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Thread about abduction fears. **Message title altered by MNHQ**

(89 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

SEmyarse Wed 14-May-14 20:36:45

Well, may as well, seems they're doomed anyway.

Dd2 is 7, there is a girl who lives just around the corner who she gets on very well with. She is 9. There are also a few other children she plays with who live in the other direction aged between 8 and 10. No-one lives more than 6 houses away. We live on a modern estate in a sleepy village.

We are quite happy for dd2 to play with any of these children, and call for them on her own as long as she asks, and tells us if she's going in anyone's house. The 9yo is not allowed to walk along the road unaccompanied however, and if we let dd2 go in that direction, her mum always brings her back telling dd2 how dangerous it is. Which annoys me. I tell her she mustn't go with someone she doesn't know etc etc, but I really don't want her saying it's 'dangerous' to just walk round the corner.

So either we go with her (which really annoys dd2) or send dd1 (12) with her. For a while she seemed happy with dd1 taking her, but then she started asking for a phone call if all 3 of them came back round here together. When I asked why, dd1 rolled her eyes, and the other 2 said it was in case a nasty man put them in a van! So we tried to phone and she didn't sodding answer! Even when we sent dd1 round to collect something, she insisted on accompanying her back saying it was dangerous. How does she think she gets to school?

A while ago she came round and said 'did you see on the police Facebook page?' no, why would I? Well apparently a child was attempt snatched in the next village. I took this quite seriously, and reiterated expected safe behaviour to the kids and kept a tighter rein for a while. I couldn't find anything on Facebook though, and since then she has alleged 3 more times about various snatching and suspicious behaviour, so I can only assume it's lies, since no-one else seems to know about it.

Several times I have heard the 9yo passing on tips from her mum to dd2 of how to deal with an abductor, and dd2 is very much looking forward to being able to bite someone's hand if he tries to take her.

It's very awkward because she'll bring her dd round to play, but then about 6 of them will want to go to the park, which I'm fine with, but this girl isn't allowed to go without an adult, which is really annoying when we wouldn't usually accompany our own child, if there's loads of them together. It's only at the end of the road.

But now I'm really bloody annoyed. The mum came round while I was at work to see dh, and with no preamble whatsoever started showing him some kind of compilation of videos supposedly of children being taken. Dh was so shocked that he didn't say a thing, but clearly the message is that we're shit parents, and our children will be murdered any day now!!

Icelollycraving Wed 14-May-14 20:39:34


ThreeLannistersOneTargaryen Wed 14-May-14 20:40:06

This mum does sound as though she has an unusual level of anxiety. Although I probably would say that, as my nine year olds walk themselves to school and back.

Icimoi Wed 14-May-14 20:42:11

I think I'd suggest to her that she get some treatment for her obsession. And point out that her kid is in much more danger every time she crosses the road, whether she's with an adult or not.

MrsMaturin Wed 14-May-14 20:42:40

I think there are often facebook circulating 'alerts'. I've never yet seen one which isn't bollocks but some people take it very seriously.
The person I knew who was most freaked out about this kind of thing had been abused as a child. She wouldn't let her 15yr old son go in the mens loos at a shopping centre by himself....(don't ask)
So there's probably a pretty sad reason behind this anxiety.

Ploppy16 Wed 14-May-14 20:43:45

Possibly she had a bad experience when she was younger which has made her hyper aware now she's a parent?
It does sound irritating and she's going to end up passing on her fears to her children and making them paranoid.
Not sure how you could approach that one though.

Uptheanty Wed 14-May-14 20:45:03

I'm offended by your headline op

No we shouldn't feed our kids to Peados & be fine with it regardless of how we feel about over zealous parenting.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Wed 14-May-14 20:45:41

Do what you think is best for your own children but I'd keep them away from that mother if I could. I think she's possibly in need of help. And her child will be too if she carries on like that.

MrsMaturin Wed 14-May-14 20:46:38

Uptheanty - have you had an irony bypass?

Uptheanty Wed 14-May-14 20:48:29

Possibly hmm

Feeling very bothered.....

everlong Wed 14-May-14 20:50:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Uptheanty Wed 14-May-14 20:52:40

It's the headline.

It offends me & I feel it minimises...


Is it just me?

Mintyy Wed 14-May-14 20:53:38

Vile thread title!

everlong Wed 14-May-14 20:53:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mintyy Wed 14-May-14 20:54:04

Absolutely not just you Anty.

Itsfab Wed 14-May-14 20:55:02

Your thread title bares absolutely no relation to your OP.

You parent how you want and let her do the same. You have to live with any consequences of your choices and so does she.

WaitMonkey Wed 14-May-14 20:56:34

I also think the thread title is vile.

LEMmingaround Wed 14-May-14 20:56:41

No, its not just you - horrible OP makes no sense either

TateLux Wed 14-May-14 20:57:32

This is going to be one of those threads that go on forever and won't end well.

AMillionNameChangesLater Wed 14-May-14 20:57:54

I don't like your title. As a victim of sexual abuse, it makes it feel even worse that people can say things about it so flippantly. As i said, I'm touchy about these things.

Canthisonebeused Wed 14-May-14 20:59:18

Please change title it's very poor taste. Agree the mum has some irrational concerns, however you don't know where or this has stemed from. Either justbputbup with it or distance. As for accompanying to the park, don't do it just let the mum make that choice for her dd if you wants to or if her dd can't then go.

Fairylea Wed 14-May-14 21:00:02

I don't understand the issue to be honest. If your dd wants to play with the 9 year old then all you need to do is ring the other mum and arrange a time / day and supervise them at your house. Not everyone likes or wants children knocking round at the house (personally I hate it) and i'm also one of the parents who has only just started letting her dd out on her own aged 11 - and yes we live in a very rural sleepy village too.

The mum does sound a bit rude telling your dd all about stranger danger etc and the over the top way about it but otherwise maybe she's just concerned. I know others will disagree but I feel 7 is too little to be out alone.

Your title is horrible by the way.

LEMmingaround Wed 14-May-14 21:00:52

There should have been a full stop between horrible and OP!

desperatedino Wed 14-May-14 21:00:56

Maybe she's had a bad experience in the past.

Don't like the thread title at all, my brother was abused age 7, hence why I don't let my 7 year old too far out of my sight.

AMillionNameChangesLater Wed 14-May-14 21:01:09

I've reported this thread, asking for the title to be changed

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