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to keep dsc against their mum's wishes?

(70 Posts)
choplouey Mon 12-May-14 23:52:19

Dsc are 6, 8 and 9. There's been a huge history of their mum contact blocking for really ridiculous reasons - I.e. Because dh upset them by not buying them candyfloss, because dsc had a hair appointment (on the day they were due to play a part in dBils wedding) and so on. The children are always really happy to see us (and our 3 dc) and always ask to stay.

Dh got a contact order a few months ago. ExW has breached it for several petty reasons (you didn't brush dds hair adequately last time) and the next contact date is this weekend, when they're due to stay overnight. It's one of the dsc birthdays and we've planned and paid for a theme park trip and night in the adjoining hotel, which he'd love. However, exW has said she won't allow them to stay overnight because they didn't have a bath last time - they were only here for 8 hours!!

The contact order clearly says contact is from Saturday morning until Sunday evening. It's back in court for review next month but if this weekend is cancelled that'll be ten weeks between contact. Dh has told the children they're staying over and is being repeatedly made to look unreliable to the dsc by exW changing plans. Would it be unreasonable to collect them Saturday morning and stick to the court order, returning them Sunday evening, against their mums wishes?

Icimoi Mon 12-May-14 23:57:06

I'm no expert on this, but surely the court order trumps their mother's wishes?

However, as I'm sure you realise, she will go postal and the consequences are likely to be pretty unpleasant.

IAmTheGodOfTitsAndWine Mon 12-May-14 23:57:15

No, because you have a court order saying that is when you have access.

Shortest AIBU ever?

choplouey Tue 13-May-14 00:00:41

It can't get more unpleasant than not seeing them ici We thought a call/text/email (so she can't claim we've abducted them) an hour before she's demanded they return on Saturday to say they're safe and well and will be returned Sunday as per the contact order then phones off and just enjoy our time together.

fifi669 Tue 13-May-14 00:02:58

Stick to the court order. You're right. She's a tosspot.

whois Tue 13-May-14 00:04:05

Surely the whole point of a court order is it is to respected despite what the mother wants? So no, yanbu to follow the court purser and have the children overnight. Obviously. If she was reasonable, you wouldn't have a court order in the first place!

WilsonFrickett Tue 13-May-14 00:05:11

I would repost in legal. I wonder if the long game is better served by being able to go back to court and say XW has breached every court order, rather than you keeping the children without her consent IYSWIM? Get a solictor's perspective to what would play out better in court?

BumpAndGrind Tue 13-May-14 00:06:40

Woman like this really get on my tits. angry
Fuck her. Have fun smile

musicposy Tue 13-May-14 00:08:15

You should keep them for the ordered time, regardless of whether mum likes it or not. You don't want to find yourselves in court for the review with her saying you can't be bothered to see them for your allocated time - she could.
YANBU - collect them Saturday and keep them until Sunday evening, and have a nice weekend. Not giving them a bath is a ridiculous reason for her to prevent it. Make a note of when and why she refuses contact, too, so you are prepared if it somehow gets turned against you at the review.

RedPony Tue 13-May-14 00:08:19

I think you are being very reasonable and your dsc are very lucky to have a step mum who cares for them so well. stick to the court order as thats what its there for. I hope you all have a lovely weekend smile

DoJo Tue 13-May-14 00:17:32

Have you got records of her demands for them to be returned earlier? Texts, emails, any other written messages reneging on the agreement? As otherwise, I can imagine that she might try to twist the lack of contact to make your OH look bad.

x2boys Tue 13-May-14 00:17:40

This really pisses me off women that do everything in their power to stop their kids seeing their dad who does actually hurt the most the children!! Get some advice op its not fair or right!

NeedsAsockamnesty Tue 13-May-14 01:17:00


You have a court order if she try's to report it as an abduction they will politely tell her its not.

Collect as normal whilst smiling and nodding but do not agree to early return then return when the order says you should making sure you are not late.

It's quite simple really

NeedsAsockamnesty Tue 13-May-14 01:19:03


She does not need advice. The court order is a court order it's not only a court order when the mother wants to play ball.

LittleRedDinosaur Tue 13-May-14 01:21:46

Will she turn up to collect them and make a horrible scene and upset the children? If not then is just firmly tell her that you'll be dropping them home on Sunday at whatever time.

feathermucker Tue 13-May-14 02:42:05

Christ, what a bitter ex!


Fideline987654321 Tue 13-May-14 02:51:25

Something is making me wonder whether you are the former OW, OP.

Isn't it always better and easier to let the parents sort out arrangements for their DC?

Roshbegosh Tue 13-May-14 03:25:25

I think if the children are all looking forward to the theme park she would have to be one spiteful bitch to stop them going. Make sure they know why the treat has to be cancelled if that is the case, otherwise go ahead with it and have fun.

AnyFucker Tue 13-May-14 03:53:35

What does their father say ?

Fideline987654321 Tue 13-May-14 04:06:22

I should imagine he's having a rest AF.

Since his six year old was born he has apparently been through separation, divorce, new relationship, conception and birth of three further children, remarriage, court case re contact. Presumably some paid work too. Poor man must be exhausted.

AnyFucker Tue 13-May-14 04:09:34

Gosh, busy man !

mimishimmi Tue 13-May-14 04:36:41

YANBU if it's during your court ordered contact time. I just don't understand her. If I was in her place, I'd be going all out to dump my kids on the OW at weekends as much as possible wink.

mumster79 Tue 13-May-14 04:59:17

Hi OP,
Been there and got the T-shirt.
Stick to the court order wherever possible. Ten years ago we were in exactly the same position. What is REALLY important (I think, anyway) is that the dsc's can look back when they're older and know that you fought for them, hence the court order. It's VERY easy for history to be re-written to suit.
If it helps to know, ten years on the dsc's and the dc's are close and they're happy. Ex-w will always be difficult, be we don't have much to with each other anymore.
And just for the record, DH dealt with everything, but it's great to use mumsnet as a sounding board.
Good luck - it will get easier.

GoshAnneGorilla Tue 13-May-14 05:02:43

Fideline grin

CheerfulYank Tue 13-May-14 05:17:08

What does their dad want, and is she likely to turn up screaming?

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