Advanced search

To think SIL shouldn't phone me when I babysit for her

(509 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

Mrssodapop Mon 19-May-14 19:48:31

I hope I have better luck on AIBU today wink I will try to tell the full story from the start. I have babysat sometimes for my brother, looking after his 3 year old dd which has always been fine except I think his wife is very anxious because she always calls while I'm looking after her daughter. Yesterday I looked after their dd all day and she called about half an hour after leaving her to see if she had settled. I told her she was fine and asked her not to phone again because everything was fine and I wanted to get on with the day with all the kids together (I've got 2). She got upset and asked why she couldn't phone and said she might want to call later in the day to let us know when she's on her way back. I said ok but was irritated by her checking up on me although she said she wasn't checking up on me but that she wanted to feel she could call to see how her dd was. Anyway, she phoned after lunch and I didn't pick up and was busy so didn't call back. I picked up her call when she was on her way back (about 4 hours later) but she was very uppity and was upset that I hadn't returned her call. Today my brother phones furious that I told her I didn't want her to keep on phoning me. In the end I've said I don't want to babysit for them again and now they're really hurt. They're also cross that I didn't put their dd in overalls when she painted and they said her clothes are ruined. There's a big family bbq coming up and I'm dreading it now.

catchingzzzzeds Mon 19-May-14 19:51:56

I think YABU, 3 is little to be left all day I'd want to check in a couple of times too.
I'd probably keep my mouth shut about getting paint on the clothes but I would be irritated.

CundtBake Mon 19-May-14 19:52:06

Yep, YABU.

You were caring for her child, you know she's anxious when she leaves her. Telling anyone they can't phone to check up on their own child is out of order. If I was her id wonder who the hell you thought you were.

littlegreengloworm Mon 19-May-14 19:53:28

Is there more to it soda. I thi I woud have answered the phone calls to be fair.

However the painting thing is not on. You were doing your best and engaging here in an activity and much better than leaving her in front of a TV or that so for them bring ungrateful I would let them pay for care.

Kerberos Mon 19-May-14 19:53:39


catchingzzzzeds Mon 19-May-14 19:53:40

Just occurred to me that this could be a reverse?

jacks365 Mon 19-May-14 19:54:12

With your attitude you wouldn't be caring for my child again. I expect to be able to check up on my child. Ignoring the phone was unacceptable.

Lottiedoubtie Mon 19-May-14 19:54:43


She's anxious, it's about her not you. It wouldn't kill you to reassure someone who's finding separation difficult.

littlegreengloworm Mon 19-May-14 19:55:19

My cm text me regularly when I started off and I appreciated it so much. I am totally understand SIL needing to call. Could you phone and aplogise but make it clear thy need other arrangements in future. That night clear the air.

ChazzerChaser Mon 19-May-14 19:55:52

YABU. If the mum's anxious she needs to know she can call.

jeanmiguelfangio Mon 19-May-14 19:56:22

YABU I ring my mum when she is looking after my dd, im an anxious mum and she doesn't mind. Its not because I dont trust my mum, its because I worry about my baby and need some reassurance

ChaosTrulyReigns Mon 19-May-14 19:56:26

Do you answer the phone in a special time sucking manner? confused

CoffeeTea103 Mon 19-May-14 19:56:37

Wow you were so out of order shockHow can you tell a parent not to check up on their child. No wonder they are furious. You do owe them a huge apology.

jeanmiguelfangio Mon 19-May-14 19:56:54

YABU I ring my mum when she is looking after my dd, im an anxious mum and she doesn't mind. Its not because I dont trust my mum, its because I worry about my baby and need some reassurance

jeanmiguelfangio Mon 19-May-14 19:56:55

YABU I ring my mum when she is looking after my dd, im an anxious mum and she doesn't mind. Its not because I dont trust my mum, its because I worry about my baby and need some reassurance

ThaneOfScunthorpe Mon 19-May-14 19:57:49

YABVU. I wouldn't care about the paint but I would wonder why you hadn't called me back in four hours. I'm surprised they even WANT you to babysit for them again.

elvislives2012 Mon 19-May-14 19:57:52

Definitely YABU!!! You're looking after her child and she can't ring to see if she is ok? Feel sorry for her hmm

eurochick Mon 19-May-14 19:58:35


Liara Mon 19-May-14 19:59:50

Unless she is paying you to babysit YANBU. I would be irritated to be expected to answer the phone 3 times while taking care of 3 children.

But then I don't usually answer the phone anyway.

CrohnicallyHungry Mon 19-May-14 20:00:25

Could you compromise on a few texts, or you phoning her? So she doesn't have to go all day with no contact, but you can phone/text when it's convenient.

If someone was babysitting my DD and didn't answer or call me back for hours, I'd be assuming the worst and be in a right panic.

Having said that, I would have thought it was common sense to remove a child's clothes or put an apron on when painting. I wouldn't have said anything though, other than 'it looks like you've been having a lovely time!'. At the end of the day, better she had a good time and ruined a set of clothes than had an awful time while worrying about keeping her clothes pristine.

Groovee Mon 19-May-14 20:00:34

Is there a back story as to why your SIL is so anxious? I wouldn't look after their child again either as it could come across as not trusting you.

But I think to an extent both parties were being unreasonable.

jeanmiguelfangio Mon 19-May-14 20:01:13

Apologies for the mad posts there stupid tablet

YellowTulips Mon 19-May-14 20:02:37

Surely a reverse?

Otherwise OP YABU.

UncleT Mon 19-May-14 20:02:53

Parents phoning to see how their children are does not equal checking up on you. You owe them an apology.

HicDraconis Mon 19-May-14 20:03:03

YABHugelyU. When I leave my children with a sitter I call at least once to check on them. If I were your SiL I wouldn't mind that you didn't want to babysit again, I wouldn't be wanting you to!

The child is 3, the SiL would like some reassurance that things are ok. Who the hell do you think you are that this is not acceptable? You are massively massively out of order here.

I wouldn't wait to get the calls. If I were looking after a niece or nephew, I'd send regular updates "all fine, hope you are enjoying your day" etc.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now