Hello everyone, I have name changed for this, I'm sorry it is so long.
I had the perfect pregnancy with DS, except that I found out I was GBS positve so had to give birth in the consultant lead unit.
I was due to be induced because DS was overdue, however the morning of my induction I went into labour (albeit early stages) so I was sent up to the ward so they could keep an eye/induce me if I hadn't progressed much by my appointment time. By the evening, I was in a lot of pain, mainly in my back and lower legs, each time I went to the loo I was unable to go so I hadn't been all day, I could no longer feel the individual contractions and began to panic, at one point I even had an urge to push. Myself and my DH kept asking if one of the midwives could examine me/give me some pain relief (specifically g&a) and each time was told they would have to come back as they were busy, they were very snappy. One midwife gave me codine which gave me really weird hallucinations that I wasn't really in Labour I was on a weird TV sitcom and that someone was in the room with me telling me that because I was in pain I should be screaming (very odd!). At changeover time around 11pm I was seen by a lovely midwife who examined me, (I wasn't even 3cms!) gave me gas and air and actually began the induction process (she apologised profusely about it being so late as I was meant to be induced at 3pm) later I was taken down to the delivery suite.
I dont really remember much about being in the delivery suite, allthough I do remember bleeding alot so the midwife got my DH to put a maternity pad in my knickers (poor bloke). At one point I stood up and a massive gush of blood went through the hospital pad and onto the floor. Sorry about the TMI, have no idea what this was, allthough the midwife told me it was not my waters.
I was induced again later on and despite getting to 10cms and pushing for a long time, I was not getting anywhere and DS was confirmed to be back to back so the consultant suggested forceps in theatre. I asked if at this point a c section would be safer for baby, to which the consultant said "it's safer for baby but not for you" I asked to go for the c section, however the consultant said "no, we will try forceps first". Once in theatre the surgeon said DS was distressed so they would be going straight for the c section, I was so relieved!! The C Section was great, but DS was taken down to SCBU. They brought DS up briefly when I was in recovery but took him down again as he had hypothermia and got too cold. Once the anaesthetic wore off I felt really unwell, I was out of it but DH told me that the Drs told him that my blood pressure was very low and my pulse was fast, they found out that my HG levels were at 6 so they would have to give me blood transfusions (I had three), they told DH that my Hg levels must have been incorrect before the op due to dehydration and that I did not loose an excessive amount during the OP so it must have been in labour. They estimated that in total I lost around 2000ml.
Once back on the ward the staff were awful, I kept asking if someone could bring me a breast pump or if the lactation consultant could come and see me (I was told I had to remain bed bound still), each time it was the same thing that they were busy. Unfortunately DH was now only there during visiting hours and divided his time between me and DS and I didn't have the strength to argue with them. I was on a large ward and was the only lady without her baby there. I was eventually able to get up and visit my DS in SCBU, I was told he would have to stay in becuase he had a condition where he could not feed so he had to be tube fed, the SCBU ladies were brilliant. On day 5 post op, I was told by the midwife I could go home that day, however when the doctor came round he said my Hg levels had only risen to 8 and that I should have more transfusions, he gave me time to think about it during which the midwife came back and told me that they know better that the Drs and I should be discharged with Iron tablets and told me that "more women are being admitted today and they all have their babies with them" so I turned down the transfusions and took up the midwife's offer of hospital accommodation which we paid for ourselves which was "as close to the SCBU as the ward" total bullshit as it was a long drive away off the main hospital premises so DH took me home.
We were allowed to take DS home a few days later. He is a dream baby now 7 months old, however I am always replaying the events of his birth over and over in my head always wondering what exactly caused the blood loss, will it happen again if I have another baby. I have never felt so out of control and that thought is terrifying. I also feel like a failure and I always wonder if there was anything I could have done differently, I feel like it is my fault DS ended up in SCBU. My heart breaks when I hear of friends having natural deliveries and getting to be with thier babies as soon as they were born. Even seeing pictures of friends in hospital with their babies sets off this odd mixture of fear, jealousy and guilt. I also feel so bad that there are women out there who have had a far worse time than me, however here I am not coping with mine. I feel like these feelings are not good and need addressing so I can enjoy my DS's newborn stage more, but I am too scared to seek the help of another medical professional and tell them things I can't tell those close to me about.
Sorry again that this has been so long, and that bits of it are a bit muddled, I have no idea of times and things. Thank you if you have got this far, sorry I sound so self pitying but I just want to stop feeling this way.
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To still be affected by DS's birth 7 months later (Possible TMI)
39 replies
FoonaLagoona · 13/05/2014 23:06
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Rosalie82 ·
14/05/2014 02:25
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Rosalie82 ·
14/05/2014 02:30
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