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Am I selfish about holiday

(190 Posts)
desperatedino Tue 13-May-14 16:06:23

We have a holiday booked in July to the med for me, DH, and our 3 DC.

I have been looking forward to this in ages as we really don't spend much family time together.

DH has just announced that SIL is going to be joining us, all this was arranged without my consent, I told DH I was hoping it could be just us and he went off on one completely saying I was selfish and it's his holiday too.

I don't dislike SIL but she is a drama queen and caused a row when she came away with us before.

So AIBU to just want us on holiday?

Inertia Thu 21-Aug-14 14:57:08

Sorry your holiday was spoiled.

Hope your DH has apologised for the shitty way he treated you before the holiday as well.

pictish Thu 21-Aug-14 14:25:12

I hope he's eaten a great big slice of humble pie! There was so much upset over his insistence that she come, calling you selfish and threatening you with cancelling if he didn't get his way and so on...he acted like a complete shit over it!
And now oh ho - big surprise...she was a pain in the arse whose presence totally marred the longed for holiday. Just as you accurately foretold.

I suppose it's ultimately a good thing, as you'll not have to have that argument again.
But still...shame you had to go through it for him to understand it. What a stubborn idiot he is.

SugarMiceInTheRain Thu 21-Aug-14 14:14:03

Well, I'm glad your DH has seen the error of his ways! Sorry it spoiled your holiday though. Your SIL sounds like a brat though, whinging about a holiday she gatecrashed. What on earth did she expect a family holiday with kids to be like?

AbbieHoffmansAfro Thu 21-Aug-14 13:51:35

I'm really sorry your holiday was spoiled, but in the long run I think good will come of it. It made life difficult, your SIL was rude and overstepped the mark, your DH has realised this. I don't think he's likely to make the same mistake again, and you can just avoid her.

FetchezLaVache Thu 21-Aug-14 13:43:54

OP, I feel your pain! Every year, my DSis and I take DS and our brother's two boys camping. This year, our former DSIL (the boys' mum) decided she was coming too.

Even though we both love DExSIL and get on really well with her, it totally changed the dynamic. There was lots of moaning about the inconveniences of tents (I mean really, did she expect an en-suite?) and no sitting up drinking wine after the boys had gone to bed. Completely ruined our holiday.

She's not bloody coming ever again, even if she wants to!

Glad your husband's learnt his lesson. Shame it had to be at the expense of your lovely holiday, though.

Lymmmummy Thu 21-Aug-14 13:27:47

To be honest - like many family disputes (I have been in middle of plenty both with own in laws and with friends complaints) I find it's often husbands fault for not being clear with expectations - ie he should not have encouraged SIL to join you without discussing it with you - and then as men often do he tries to make you feel like you have been the selfish one for not being welcoming - anyway sounds like she pushed him too far this time. When will men learn bad situations don't go away just because you ignore them??

cherrybombxo Thu 21-Aug-14 12:41:19

Wow, she had the cheek to complain that you weren't doing what SHE wanted on YOUR holiday that she crashed? She sounds delightful.

I could almost understand what your DH did if he was inviting another couple, who could go off and do their own thing but to invite one person to third-wheel on your family holiday is so weird. Even weirder that she wanted to.

I'm sorry that your holiday was ruined but the silver lining is you get to say, "HA! Told you so!" to your DH...

desperatedino Wed 20-Aug-14 22:33:43

Sorry about spellings on my dodgy phone.

desperatedino Wed 20-Aug-14 22:32:31

Hi all thought I would update.

well all was going well until day 2 of the holiday. SIL declared she was bored and we werent staying up late enough for her. She also wanted Dh to go out partying with her at 2am while myself and children stayed in. Dh had enought at this point and told her he was on a family holiday and would not be leaving us alone.

I also took the children out for the day and told him I was going on the next flight home if he did not sort it out. Returned later that day and Sil apologised and tried to be nice. It was so exhausting though making sure everybody was happy with all the plans each day.

