and would like his colleagues to have a drink with him. Is that too much to ask if you've nothing else pressing on that evening?
Doing the 'oh no, I never go to work dos' thing is, in some situations, not just snooty but a bit unkind.

lylasmam2012 Fri 23-May-14 15:23:56

I have work colleagues that are some of my best friends and we would and always have socialised a lot together (less so now we're all getting married and having kids). In fact I met my husband in work. I'm still close to some people who have left and I will be leaving here soon myself (after 9 years) and will be very sad to leave a lot of the people here and will definitely keep in touch and still socialise. I've even been asked if I want to stay in the social club when I go.

Preciousbane Fri 23-May-14 15:25:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KingJoffreysBloodshotEye Fri 23-May-14 15:25:17

Work outings?

No, no, no!!

I keep work and my personal life very, very separate.

I don't see why that would be a problem.

Daisymasie Fri 23-May-14 15:27:58

YANBU. I can understand that sometimes you might find yourself in a workplace where you just don't have anything in common with colleagues, or where you hate the job so much you just want to get away in the evenings. And I can also understand that very few people want to spend every Friday evening, for example, sitting in the pub with workmates.

But I think the OP is talking about people (and I have encountered them as well) who just have a 'rule' that wherever they work they will refuse to get involved in any socialising, no matter how minor.
To me that is very posed and in many situations seems to be someone adopting a superior attitude of 'I have better and more interesting things to do than all those saddos trekking down to the pub together for Alan's going away drinks'.
It doesn't take much effort to occasionally go for a drink or a meal with people from work - even just a couple of times a year to celebrate a promotion/new job or whatever.

Chattymummyhere Fri 23-May-14 15:32:47

Would not appeal.. Drinking with people who you work with finding out all sorts of things you really didn't want to know.

I would rather be with my dh and kids or out with my friends.

Last work party I attended was in 2009.

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