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Am I selfish about holiday

(190 Posts)
desperatedino Tue 13-May-14 16:06:23

We have a holiday booked in July to the med for me, DH, and our 3 DC.

I have been looking forward to this in ages as we really don't spend much family time together.

DH has just announced that SIL is going to be joining us, all this was arranged without my consent, I told DH I was hoping it could be just us and he went off on one completely saying I was selfish and it's his holiday too.

I don't dislike SIL but she is a drama queen and caused a row when she came away with us before.

So AIBU to just want us on holiday?

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Tue 13-May-14 16:08:28

No,I would be seething as that's something that should be discussed first. I would love to go on holiday with my SIL but I completely get why you're cross.

Hoppinggreen Tue 13-May-14 16:09:13

No you aren't, we regularly go away with family but enjoy it when it's just us 4 as well.
He is being very U for not consulting you before asking her

GoEasyPudding Tue 13-May-14 16:09:15

OMG, this terrible.

Keep very calm though.

Just keep repeating, "Not on this hols DH!, this is family time."

juneau Tue 13-May-14 16:10:06

No YANBU at all! Christ, I'd go ballistic if DH invited his bloody sister on our family holiday.

OhCobblers Tue 13-May-14 16:11:35

That's outrageous and I can't believe he thinks you're being selfish. He's being a real arse.
No way would I ever stand for that, but then I don't go away with family, never have and DH would never suggest it.

CMOTDibbler Tue 13-May-14 16:11:40

YANBU - adding someone outside your family unit changes the dynamic totally. Sounds like you and dh need a quiet sit down when theres nothing to disturb you and a discussion about why you wanted a family unit holiday, and why he thought your SIL coming would be a good idea. And about how respect for each other means talking about things..

wowfudge Tue 13-May-14 16:12:31

I agree - U of your DH to invite her without consultation with you. I wouldn't want someone else, family or not, tagging along.

Why can't she go on her own bloody holiday?

Wolfiefan Tue 13-May-14 16:13:09

Weird! Not you OP! It's a family holiday. I could understand it if you hired a huge place and invited all extended family (that sounds like a nightmare to me!)

pilates Tue 13-May-14 16:14:06

No YANBU def something that needs to be discussed beforehand. I agree I like to go on holiday with just my immediate family. Will it be for the whole time or just part?

desperatedino Tue 13-May-14 16:14:52

Thanks for the replies so far, we have hardly spoken in three days I can't bare to be near him at the moment.

He said basically if she can't come he will cancel the hotel booking, he said she would have her own room etc but it is not the same is it?

He is not normally such an arsehole but when it comes to his family they come first.

bubalou Tue 13-May-14 16:15:00

YANBU - I would be fucked off beyond measure!

It is completely unreasonable of him to do this to you. Holidays are a rare and expensive thing for families and a time for you to spend as that -a family without the usual work,errands, school, cleaning etc.

He needs to sort this out but tell him she's not coming.

redexpat Tue 13-May-14 16:16:35

YANBU! Especially if you have been away with her before and she caused a row? Dribblers post sounds like a very good way to deal with it.

iambigfatmess Tue 13-May-14 16:17:32

I would hit the roof this needs discussing are there other issues

eurochick Tue 13-May-14 16:18:42

That definitely should have been discussed first.

CoffeeTea103 Tue 13-May-14 16:18:58

Yanbu he should have definitely discussed this with you.

littleballerina Tue 13-May-14 16:20:01

I'd be livid.

LIZS Tue 13-May-14 16:20:56

yanbu , he should have mentioned he was even considering it.

Fairenuff Tue 13-May-14 16:22:34

He said basically if she can't come he will cancel the hotel booking

I think he is lying about this in order to try and bully you into doing what he wants.

If he cancels he will lose money. Call his bluff. Let him cancel. I don't think he will though.

MrsKoala Tue 13-May-14 16:23:34

i'd be furious and very upset that being alone with his immediate family wasn't a priority to him.

TheTerribleBaroness Tue 13-May-14 16:24:46

Cancel then. Take the children and go somewhere on your own.

MrsKoala Tue 13-May-14 16:25:27

I'd also tell him to shove it up his arse cancel the holiday. See what he does then. But then again i'm very stubborn.

ProfessorBranestawm Tue 13-May-14 16:27:40

No you are not being selfish! Crazy to invite someone without consulting your spouse. FFS.

Cakecrumbsinmybra Tue 13-May-14 16:28:01

The planning of a holiday should be undertaken together - it is VV U for your DH to invite someone else without asking you - and then give you an ultimatum about it! Personally I think I'd say fine - you go on holiday with your sister and I'll go somewhere else!

TequilaMockingbirdy Tue 13-May-14 16:28:33

Fucking hell I'd flip. Seriously flip.

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