Now we are back at home I am still angry and resentful about my holiday being ruined. Dh has apologised so much and under no uncertain terms noone is ever coming with us ever again. I told him this would happen and I was right.

Now we

WallyBantersJunkBox Sat 02-Aug-14 11:34:02

Hope the OP is ok anyhow? wine

Blueandwhitelover Sat 02-Aug-14 11:15:13

Darn it, I was hoping for an update

patienceisvirtuous Fri 01-Aug-14 09:23:52

So not a zombie thread grin

AnnoyedByAlfieBear Fri 01-Aug-14 09:19:41

Even if it is half zombie, I want to know how the holiday went?

bruffin Fri 01-Aug-14 09:16:54

The op didnt come back 3 months later, she updated a month later and someone chose to resurrect it 6 weeks later

thatstoast Fri 01-Aug-14 09:07:23

I don't think it's a zombie thread when the op comes back to update, albeit 3 months later.

Primafacie Fri 01-Aug-14 09:02:04


dalziel1 Fri 01-Aug-14 09:00:18

I am saying that as someone who got strong-armed into a holiday with the in-laws that wasn't right for me (due to being 8 months pregnant).

The tension built up over a few days and we had an argument halfway through the holiday that nearly ended our marriage. It took years to get past what happened that night.

dalziel1 Fri 01-Aug-14 08:57:44

Don't go (you will hate it anyway).

Personally, I would tell her that you aren't going because you were neither consulted nor informed. I'd say to her that its nothing to do with her, but you feel let down by your husband.

Let her feed that message back to MIL (and SIL who obviously kept it from you too).

deakymom Thu 12-Jun-14 21:05:30

agree with monkey this feels a little wrong to me but my DH was trying to get his parents to come down when we were on holiday we have never been on holiday before and i really wanted it to be us but at every opportunity he invited them down luckily his stepdad took the hint and was "working" so they couldn't come down in the camper van grin families at a distance is better than families too close

WaitMonkey Thu 12-Jun-14 20:54:39

Unfortunately, I think you're right. sad

desperatedino Thu 12-Jun-14 20:52:11


Thought I would update. Sorry for the delay. Well he aplogised said he should have asked first. However, she is all booked and going. Apparently I am still selfish as she hasnt gone away in years. Feel so down. I guess there are deeper seated problems in our marriage.

OhCobblers Mon 19-May-14 14:19:36

Hi OP wondered how you are and if this was resolved?

MaxPepsi Wed 14-May-14 15:57:00

I hope you get it all sorted OP.

My DH is a saint when it comes to my family - we are a large and close and enjoy each others company most of the time There are plenty of family camping trips and days out etc. He actually prefers mine to his own but even so I wouldn't dream of inviting them anywhere when it was our time without asking him first, even if it was just a day out never mind a longed for holiday.

We did in fact take my mum away with us on our first anniversary holiday. It was his idea as it happens as he recognised she could probably do with the break. We had a 2 bedroom cottage booked and only needed one room so it cost her nothing. It was his way of thanking her for being such a marvellous MIL.

GoblinLittleOwl Wed 14-May-14 14:22:18

The issue that really needs facing is the influence sister in law and family have over husband, which leads him to upset his wife and children in preference to them. He knows his behaviour is unfair, which is why he concealed it; sister in law has deliberately muscled in on the family holiday and he is too weak to stand up to her. It is a very serious issue; his family and their influence on him are a powerful threat to their marriage; it needs confronting now. OP recognises this, which is why she is so upset over the holiday.

foslady Tue 13-May-14 22:36:38

Unless he is ever going to say the words 'sorry I should have spoke to you 1st' I think this holiday is ruined - if SIL goes you will be unhappy, if she doesn't go your husband will be an arse.

Send him with SIL seeing as they are the only ones who want to go now. Amd when MIL asks why only them two don;t be afraid to tell her

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